Author

Blake SinBad

What's there to tell? no one cares anyway...

Yes. I’m Suicidal.

by Blake SinBad 8/30/2013

written by Blake SinBad

So I was in my orchestra class yesterday. I was talking to my friend. And I pretended to shoot myself. He grabbed my “gun” and said playfully that he would never let that happen. This kid that I’ve had a crush on since the first day of Freshman year turns around and looks at me, then looks atÂ my friend, and says, “She wants to kill herself?” and kind of gives me this look like he might know what’s up (which he probably wouldn’t).

I’m just sitting there like, ‘shut!Â up! shut! up! shutupshutupshutup!!!!!!!’

And I wanted to scream ‘YES I’M FUCKING SUICIDAL!!!’

…

So I just kind ofÂ sat there and […]

8/30/2013 0 comment

Cameron

by Blake SinBad 8/25/2013

written by Blake SinBad

I posted this here one day:

Cameron,

I fell in love with you the moment your eyes saw mine. Shivers played at me when you were close. Your beautiful black hair, and those dark grey blue eyes. Tall, freckles, always in my favorite color. Black. You were perfect. Perfect for me. Butâ€¦I apparently wasnâ€™t perfect for youâ€¦I know we talked onceâ€¦maybe twiceâ€¦but the sound of your voice made me want to cry tears of happinessâ€¦

Ugh, wow. Sounding like a total stalker now. Great.

Whatever. Not like you know who I am. You wouldnâ€™t remember me. Yknow, the girl always glancing at you. The shy girl wearing your favorite […]

8/25/2013 17 comments

Genderqueer…yes. genderqueer.

by Blake SinBad 7/22/2013

written by Blake SinBad

So.

Uh.

Let’s start. I’m Christian. Presbyterian, in fact. I’ve been this way for a while now. Uhm…well…you see…I believe I’m Pangendered. A.K.A, genderqueer. yeah. I don’t believe that I belong to any gender, and am comfortably happy with who I am. Mentally. Physically, I am either gender depending on my mood. I am also Pansexual. I can love anyone regardless of gender (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, asexual, etc.). Herein lies the problem…I’m “supposed to be happy with the body God gave me. Yes. God gave me the body. It’s my choice on what I do with it. I’m not saying I want some big surgery or […]

7/22/2013 9 comments

Hopelessly Devoted…

by Blake SinBad 7/5/2013

written by Blake SinBad

Cameron,

I fell in love with you the moment your eyes saw mine. Shivers played at me when you were close. Your beautiful black hair, and those dark grey blue eyes. Tall, freckles, always in my favorite color. Black. You were perfect. Perfect for me. But…I apparently wasn’t perfect for you…I know we talked once…maybe twice…but the sound of your voice made me want to cry tears of happiness…

Ugh, wow. Sounding like a total stalker now. Great.

Whatever. Not like you know who I am. You wouldn’t remember me. Yknow, the girl always glancing at you. The shy girl wearing your favorite color. Black. The girl […]

7/5/2013 2 comments

Jane and Eric’s waltz

by Blake SinBad 6/28/2013

written by Blake SinBad

I think this is the happiest I’ve been in a while…I…

Let me start:

When I was younger, I was bullied. I had no escape from the world. That was, until the day I got my mp3. Music was a whole different world to me. It still is. It’s all I breathe for. My life, my love and my soul are devoted to this otherworldly being…I’m intoxicated…
Anywho, there was one song preprogrammed into the mp3. I couldn’t pronounce the name at the time, so I just called it Jane and Eric’s waltz. It fit at the time. I had fallen madly in love with the song, […]

6/28/2013 3 comments

To: Big Sister

by Blake SinBad 6/26/2013

written by Blake SinBad

Dear Jackie,

You know I love you. I love you with all my heart. I’m so proud of you, and congratulations on having your baby last night. She is beautiful. I remember the fights we used to have, and coming home being scared out of my mind by you. I remember the countless times that you were thrown out of the house. Thank you for being my role model. Thank you for watching all of those gory, bloody, violent, rated R movies with my when I was six. Thank you for letting your friend come into my room to molest me wen I was little. I […]

6/26/2013 0 comment

Dreams too good to be true…

by Blake SinBad 6/23/2013

written by Blake SinBad

I hate waking up. I hate myself for waking up. I hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I wake up and to myself say “Oh great. Still alive.” and then end up nearly in tears.

Today was slightly different. I had this dream…It was like a videogame. I was almost like Zelda…there was a voice talking to me. I had a orange tabby cat that floated above me as a guide. The very beginning started out with three major pieces of land in the middle of space; much like Super Mario Galaxy. I was on the first island. It had a pathway with many […]

6/23/2013 4 comments

Sexuality. Is. Shit.

by Blake SinBad 6/23/2013

written by Blake SinBad

I don’t understand. In my own words and mind, LOVE KNOWS NO GENDER, NO AGE, AND NO LIMIT.

Who the fuck cares if you like someone with the same genitals of you!?

“Oh no! You both have dicks it’s the end of the world and we’re all going to die because of you!”

Fucking dumbasses…Same goes for the lesbians.

“Woah no. ***** on ***** isn’t what a really old book approves of! We should kill them!”

Sorry God, but this is what I believe. If you are my Father, and you love me like you should, then I believe that you will and should accept me for how […]

6/23/2013 6 comments

The Life I Live

by Blake SinBad 6/17/2013

written by Blake SinBad

*My mom is mentally and partially physically abusive

*my dad didn’t want anymore kids, aka, me

*my sisters raised me, then left me with my mother

*my dad is never home

*my dad never talks to me

*I was molested and taught to masturbate at age six by my sisters friend

*my mother openly talks about my idiocy and stupidity to strangers

*I have been suicidal since 6th grade

*my mom left me in 4th grade

*I’ve been convinced that its okay to give my body away

*I’ve been raped

*I have commitment issues

*I’ve tried to commit suicide twice

*I have an addiction to cutting

*I’ve been bullied because I’m different, emo, a kandi kid, scene, bisexual, on […]

6/17/2013 4 comments

I want an answer

by Blake SinBad 6/8/2013

written by Blake SinBad

I’ve been trying to figure this out for years. I’ve always had “mommy/daughter” issues. But they’re one-sided. I know we have them, she doesn’t. I’ve tried to explain to her that I don’t likeÂ what she does or how I am being treated, and she just brushes it off. I mean sure, we have our great moments. Yesterday, we went to Southlands Mall, (It’s in CO), and she actually offered to go into Hot Topic. I was very surprised, but then realized that she wouldn’t approve of anything I wanted to get. So I said no, and followed her into Bath and Body Works. She’s pretty […]

6/8/2013 2 comments

A Neck and a Noose

by Blake SinBad 6/7/2013

written by Blake SinBad

*Not a religious poem, just something I wrote a while back. Yes, it mentions angels, but that’s meant in a sense of protectors and security. Not Godly angels*

Tension, Stress, Impossible to Bear.

Rampaging chaos, A tourniquet, It’s all come Down to this.

A note, A noose, That’s all that’s Left.

I’m inÂ a room

Where no one

Can hear The goodbye Whispers

Of the Lost soul as it Jumps. Falls. Hits. And is gone.

Away with The body it Held captive.

Parted into a Different world Where it wishes To be.

Don’t stop it From going there, It’s the hearts’ Desire.

Breaking free of the Straight jacket It was in.

Don’t call it Suicide. Don’t think of […]

6/7/2013 0 comment

To: Dad

by Blake SinBad 6/7/2013

written by Blake SinBad

Dear Dad,

IÂ think you’ll find this soon, but I guess that’s what I intended. You never seemed to pay that much attention to me anyway. I mean, you never talked to me, we never went out and did anything fun together. I bet you didn’t even know my favorite color. But it’s okay. What’s done is done and the past is the past. Don’t blame yourself, even though it kind of was your fault…don’t take it too hard dad, but I’m finallyÂ gone, and I hope you finally notice me after all these years of not acknowledging my presence. I guess you’ll have to find me sometime. […]

6/7/2013 7 comments

You don’t have to read this if you don’t want to…

by Blake SinBad 6/7/2013

written by Blake SinBad

Well, I’m a newcomer. I’ve read, and commented on a couple of posts and I’m actually kind of…well…not ‘happy’ that I found this site but, more intrigued. I’m 14, 10th grade, and I’ve already found my depression. Even when I get out of it and go to my ‘happy music’ (which is basically rave and happy hardcore), I find myself slowly slipping back into the dark emo cutting phase. and don’t get mad at the word emo. It’s how I describe myself. I have a wonderful boyfriend, great friends who are there for me, but I just don’t know what it is that pulls me […]

6/7/2013 9 comments

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