Author

worrystone

I’ll Make a Bet With You.

by worrystone 4/10/2013

written by worrystone

Sometimes I think there are only three things keeping me on this Earth:

1. The money that my parents have paid into my college education (and the guilt I would feel knowing that I cost them $20,000 of their retirement just for me to dip out of this world right after they’d paid it).

2. My own personal fear of the actual deed of taking my life.

3. The fear of something worse than life for those of us who choose not to stick it out. There’s got to be something worse than this, right?

I’m graduating from college in May. Next month. May 18th at 2:30 P.M., to […]

4/10/2013 3 comments

December 21, 2012.

by worrystone 11/25/2012

written by worrystone

Honestly, I don’t think the world will end on 12/21/2012. But if it does, that’s cool too.

I will turn 21 on December 20th. Finally. I can’t imagine anybody being able to fathom how excited I am for my 21st birthday (25 days!). But as far as my future goes it’s the only thing I’m excited about, sadly. I’ll graduate college in May, but I since I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do after that I’m not excited about it. I don’t know where I’ll be and I don’t know what I’ll be doing. It’s both liberating and terrifying.

I like my life, overall. […]

11/25/2012 1 comment

Everybody has a story.

by worrystone 9/13/2012

written by worrystone

For some reason it occurred to me this evening that I’ve never told anyone my story. Ever. So now it’s time to. I guess I need to start at the very beginning. Apologies; conciseness isn’t my thing.

It was fall of 2008. I was a senior in high school. I was on top of the world, and I had no idea.

I had a boyfriend. It wasn’t anything serious, but I really liked him. More than any guy I’d ever dated. My friends and I had just had the most amazing summer -we’d discovered the fun that alcohol could bring us. I had a best friend who […]

9/13/2012 1 comment

You don’t need to read this, but I need to write it.

by worrystone 1/17/2012

written by worrystone

I HATE THIS. I feel so many things, and at the same time I feel nothing. I spend part of my day believing that everything will turn out alright, and I spend the other part wondering how I can even fathom waking up tomorrow. I’ve managed to turn my life upside down (feel free to have a look at previous posts for something of an explanation, if you really care). I’ve hurt one of the people I love and need most. Not that she knows how much I need her in my life. She said I keep too much to myself, that I’m too secretive. […]

1/17/2012 1 comment

If Something Can Make You Smile

by worrystone 1/9/2012

written by worrystone

I guess I’m suicidal. My stomach churns just putting that label next to my name. I think about it all the time. I think about all the things wrong. I get sucked into that black hole where you just keep going down and down. And then I find myself on facebook in an immature poke-battle with one of my best friends (who I also happen to have been hopelessly in love with for years) and I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I watch the notification pop up again and again. A real smile, not the stupid fake one I plaster on my […]

1/9/2012 5 comments

History Repeats Itself.

by worrystone 1/7/2012

written by worrystone

I feel like I make the same mistakes over and over again. I don’t learn. I hurt those who are closest to me, then I push them away to protect myself. It is a constant ongoing cycle. More than anything in the world I want to feel close to someone. I want someone to know what a broken mess I am, and still accept me. It’s just not in the cards for me. Three years nearly to the day since I’ve felt like this. I wish I could cry, but I’ve spent a long time coaching myself not to and now that I’d like to […]

1/7/2012 3 comments

Anyone else feel this way?

by worrystone 12/31/2011

written by worrystone

I’m just wondering if maybe anybody else has considered this.
I don’t want to end my life right now. But there was a time when I did. Twice, I came very close. I knew how I was going to do it both times. Neither time did I actually recall changing my mind, but instead realized at some point I’d decided not to. That was three years ago now, and I have not since come so close. But I’ve thought about it.
So here’s what I think-
Once you’ve thought about killing yourself (and I mean really thought about it, like planned it out and made […]

12/31/2011 6 comments