I’ve lost count of the years since he’s been gone, but today marks another. Today, October 25, 2014 is my soul mate’s 19 birthday. Every day I think of him and every time I do I ache to hear his voice again. I’ve been doing pretty good with my depression, even got a new boyfriend…but every time this day rolls around…my resolve breaks. I realize everything I’ve done and built is nothing and worthless. Nothing is the same without him and it never will be. I’ve never felt so miserable over someone before for so long…his loss has made me unable to care or love […]
A few weeks ago I posted about my new gf and me being afraid about relasping….Well I was right. I am now single and I just started to relapse. I am back in the dark hole of depression and it seems so much colder now that I have seen the sun. I just do not know what to do anymore…I have tried so hard to get out and be happy…and it all came crashing down again. I do not know how to pick up the pieces again. What is so good about about it anyway.
The suicidal thoughts are back and stronger now. I might actually […]
So recently I found a new girlfriend and she’s made me see things in a new perspective. She’s made me see my problem. My past haunts me and is the reason why I’m broken and beyond repair. I’m trying to let it go. I’m trying to be free, but I can’t…
Some days are just easier than others…
What I’m confused about is if I should go on with my planned suicide.
Some days I feel like I shouldn’t because there’s a life to live now, but other days I feel like going through with it at the moment. What disappoints me is that the sad days are […]
I’m past the point of caring for anyone or anything. I realized this yesterday when my friend threatened suicide if I did and a horrid thought had hit me, I didn’t really care.
If anyone has an explanation as to why I feel this way or answer the title question please say.
Just a couple of days ago my friend and I planned an amazing road trip! On Oct 22 we are heading to Los Angeles! I am going to meet an amazing girl I have met on the internet and then on Oct 25 we are going to commit suicide. A little messed up, but ever since the plans have been made…I’ve been happy. Well, about as happy as a suicidal schizophrenic can get. I smile more and I crack jokes more often… But the girl I’m meeting isn’t as happy as I am. Sure that’s put a damper on my mood, but I’m uber excited and I can’t wait […]
For about a year now I’ve yearned for suicide and I’ve dealt with my mental insanity, by myself.
But now I’ve met someone with my same problems! We talk about suicide like its not a bad thing, we talk about our hallucinations like everyone has them, we talk about our anorexia like our parents would be proud, and we talk about running away from home like it’s a normal thing to do.
Sometimes I can’t help but feel like she’s bringing me farther off the cliff, other times I think I couldn’t live life without her. She’s convinced me to set a date for us to run […]
What you do if you knew your death date and it was in a couple of months?
I never understood anorexia…I always thought ‘why would you ever give up food to be skinny when you already are?’.
Now I understand. I haven’t eaten a proper meal in days, and I still feel fat. Every time I look in the mirror I see it everywhere, I see nothing but fat. I feel so guilty when I eat and when I do I cut as if to punish myself.
I don’t know what lead me to see or feel this way. I simply woke up and couldn’t stand my reflection or the plate of food in front me. I’ve tried eating and talking it out with […]
So I’ve been cutting for almost a year now and about two months in my parents saw my wrist. I couldn’t stop cutting after they found out so I started cutting in places they couldn’t see (chest and thighs). I guess I got carried away because a few weeks ago I wore a tank top that was a bit low and they saw the scars…
Instead of getting sad and being supportive like a normal parent, they got extremely angry. They began screaming at me, telling me what a screw up I was, how bad parents I made them seem. I didn’t really care because they […]
Just a couple of days ago I realized I was asexual and since I’ve been quite happy.
I’ve always been disgusted by sex and was never really attracted to anyone and knowing what I am gives me a sense of contentment.
The only thing that’s bothering me is my friends and girlfriend dont seem to understand…
I still love my girlfriend, and I’ll be able to love other people, I just don’t want anything to do with sex.
I still want to get married and adopt children, but they don’t understand.
I’m also afraid that when I tell my parents they’ll treat treat me like […]
I noticed quite a lot of people post about how they should commit suicide…and quite a lot of people try to stop them.
I have mixed feelings about this actually. I think it’s stupid you’re asking suicidal people how to kill yourself. This website isn’t here to HELP US commit suicide it’s here to PREVENT US from it.
But at the same time I understand. I mean some people are too far gone and it’s their time, and theres nothing we can do about it. Some suicidal people don’t want help and maybe you shouldn’t shove it in their faces. Some of these people have probably heard […]
I’ve only been on here for a few days but I already feel at home here.
I don’t know most of you, but I consider each and everyone of you as family.
In our family we’re accepted no matter how weird we are. We’re here for each other no matter what. No matter what your problem is there are people here who understand and who want to help. I really admire that in us.
We might all be broken and on the verge of death, but that’s okay. We’re all here to be repaired and to try and strive for the best.
You’re not alone in this world.
This website […]
I’m not sure if I’m alone on this or not, but I know I’m not the  only cutter here.
I’ve been a cutter for almost a year now and I have to admit my life has gone to shit since then. I’ve tried quitting in the past but I get this…itch…when I don’t cut for awhile.
See, I cut on my thighs and if I don’t cut there’s this unreachable itch that over takes my legs. I want to scratch but there’s nothing to scratch! The only thing that’ll make it go away is to use my razor. I’ve tried to ignore, but sometimes it’s too strong […]
So…I’ve got a lot of mental problems, but that hasn’t stopped me from helping out other people with problems. My friend asked me something the other day that got me thinking…
What gives me, a person with too many problems to count, the right to tell people what to do about their own problems?
My argument was that, no I don’t have a right. But who on the internet does?
I may not be qualified, but I’m suffering through this for a reason. And that reason is to help others with the same problems.
I haven’t overcome my problems because I don’t want help. I’m too far gone for […]
So until recently I’ve been showing minor signs of Catatonic Schizophrenia. If you dont know what that is, Catatonic schizophrenia is a type (or subtype) of schizophrenia that includes extremes of behavior. Regular schizophrenia is one of many brain diseases that may include delusions, loss of personality (flat affect), confusion, agitation, social withdrawal, psychosis, and bizarre behavior.
I started showing signs and its freaking me out. I’ve begun to see shadows that stay longer than normal, and I’ve been hearing unfamiliar voices call my name. The shadows want to hurt me but they wont leave me alone. Its been getting harder to concentrate and complete my thoughts (you have […]
I found this website called wattpad. Its a website where thousands of people write their own stories and all the people who have accounts are suicidal, emo or gay. So one day I met this boy named Asher. We started talking every second if everyday. Pretty soon I fell in love with Ash, but the problem was he was taken. His boyfriend had been cheating on him for months and he barely found out recently.
Asher meant the world to me. On my birthday I was planning to admit to him that I loved him more than I loved myself, but Ibrecieved news before i could.
His […]
I’ve wanted to commit suicide for quite awhile now….
But theres something always holding me back from succeeding. I couldn’t figure out what for weeks until I saw this quote that I cant remember who its from. “Dont give up, because somehow, someone, somewhere will need you.”
It clicked.
Ive always had a knack for making people feel better. I like cracking jokes, giving good advice, and comfort when its needed.
It finally clicked when I realized…I’m going to save someone. I know that might not happen, but it keeps me from thinking about suicide. Someone, somewhere is going to need me.
And I’m going to be there for them.
“Don’t […]