Hiya guys I’ve just made this account and lately I want to grab a hold of my weight I started gaining weight in like 6th grade and it stopped. Then I lost some because I had struggles with eating and I would go weeks and Months without eating nothing and if I did it was like a bite of something. Well this year I started eating again and adding weight to myself but I was never actually skinny. But now I am un comfortable with my body and my looks. And I pls on starving myself again or only maybe one thing a day idk […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Various Thoughts:
1) I’m coming down with a cold/flu thing, and have a sore throat.
I tried the important time-honored therapy known as “To hell with it, I’m having ice cream.”
And yet my throat is still sore, so this is going to last a few days.
2) I also am sneezing and sniffing, so apparently ToTrees and I will both be going (*sniff sniff*) for awhile. This is ok. I’m in good company.
3) Add all the other muscle aches and unmentionable disturbances that come with cold/flu bug […]
Since last night my internet connection died unexpectedly, I had to wait until I could get out of the house and go somewhere with WiFi.
While I was offline, I decided to use the time by writing some more music.
It’s a piece I started last week, during my extra dark bad days. Some things happened that triggered a pretty nasty pit of depression. It was bad and ugly and nasty, and I’m sorry for those of you that got to see that side of me.
Now I’m back to just my usual moderate day-to-day depression.
(Yay, I guess.)
But enough about that… the music!!
It’s a […]
My counselor told me that I need to spend time with people, that I’m alone too much. So I’ve been trying to spend time with people, people at school, people at work. I’ve been planning stuff with buddies and spending a lot of time with people who I can call buddies. The problem is that I still don’t feel right. See, before this I was always down and depressed and alone, but when I wasn’t alone I would sometimes (rarely) talk about my pain to people who I kind of trust (I don’t trust very much or very often), and I would feel this connection […]
This song reaches out to those of us who have been told that they can’t do something, or to those of us who have had their hopes, dreams, and hearts ripped out. You can keep going. Inside all of us, there’s a warrior <3. Stay safe everyone.
-BloodShallShed
I know that sometimes life is rough, and you feel that you can’t make it through the night or through the day. Some of us feel it necessary to drink or do drugs just to make it through. But I just want you to know that everyone is special, and that even though life doesn’t seem worth living, it’s best to keep going. There may be a nice surprise around the corner, and it’s just for you. I can’t tell you what it is, I don’t know what lies ahead, I don’t know if it’ll get worse before it gets better. But I know that […]
Just a thought, but does any one else feel the weight of your future, and notice how light it is? Do you feel like whatever lies in front of you will be so minuscule that it’s not really worth fighting for such a small success? I don’t know, call me a whiny ***** but I can’t really get my mind off of it lately. I guess I give off the same vibes as any other depressed, jobless sonofabitch. But I can’t say I blame me, or anyone else for feeling that way. When you get sucked into a state of depression, or are overpowered by your […]
This song helped me when I was down, it helps you realize that you have people that care about you, even if they are far away or gone themselves. Stay safe everyone
-BloodShallShed
This is one of my favorite songs to listen to when I’m down. I hope that you all like it. Stay safe everyone.
-BloodShallShed
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/testing-waters-mp3.mp3
.
Thank you to everyone who took some time to comment on my post last night. I was in a dark rotten place. (As you can see if you read through the comments.) I’m still there, to be honest, but at least I’m still able to write about it.
Here’s the music I mentioned. (Headphones recommended so the bass can come through better).
I wrote it in just a few hours, to distract myself from not being able to get online. For me, when I’m stuck here in bed at home, not being able to get online is a big deal, because it sort […]
Since it is two in the morning here, I realize this is probably the worst possible time to be here expecting any sort of answer.
I’ve noticed there’s an “evening group” which is usually here from about 7:00 to midnight or so, and then there’s (as Douglas Adams might put it), a “long, dark tea-time of the soul” for a handful of hours until the “morning group” arrives around 5:00 or so.
Because of internet connectivity issues, I missed the usual evening time-shift and didn’t get here til about midnight or so.
This means my insomniac self mostly has an inactive page for most of the night.
Originally I […]
Has anyone else found some heightened musical appreciation when they became suicidal? I’ve found any music that I once liked or had meaning before I became this way now has heightened meaning or an underlying euphoric energy as I go through my day readying myself for the act and closing up shop! It’s really quite odd but an unexpected bonus to becoming suicidal in the first place. It makes the final days much more meaningful and can distract me from the depressive thoughts that come along with knowing I’ll be ending it all in good time.
To let you all know that think about suicide that life is for a reason. I have suffered from brain cancer and depression; and I thought that my life was worthless. But I started to see a therapist and I took medicines. Now I am in school and I help anyone with common issues.
So I was 5 years old and I was told that I had cancer. I have had lots of treatment, with medicine with lots of needles. So I had 4 years of treatment and I have been in remission ever since. Then after being a 6 years cancer survivor, I started […]
Goner is an incredibly powerful song by my favorite band, Twenty Øne Piløts (it took me a while to figure out what my favorite band is since i love so many, but i realized i clung to them the most – their lyrics, the amount of emotion that is embodied in every track). I love it so much. It makes me want to scream and cry and laugh and smile.
Good music provokes emotion. And that is what Goner does to me. It makes me feel everything.
Goner is the last track on their latest album, Blurryface. I suggest taking a look […]
Four years have passed since I last logged on here. I am still around and I wonder if Trent and jmvsic are around as well.
When I was last on, I was disconsolately picking up pieces of my heart that had been roundly drop kicked by my ex. My self-loathing was at an all time high. I had failed at relationships. And then I was failing at getting over that failure.
Life had become a monotonous track in my head around such familiar territories as: “WhyDoIStillLoveYousville” and “IAmTheWorst Town”.
Exactly two months after that I formed a reluctant crush on an a friend of a friend. One that […]
The dark will consume you, you know that right?
What do I do about it? How do I make it stop?
Make it stop? It is what is called an inevitable outcome, the bi-product of a hatred you have built for years. You can’t just choose to forget the past, when it wants you, it will come for you.
But I only ever meant to know why, never for a sinful desire to be fulfilled…I promise I am not a bad man.
But that is not what you tell yourself at night, it’s not the prayer you recite in your head throughout the day.
No…I suppose it isn’t.
Correct, it is […]
I hope you find it in your heart to watch this video and realize how much you really are cared for and how much we need you here.
The End? Sure, you’re in control of that. It’s your life after all, right? But stick around long enough to see you pull through this day… week… month and years. Before you know it, you will have succeeded.
Let life do its job. You? Be the difference in someone’s life… especially in yours.
Hi. I Care. I’m HERE4UOK
Time has come. The moment when I feel like my ressources are becoming too thin to help me deal with the damages caused by a series of traumas that happened for seven years, leaving me with sole compagny our dear friend depression and collateral damages for over ten lovely springs. The urge to kill myself has been within me for so long that it shaped my life, my personnality and most certainly my abailities. Nethertheless, there are people I love and who care about me so I cannot make the jump as I think is the case for many other peeps around here. This attachement […]
How can we all be so sad? Do you guys actually feel connected ? I see some old and some new, do we really help, or prolong doomed options?
I’m a drifter I’m come and go. . .
Cause I one day I find hope and the next dispair…
Which I believe is worse, my duel personalites are tearing me apart…
Where are you? Deep in your hole climbing or looking down?