The effects of suicide on family and friends.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. My best friend committed suicide a few months ago and I’m just dead on the inside. I’m numb to everything and pain doesn’t phase me. My life gets tougher and tougher everyday, even when I think its getting better..its not… I need to do something .instead of just wishing I was gone.
So, for all intensive purposes my name is Kat, and I’m almost 17 years old. I am a junior in high school, i am involved in Theatre, Choir, Winterguard, and occasionally Martial arts. I have friends who love me, but their love just isn’t enough. I dread going home everyday because I know that my mother will soon be there and I have to obey her every command. If i even show the slightest rebellion, it turns into a shouting match of her telling me how worthless I am and that a child’s place in this world is to be seen and not heard. We […]
Why ? I ask myself so many questions but I can’t find the answers. And each time I wake up, I only find myself so ugly in the mirror, I’m covered in mud and I can’t do anything. I’m not clever, neither shaped in a good way. The only thing I want is to help. “Who ?” you may ask, everyone. I wanna help anyone who truly needs it. I found it. I found her.
She’s the one I clearly want to help, I’d give her my life if I can, I know she’d use in a better way than me, but once again, it’s impossible. […]
…This changed my day…
…I hope it changes yours too…
I have tried suicide before but when I OD’d my body got all tingly and it hurt and the pain forced me to call for help. They said it was enough that I would have died had they not gotten to me in time so I know it would have worked. I want to do it again and finish the job this time but I’m scared that it will hurt again and ill have too much time to feel the pain and will call for help.
I would jump in front of a train but that would scar the conductor for life and I don’t want […]
You’re tearing me apart,
When I can’t stop thinking and lock myself in my mind.
You’re tearing me apart,
When You’re always on my head and You’re forcing me to stop thinking of myself.
You’re tearing me apart,
When you want me to stop living, and concentrate on your feelings.
You’re tearing me apart,
Cause while time passes, flowers are dying and so am I.
You’re tearing me apart,
When You’re giving me reasons to not fight and give up on myself.
You’re tearing me apart,
All I can feel is the pain that you left and is keeping me by your side.
Without being there with you, but in your […]
Faded smile. It can say a lot, or it can say nothing at all. As a kid you have a smile that just brightens everyone’s day. But as you get older you may still have that smile and it may still brighten everyone’s day but the one person who needs it the most is you and your smile doesn’t help you. Years go by, friends get lost, deaths appear, heartbreaks… Things that as a kid never existed. Soon we are shown that our lives are in our own hands. That we just as much as others can take it away just like that. And soon […]
I’m so ready to be done with it. I’ve got my setup just waiting for me to go peacefully into the quiet dark. It calls to me every night. This feeling in my chest physically hurts me and my brain is simply exhausted. But my plan calls on me to wait.
If I do it right, I’ll help a lot of people in the process. Until December, it’s just building up my savings so I’ll have something worthwhile to leave behind and cover my expenses. I don’t think I’ll be able to wait until then. I’m trying to be considerate to those who have to clean […]
I want to share the change that happened in me. Maybe my words will mean something to someone. I met some people that shared some ideas with me and their words hit me where i needed it. These were those words:
I am not my thoughts, feelings or states, those are the things that are just passing through me. I can choose if i want to relate to them. I am the one that is aware of the thoughts and feeling,s, so they are not a part of me. They are the clouds and i am the sky. I exist even without any of […]
some people describe pain as physical when youve just ran a marthon and your legs are hurting but everyone has emotional but some more the ones that are mean cause us cutters to cut even more, no they dont force you to cut your self but the feel of cutting when someone says horrible things to you is when you feel you must cut its them who bring cutters to life not just the person but the words they speak some may be true but most the time its fake they just want to see some other person upset and in pain. it dont matter […]
THE ANIMA SERIES
Look the channel up on YouTube if you want.
***They are Christian messages***
I just wanted to let that be known, I’m not shoving religion down anyones throat, I just wanted to share some videos I found to be very uplifting. Even if your not Christian some of these messages are still really good to hear.
I also don’t care if anyone is offended by this, if anyone is then they have a problem because there is much worse in the world today.
I feel like i’m losing my friends, family, and most importantly myself. I’m slipping, falling and fading. Â The worst feeling is that i can’t do anything about it.
Wow it’s been awhile since I last read through all these stories.
All I have to say to all you beautiful human beings that are feeling low and depressed, or thinking of the most craziest shit to do? Is SMILEEEEEEE (: From one ear to another, stretch that smile of yours. Who knows, you might just make someones day with that beautiful smile.
Be happy, or well you could TRY and be happy. If it doesn’t work? Smoke a blunt. haha kidding (: Have a dance in your room, put those earphones on maximum volume and dance like its the end of the world. I promise you, […]
I’ve been spending so much time focusing on school…I’ve tried so hard so far…I even told my friends and boyfriend that I needed a break from all of them so that I could focus on school and get things sorted out…My grades have slipped…I can’t focus…I got screamed at by a teacher…and my parents…I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s been 9 days since my last cut…I might not make it to ten days if this keeps up…I feel so useless and worthless and empty…I don’t know what to do…
(sorry for all of the ellipses,((the …’s)), it’s just my thought process.)
I need my mommy.
Part of me hates her for killing herself, but the other part of me desperately wants her back.
Maybe if the little girl I once was grew up with her mother, I’d be okay.
Why’d she leave me? I cry about her every night.
She chose to leave me. She won’t be at my graduation, she won’t be at my wedding, she won’t be here when I have my first child.
She’s gone and I’ll never get her back.
It hurts when I hear your name,
It hurts when I see your picture,
It hurts when I read something that reminds me of you.
It hurts to miss you a lot.
It hurts to be alone.
Everyone says, Â “it will get better” “hold your head up” “its gonna be okay in the end” Eventually it starts to feel better and you can’t remember you’re lows because you are so high on that mountain top. Then you are flushed with memories and pain, it hurts more physically and you fall backwards and hit the ground hard than before. From the outside everyone thinks its easy to get yourself together, but its much harder.
I’m exhausted, and not just me, the people around me as well. Some nights I just sob in bed, shoving my desire to go get help back down my throat because I know no one wants to wake up to listen to me cry about how I’m hurting, feeling destructive and suicidal. I guess when I feel like I do some times, all I want to do is get help, to talk about it, tell someone so I’m not alone. More often than not lately, I’m choosing to be alone fighting all by myself against myself. I might be screaming into my pillows, at war […]
It’s nice to love your best friend. But it’s not easy when you love love love your best friend. I mean when you fall in love. It’s hard to hide and hurts not to tell. And share. You should never ever ever tell them how you feel about that kind of love, cause you will lose your best friend and suddenly will become a stranger. Theres no such pain that can compare to love someone who doesn’t love you back. Yes you can take that risk and be brave enough to tell them. You can fail and get really fucking hurt, or in the case […]
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