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I’m losing it. Â You know its bad when you are hoping something bad happens to you. Â I just think I’m done at this point. Â I just don’t want to deal with it. Â I just want it to be all over.
For general topics related to the site.
I’m losing it. Â You know its bad when you are hoping something bad happens to you. Â I just think I’m done at this point. Â I just don’t want to deal with it. Â I just want it to be all over.
A story I wrote when I was 8.
“If I was a snake I’d live in a woods where no people were living. I’d sleep under a log on soft moss. Every time I was hungry I would look for insects to eat. If any people ever did come in the woods I wouldn’t bite them but I’d just hide somewhere.   I think i would like being a snake. “
As I see it there are three things preventing us from leaving this horrid planet:
1. The survival instinct. It’s hard wired into our brains from millions of years of evolution, and I think we all know, whether we have attempted or not, how powerful it is.
2. The values that have been bread into us since birth. We live in a world of mental slavery. A small number of insanely wealthy and powerful people control thge rest of the population, using them to maintain their power and wealth. Yet they don’t do this with chains, whips, and dogs. Instead, bread into us since birth are the […]
If you do not seem to have the ability to ignore your own flaws, then you are barely even a human and should congratulate yourself for that-
Today is the day I planned on killing myself. I’ve been trying to get everything taken care of before hand but I’ve run out of time. I still have some things to do today and one I found out I can’t do until tomorrow. I won’t be able to try again until next friday, when I can drive to the location. So now, I either have to say fuck it and let my family deal with the loose ends or wait another week. I guess I’ve waited this long, another week will be okay. .Sigh.
I tried partial suspension hanging today almost fainted could see floaters( white spots near my eyes) but the rope was long and my feet touched the ground panicked and struggled to remove the noose but succeeded to remove the noose will try with the shorter rope today night when every one is asleep. Here is a brilliant site explaining partial suspension hanging
http://jiutsu.motionsforum.com/t2-methods-partial-hanging-suspension
Now with a scar on my neck will definitely kill myself before this weekend
I just wish i had someone to talk to. Someone to tell me what to do .. ! 🙁
I just can’t do this anymore. My “life” is nothing but pain after pain. Please give me physical pain. Anything but this burtal self pity/ emotional bull crap i’m feeling right now! I hate this. I hate myself for feeling this!
I have come to a point where i just don’t know what’s left for me anymore. I’ve experienced things, that humans want to. I’ve loved  both mentally and physically and i’ve been brought up in one of the world’s greatest and most beautiful cities but … Why do i still feel like this? There’s only one conclusion and that is; i’m fucking selfish as hell!
As […]
for the past months ive felt so muhc better but now i feel so low again, i’ve told the two girls i love with all my heart everything that i did in my past… all the thigns i believe and i’m sooo scared of what they might think i want to do i dont want to hear what they think ebcause i admited to not being hounest to either of them and if they hate me my life is over… i dont know what to do…. i wanna die…
I don’t know what to do or say anymore.
My friends don’t want to be around, they don’t want to hang out. The promises were all hollow. my family tells me to suck it up and get over it. My own mother told me to go and kill myself. I just cant take it anymore, I cant take having my caring thrown back at me, I cant take people always screwing me over. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. Im tired of being all alone, waking up alone, going to bed alone. I just don’t want to live anymore. I wish I had never heard […]
I tried so hard to have a friendship with the woman I truly love, because all I look forward to in this world is seeing her find her soulmate, become the person she wants to be and sail into the proverbial sunset. I don’t care about  me or what becomes of me, I just want to see her be happy, with a fulfilling job and a fulfilling relationship with a good man who’s right for her. But now she’s begun dating a guy named Mitch and deleted my number; she wants me in her life like she wants polio. Now that I can’t see her […]
Where to start..
I guess with how I’m feeling right now. I’m doing awful. And by awful I mean I want to kill myself. I wish that sometimes I would get the guts to try it again. Or I wish I would have died the first time.
My boyfriend has depression as well. And when he is having a bad day he just goes home. (Normally he stays with me as we mostly live together) Like today he got off work early. I didn’t know what time because he never told me. He just said he was having a hard time and didn’t want to […]
I am lost in my false reality. Ever sense the love of my life left me I don’t know what to do with myself. He told me he needed time to get his life together and I said I would wait. But the longer I wait the harder it gets. I didn’t want people to know how hurt I was so I tell them we are engaged and will elope next year. If they ask where he is i say away on business. I thought letting myself live in this dream would make me feel better but it just makes me more depressed. I don’t […]
seriously I think I’m losing it. It’s like my mind is eating itself with bad thoughts and I don’t think I can handle it at this point. I need to feel nothing at this point. I can’t bring myself to commit suicide at this point, I have too many failed attempts to mess up again. I just kind of want to not exist? but never have existed I think is a more accurate term. I see my therapist on Wed. but I don’t know how it will go, I think he is going to give me skills to cope which I don’t know how that […]
Right now, I really don’t see the reason for trying or for talking or for breathing. I’m just done. I’m tired of being not pretty enough. I’m tired of not being not skinny enough. I’m tired of not being perfect enough. I’m tired of being pushed around and being called those nasty names. I’m tired of not being good enough. And mostly, I’m tired of being tired. I don’t know why everybody hates me, or maybe I do because now I hate me too. I look at the mirror everyday and I cant look at that ugly looking piece of shit in the mirror. My “friends” […]
The constant movement, struggle, and rotation of the world sets my mind ablaze. The constant parade of our society shouting demands from all people of all ages to look like this, talk like this, dress like this, believe in this, support this; if not, you’re nothing. How sweet is that…?
The neverending battle between good and evil, which has an invisible origin, kills my nerves every day. It’s like it makes me paranoid, asking myself constantly, “Am I believing in the right God?”, “Am I acting like I’m supposed to in order to be a member of this spiritual group/organization?”…..thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ or […]
stay strong my lovelys.
Everyone has heard of the term, ‘teen angst’, or at least you should have heard it before. It’s a period in an adolescent’s teen years where many changes are taking place all at once, and it may cause some strange side effects. Depression, withdrawal from family and even friends, ‘out there’ ways of style, and very volatile behavior. These ‘strange’ things happen because of the unbalanced hormones in the teen’s body that are trying to get balanced, preparing them for adulthood.
I am 15 years of age, 16 on July 22nd. I was prescribed Prozac last year around the beginning of June. Now, if my ‘depression’ were to be stemming from teen angst, like many […]
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