For general topics related to the site.
you choke on the blood.
I’m done with this.
Category:
General
I want to disappear. I don’t think I want to die as such, I just don’t want to exist, either.
That’s it really, I just don’t want to exist anymore. If I could just flick a switch and not be here anymore, I would. I would do it straight away, no questions asked. I suppose that switch is basically a permanent one, a switch of life or death.
That’s the thing though, I’m unsure whether it’s suicide I want. I want to not be here but I don’t want to be dead.
So am I suicidal? Is it suicidal to just want to disappear?
A release. I suppose that’s […]
How can I feel so numb from everything an everyone yet still be in so much pain. So much. I just want out, I’m honestly tryna make it work but then I wake up in the morning and it all repeats. At least I’ve still got my plan, I hope I wont need it but I know I will.
Yesterday, I made the hardest and biggest decision of my life.. I went to the police and told them about my ex boyfriend raping me coming close to 2 years ago along with the emotional, physical and sexual abuse and blackmail.. you name it, he done it to me. I walked over to the police station and asked for a police wife that I get on really well with, but I couldn’t tell her what happened, it took about 10 minutes for me to tell her. The minute I said rape, I had the worst panic attack I have ever had, I can type the […]
Life itself is meaningless.. no real reason to try.. at anything, even goals set in strive…. plummet like an insignificant shirker…
Ugh… the joys of yesterdays tainted upon tomorrow’s dread..
A life lived in agony and deceit..
No real reason for posting.. possibly the inevitable delay in death which isnt of my own hands… if only… such strength would allow me.. yet ties to this forsaken earth keep me from spreading the wings of death
What real point do I have here?
There isnt one… take it in strife and do not reply but yet grant me the serenity to express that which needs forclosure… that which is this life………
“Meh […]
Fuck my life. I want to die. I feel so alone and empty. There is so much pain it is unbearable. All day I pretend to be fucking okay and I am not. I go to work and do everything but I am not okay. I smile and laugh and say, “Yes, I’m doing good,” when its all a bloody lie. There is no end to this pain. It is unrelenting, stalking me through every moment of every day, reaching out to suffocate me with its gnarly hands. I am a shell.
There’s no easier way to sum it up than just simply: I hate who I am and what I’ve made of my life.
At 24 I am a nothing. I didn’t used to be this way.
A [usually in denial] alcoholic, I’ve become alienated from many close friends who I just feel ashamed to be around. I do nothing but ruin nights out and become a burden on everyone. I’ve tried so hard to stop, but it always comes undone. I’ve hit rock bottom so many times, you’d think I’d learn by now, but it still feels like every time will turn out differently and I’ll be better.
An […]
Oh how wonderful, SSSHHHHHHHHHHhhhhit
Maybe she is the smart one. Maybe I am just rotten inside. Maybe I was so horrible to her that she cant forgive me. I didnt think I was. I loved her with everything I am but maybe the stupid mistakes I made were that horrible. She is better off without me. I dont deserve anyone, especially her. She is amazing. I am nothing. I mean why would anyone want to be with someone who cuts themselves? She should run away. Run far away Bonney. Get away from this monster you were with. She deserves happiness and I cant give that to her. She wants […]
You know what I did and you know what I saw. I know your going to leave me high and dry, I saw you telling her. Everyone’s telling you to leave me I know. I’m tired of the name calling, crying ,memories and the attempted exertion of power and control we have with each other. You win! And you are correct, I am nothing and have nothing. I am sorry my loved one, but I cleaned the house for you and did your washing so it won’t be too hard for you. Sorry mum and dad I didn’t want to leave you with this after […]
Through the eyes of a child,
Everythings new.
The whole world around them,
All that they do.
All that they see,
All they can feel.
They learn it from us,
And they learn it is real.
They learn how to love,
They learn how to hate.
Growing each day,
They learn even more.
Some live in good homes,
Some get kicked on the floor.
Life teaches us well,
That we’re really alone.
Life teaches us hell.
To be as cold as a stone.
Do unto others,
As they would do unto you.
What a lie that is,
Coz they’ll still screw you.
In the end […]
All I want is to be okay. All I get is worse. I just want help but I’m too prideful to ask. And when I did. I got yelled at for not even talking to my mom about my problems. But that would end bad, since she’s one of them and God knows I’ll never trust someone who almost drug me to my grave.
Suicide is an option I can’t have. For though I would love it; the escape. I wouldn’t be able to leave him…Its cliche I suppose but he’s my foundation, without him I would truly collapse.
Lately I’ve just gotten worse and I can’t […]
I just wrote this for someone…….mainly how they see things looking out to the world…..
Storm in the sky,
Storm in my head.
Layin and cryin,
Tears soaking the bed.
Feelin the pressure,
Feelin the pain.
Heartache and suffering,
Call out my name.
I want to be loved,
Need someone to care.
Cant do this alone,
I need someone there.
Why so much rage,
Why so much hate.
Self destructing,
It seems it can’t wait.
Consumed by my feelings,
Consumed with the guilt.
The pain and the suffering,
Upon my life it was built.
But someone loves me,
I know that they do.
I know who […]
I’m probably not your typical person on here. I am 27, good looking, smart, funny, outgoing, have a wonderful family who I know care deeply for me and who have and would continue to give the world to me. My parents are still together, I was never abused or neglected. I have 2 sisters who at the drop of a hat would stop whatever they were doing to be by my side. I have a good job. My co-workers turn to me for everything. I am an aspiring musician and have had songs on the radio. Yet I feel so empty. So lonely. I delt […]
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, Lucy, you’re not actually going to try to end it again, are you?!” Well, the answer, my dear friends… is no. I’m not going to try to kill myself again. Not for a little while, anyway. I mean, I doubt I’m going to live to see 2015, but that’s still a ways off, so I’m still here.
Basically, I just wanted to make this post just to tell everyone one last time how I’m doing. I know it’s been a while since I made an update, so a lot’s happened, but… here goes.
Shortly after I made my post “My […]
Here I am writing again.
Trying again.
Feeling pain again.
Suicidal again.
Hearing voices again.
Everything is happening again.
How can I stop it again.
Is it possible again.
Will I end up in the hospital again.
Will I ever be okay again.
I have about 15 .5MG klonopin, a few random sleeping pills, some cough syrup with codeine… what do you think would happen if I took all of that? Or should I wait till I can accumulate more?
I’ve thought it about for a long time and I’ve decided that I do want to end it. The problem is finding a method that is feasible for me and also reliable. I don’t have access to massive amounts of sleeping pills (and that doesn’t seem to work either). A helium bag seems like the next option but I don’t know where to purchase the materials. Hanging is impossible in the dorm I’m in. The only sure way is by shooting myself but I can’t find a place to purchase a gun. I read a post by another college student on here who said he […]
I actually reached out tonight to the National Suicide Prevention chat online. I’m still on it in another window. It’s a little comforting so far. My urges to end my life aren’t so overwhelming now. Has anyone else had experience with them? I was actually kind of afraid that they would dispatch cops or someone to come take me to a hospital. It sounds absurd, but I’ve heard of it happening before.
I honestly wish I could be one of those pretty girls who everyone adores and compliments all the time.
I wish I didn’t get criticised by my own family every single day to the point where I wish I didn’t exist.
I wish I was the perfect person you’d see on the street who loved her life
I just wish I didn’t have to do so many things to get people in my own family to smile or laugh or even try to make them like me.
I wish people liked me for me.