Yoges

I’m moving to a big city full of corporate bots into a new job I’m not fond of. It’s a new phase of my life, but I hope deep down that its the last one too. I look forward to fuck up at work and get fired (Again. I was fired on my first job). I’ll have no friends or family in that city so I guess it’ll be easier to take the plunge when I’ll be on my own.

I’m too tired for new beginnings. It’s too late to make a comeback. I want out.

My thoughts are fluctuating between extremes. I want to run away from everything and vanish forever. I want to seize the day and live into the next century. Both on the same day.

Recently watched a documentary ‘Alone in the Wilderness’ about this guy Dick Proenneke. Recommended watch for those stuck in the void between life and death and can’t stand society.

I sure wish I could pull off such a lifestyle. Perhaps I won’t feel like offing myself then.

What a great business idea! Suppose someone starts a hitman agency that makes the whackjobs of its suicidal clients perfectly painless and look like random accidents.

P.S. – If you know of one, please share their contact details. Fees might be an issue though. I’m shit broke.

I realize there’s nothing urgent I’ve on my mind that I need to say anymore. My words serve no meaningful purpose. They never convey what I intend to. Whatever is going on in my mind is a storm of nonsense anyways, so why bother convey it through words.

I’ve decided to maintain a nihilist mindset from now on. I’m hardening my heart to remain indifferent to others suffering on my account. I’m burning bridges from this day forth. I still have a few months to playact at life but I’m finally on my way out. From here on, its pure action and no words.

So this may […]

It’s an experimental docu-fiction of sorts, based on a true story of a suicide by starvation that took place in Japan. It narrates the journal entries of a dying man, as he withers away inside his tent in the middle of a forest and life recedes piecemeal from his body.

It was inspiring in a strange morbid way. I’m thinking of following it’s example when I finally fuck off to hell. The method is painful but there’s something cathartic about it that I can relate to.

First, it tests your resolve to spite at life when you still have a chance to walk back to society and […]

https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Aphex-Twin-Blue-Calx.mp3

Please note – The following question is hypothetical. I’m suicidal at this point but not homicidal, not enough to act on the idea.

Suppose you could divide all people into three groups – moral (1), immoral (-1) and amoral (0). Depending upon the number of people in each group, a certain sum total of morality in the world could then be calculated, say, x.

If you belong to the first group, your being around adds to making this world a better place. If you’re in the second group, the world is worse off because you’re in it. The third group doesn’t affect much.

In general, evil people prefer […]

I’m into The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins on and off these days. It presents this interesting idea that we humans, and all other macro-organisms – animals, plants, birds, fish, insects – are just temporary, short-lived vessels to be used by long-lasting genes in their journey through billions of years. We are only containers that have evolved from the primeval soup that was the first habitat of ancient genes, only to serve the same old purpose – transport the genes to next generations. They are the star cast and we’re not even the extras – we’re fucking props on stage.

The reason why I thought this […]

Just beyond the horizon of a broken little grey life, lies a world full of beautiful places and peoples, birds and animals, trees, mountains, valleys, plains, rivers and oceans.

To think all that breathtaking innocence and unabashed friendship of nature is left untouched.

To think so many lives, through the ages and around the world, are left unlived.

Tragic beyond words.

I don’t know when it will be, but I’ll not be a sad spectacle open to public pity. I’ll make sure no one finds me soon after my light has gone out.

I suppose walking off deep into a forest will safely take me beyond society’s sight. I also fantasize embarking on a final adventure of my otherwise uneventful life, like climbing up a cold mountain or sailing off into the sea.

I don’t know for sure how it will be. May be I’ll just end up digging a secret shallow grave. Let’s see. I still have months to go.

Why do we place so much value on existing?
Why can’t we just let people go without a fuss?
Seven billion plus crammed on a speck floating blindly in the middle of a cold, silent, eternal infinite. And yet we have to make a tragedy out of every human lost?
I dreamt a glorious world yesterday where my passing was shrugged off like another sunset. All my folk lived on as if I had never existed. Fuck. If only they had it in them to be stoic about it, I’d end myself this minute.
It pisses me off thinking that I’ve been adding years to […]