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I feel numb again. But I believe this to be good this time around. I am not feeling any pain. I am not feeling any sadness. I just am. Nothing complicated about it. I like this state of mind. I can think clearly.
My life is a miserable hell.  I should have been dead like 5 years ago when my life was over.  My survival instinct pisses me off.  Why is it so hard to kill yourself?
ive been think lately, recently ive been diagnosed with a fatal cancer in the heart. in the first 2 mounths i was really emo and i pretty much cried every night till i accecpted it. that was almost a year now and i really dont have much time left, doctor say bout 1-2 mounths. all of my freinds and family are getting so upset that im dying, and i cant take te fat that im hurting them, the people i love. so i thought i could make there pain go away sooner.
What do you define as beautiful in general?
You are probably sitting alone thinking why me? Why is this happening to me? What did i do to deserve this? Am i being punished? WHY ME? I am Jojo Ladd and i suffer from severe anxiety and depression. Im currently on medication which only seems to be making things worse. I try to tell myself ‘things will get better’ but they never do. But i dont give up because im here for a reason and i had a shitty childhood for a reason and i had to hit rock bottom for a reason. I may not be perfect and have problems and scars but […]
I finally got a job, which is wonderful. It’s helped me get out of the house, fill up my time, keep me busy and not feel so lonely. But the thing is… they are all so judgemental. It brings me down sometimes, I mean if they are talking about others like that, what are they saying about me?
First things first, I am a cutter, however I have always cut my legs, and the ones on my arms are done in such a way that they are either hidden or they just look like an accident. Anyway, there was a girl working for us for about […]
It’s 3:11 am, I’m just hanging out until my Xanax kicks in. To bad all my problem will still be here tomorrow. I really really need to pull the trigger. Since I’ve got only 8 pills left, maybe that sets the date 🙂
To the girl who was called ‘ugly’ by the many people she’d call ‘friends’, we will remember you.
To the boy who’s sexuality made him a target of beating bullies, we will remember you.
To the high school dropout who followed the wrong path of alcohol and drugs, we will remember you.
To the man who had no home, love or hope, we will remember you.
To the woman who lost her husband to cancer, we will remember you.
And to the all the other innocent, pure minds who have taken their lives, we will remember you, and the suffering you have once endured, Is now peace within the heart.
I apologise for following such beautiful song lyrics from The Hunger Games with such a negative post.. but I feel this encapsulates the way I’m feeling exactly.
Let me take you on a journey. 19 years ago, my Mother began to emotionally and sometimes physically abuse me over the course of my life. In my eyes, I never had a Mother. I never grew up being nurtured and receiving that maternal, unconditional love. 4 years ago, my Mother physically ‘bashed me up’, in need of a better statement. I left her immediately, I left my little siblings, my friends, comfort, my school, I left EVERYTHING that […]
im 18 years old i have tried to commit suicide 22 times i dont know y it just hurts to be  alive sometimes it unbearable knowing that onone loves u i hate my life my ex tried to put a bullet in his head cause i broke up with him i tried to cut off the tip of my finger i finally met someone like me but it still hurts!
So ive never been a blogger or anythig but I would like to share my story so people can relate. When I was younger I was bullied at home and at school. My dad was always very mean to us whicj is sadly common. I was a very sick child and they thought I would die at an early age. I was very skinny where you coul see all my ribs and my eyes sunk in. People often made fun of me at school for being so sick. I was bullied all through elementry school for being ugly,sick, and dumb. Life was very hard for […]
I want to reach out, I really do but I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I am so deeply conflicted. I am so frustrated that I cannot seem to unravel these feelings long enough to really understand them. I must be losing my mind, I can’t concentrate and I take pleasure in absolutely nothing. I hate waking up every day with no interest in a single, solitary activity. There is no song I feel like listening to, no movie I feel like watching, no friend I feel like seeing, no hobby I feel like exploring. I feel as though I can’t survive this self-made […]
A site filled with most of the worlds rejects, and im always rejected.
just that opening line right there is pitiful. for a place to be open and accepting it seems very picky. i dont know it maybe just me, but i always feel on the outside. like right now i have no idea what to say because some many people hate a despise me. i have no life at all, all of my socializing happens online and even there i cant fit in. i really dont have to say much anymore for people to jump down my throat. its like what the fuck, really. everyone […]
I have nothing clever or profound to write. I’m just sad tonight and lonely and was crying- just pathetic. but it’s the truth. I’m feeling so alone and messed up this week. I was better last week, some stuff happened, nothing major, but it’s completely derailed me. Does that happen to anyone else? It’s so soul destroying. I have to get up off the floor once again.
At least crying made me feel some relief, some pain went away and I can feel a little,. But I was afraid if my brother wasn’t here I was going to run into the woods with the kitchen knife.
So […]
I took care of my mom and sister while she was sick and when we werre moving around alot it was hard to keep our spirits up. And the last few months of my moms life was too hard on me. I moved in with a friend while she was in hospice at my house. She later died in the hospital that i was born in. I didnt move back home until 4months after my moms death.during that time i didnt eat, sleep, or talk. i lived on water. i ran for three hours a day, and cut myself before i went to bed. i […]
I used to self harm, not an awful lot but the marks remain on my wrists. I still get that feeling of wanting to make myself bleed just to get that rush of adrenaline. My father recently died of cancer, 8 months ago almost to this day in fact. We weren’t and still aren’t a rich family, and we’ve had money problems and we’ve had that worry of their being a letter on the doormat when we come home telling us we were being evicted, but luckily it has not come to that. My auntie died two years ago, and my grandma 5 years ago. […]
I figure this is the best place to come & get advice for this sort of situation:
I just got my anti-depressants today (my first ever prescription) but I got it so late in the day that I couldn’t take any. Tomorrow I have my license test, and since my anti-depressant has the ability to really help my anxiety, I feel like I should take one before my test. However, I’ve never taken one, and it could have a negative effect, making me unable to drive.
Someone please give me some advice!!
Don’t care about hope, will, or any other hopeful feeling. If u have the desire then u will do it. Despite what others think I’m done here. And here is my idea. With wolfs bane or monkshood mixed with belladonna and your favorite tea. How you decide to take it is your choice. Remember if you want it natural then be smart and make sure all evidence is destoryed. Pre make and then throw rest away. No letter but make sure you have the best day of your life. Do not be dramatic. Wash cup well or soak. I suggest put on dishwasher and turn […]
My parents are trying to start fostering children. I know it’s good for the community and such, but i dont want another kid in my house.  i already dont feel safe as it is. and with another kid here i’ll just be that kid who gets ignored. they already dont listen to me as much as i wish they would. ive tried to explain to them that im depressed and i want help but they always find a new topic to talk about. i want my parents to love me like my friends’ parents love them. instead they just make me feel like im doing […]
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