General

Straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, all of these and more are labels that define our sexuality, yet I have yet to figure mine out. Well more like I have no idea if what I think I prefer sexually is what I really prefer. I feel as if the person in me doesnt have a place to feel free and be itself. To say I am experienced is an understatement. I have played some sexually arousing games with my friends even though at that time to me it really didnt make sense why the game was arousing to me. A few years ago, I had been riding the bus to […]

i could be the smart’s brightest funniest strongest fastest good looking guy in the world or whatever. doesn’t matter what i could be. even still i could achieve or do anything i wanted and it wouldn’t matter because she gives all her affection to everyone else, and then wonders why im depressed and or pissed? like really?

~~~LYRICS~~~

So why are you holding my hand tonight?
I’m not intending to go far away.
I’m just slipping through to the back room –
I’ll leave you messages almost every day.

And who was I to last forever?
I didn’t promise to stay the pace.
Not in this lifetime, babe
but we’ll cling together:
some kind of heaven written in your face.

So why are you holding my hand tonight?
Well, am I feeling so cold to the touch?
Do my eyes seem to focus
on some distant point?
Why do I find it hard to talk too much?
And who was I to last […]

I need someone to be there for me when I need them most. I need to know someone’s there for me and will notice when I vanish. So plz if there’s anyone out there I need desperate help.. I am desperately looking so if your out there. Plz let me know.

Some days I just wanna up and call it quits
I feel like I’m surrounded by a wall of bricks
Everytime I go to get up, I just fall in pits
My life’s like one great big ball of shit
If I could just put it all into all I spit
Instead of always trying to swallow it
Instead of staring at this wall and shit
While I sit, writer’s block, sick of all this shit
Can’t call it shit, all I know is I’m about to hit the wall
If I have to see another one of moms alcoholic fits
This is it, last […]

At first site, right from the start.

You was the one who had my heart.

Our relationship was a good run.

The moments with you was a lot of fun.

Now you have destroyed my heart and put it in horrible condition.

You have finally put me out of commission.

—Me.

This is the man that I hate pretty damn much. What makes him special is the fact that I have absolutely never known nor seen him personally, I only have a tiny photo and a scrap of info: he lives in the United States, works for the government, in his free time likes to play the drums and learn foreign languages. At first sight, an ordinary man. Or could be, but not for me. A while back, he used his power of authority against me. He could’ve stayed aside from all my trouble, or could’ve answered my pleas and not take such strict measures, at […]

How dark can these hallways be?
The clock strikes midnight, one, two, three

I’m desperate at my desk
If I could just get the rest of this shit off my chest again

Some days I just wanna up and call it quits
I feel like I’m surrounded by a wall of bricks
Everytime I go to get up, I just fall in pits
My life’s like one great big ball of shit
If I could just put it all into all I spit
Instead of always trying to swallow it
Instead of staring at this wall and shit

I like having hats, wristbands (covers up my cuts), and necklaces. Well yesterday I lost control and I couldn’t stop myself. So I hung all my things up and just laid there. In my bed, in my room, music blasting, waiting for 3 things…  1. a reason to go on.. 2. a “accident” to occur.. 3. ways to end it in a quick and painless way. I have awoke and have a huge headache.. due to passing out at 3am.. Anyway im a failure.. you could say because…well…….

If you accept that life on earth is supposed to evolve into something stronger, then it follows that the weak, the useless and the self-destructive elements should die off.

Self-preservation is probably the most important ingredient for a Darwinian success story. I think it’s fair to say we all suck in that department.

With earth’s human population spreading like a virus (what is it now, 7 billion and doubling every 35 years?), evolution needs to kill off as many as possible. Fine with me. I’ll be doing my part to improve the rest of the planet by dying and not having any offspring.

Here’s the world population clock:

Two nights ago I couldn’t sleep. I was plenty tired but for whatever reason I just couldn’t sleep, at all. I ended up not sleeping that day, not that I needed much energy anyways. Later that day, I began to feel this sudden guiltiness just take over. I couldn’t think of anything else, everything I did only gave me another reason to hurt myself more. I haven’t eaten since then, only drinking water every hour, the amount of cuts on my stomach and arms increased drastically compared to how much I usually cut and I’ve been swallowing pills randomly as I get the urge.

I don’t know […]

Man, I don’t even have a fucking reason to be depressed. So why the hell am I?! I feel so shitty and alone because everyone has legitimate reasons for why they are depressed in life, and here I am. Just some ignorant kid that doesn’t appreciate the good things.

Ever have that problem where you want to help someone really badly, but you have no clue how to do it because you can relate to them just a little too well?

I’m off to see the wizard. Maybe he can give me a brain.

I thought I would be happy with more free time but I think everything is just getting worse. It’s just more time to sit and wallow about all of the mistakes I have made and all of the people who hate me. It’s more time to sit and realize how lonely I am and that nobody wants me. It’s more time to think about the fact that my life is empty and that there is really nobody who values me for me. Matt says he does and I think that he believes he does but he doesn’t really know. He doesn’t know what a miserable […]

I cant believe it. We haven’t seen each other all because of life.. I hate life. Every time I see you I feel the tears coming and inside I just remember when we were little and we had all the time in the world.. But now we’ve grown apart and im not okay with that and im not going to let it happen because of Life.. Man fuck life.. I wish we could go back to the old days because now you have no time and all because of what you need to do.. Including school, family, relationship But, damn I thought I was your […]