General

sometimes, on certain days i feel like dying. and other times i feel like hurting myself. there is no between for me, its only that i will try not to have those horrible urges, its only that i wish i wouldnt have those horrible urges. but it seems like i cant help it no matter what, i either want to kill myself or at least harm myself everyday.

i thought i was getting better, but i clearly see that im not. ive been suicidal since ten and im no stranger to being hospitalized several times in my life. they say i have depression, they say i […]

http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=767119&ac=now

i’m not on drugs
i’m not on drugs
i’m not on drugs
but i think i’m melting
into you…
.                                                   feed the fire

.                                                   feed the fire

.                                                   feed the […]

That’s the method to my madness. Or at least a major component of it.

So here we go.

One bad apple ruins the bunch.

How amazingly succinct was that?

Are there any people who actually want to be bad people? Who want to be boring? An anchor dragging the people they care about into the mire? No, but there are a great deal of people who feel that they are these things. Those aren’t the people I’m concerned with here. I’m concerned with the pieces of shit who feed off of kicking those people while they’re prostrate from emotional pain. Do they want to be bad people? Do they […]

Well, the love of my life died suddenly and tragically in a car crash two days ago. The car split in two. All over the news. I was just going to visit him this week; only one more month until I made the decision to move to his city and attend the university I was accepted to there.

Icing on the cake though is that he was a passenger in some girl’s car. His mom and family say he only mentioned her once and that he was a “one woman man”. I believe it was an innocent and friendly meeting but it still hurts. It hurts […]

Hm…

Does anyone know if such a product exists? If so, I should probably invest in some.

Argh.

I have a bad habit of talking around my problems rather than being like, “That’s what it is – RIGHT THERE.” Instead, I’m always like, “La la la la, oh, look, some grass growing at the base of this totally unrelated and completely irrelevant thing that’s making me lose my mind. That grass is pretty, isn’t it? OH DAMN THERE’S A CARPENTER ANT. I HATE THOSE THINGS.”

ADHD.

Why in hell does Budweiser have to use rice in it’s recipe? Dear sweet Jesus, for the love of everything holy, it’s BEER. Beer […]

I have nobody to talk to about my thoughts of killing myself, but I feel like I really need to get it off my chest before I try something dumb again. I’ve been trying to drop hints to certain people, hoping to get them to ask (cause I don’t know how to bring it up myself) but it’s not working. Anybody had any success in that field? If you could share it with me, that would be great thanks.

Hi SP

Well, If you have read my previous posts, I decided to end it all last year before christmas (Unless I got a job, which I did. But its seasonal and I am in the same position now)
Anyway, I studied a CompTIA A+ certificate which should guarantee me a job. But alas, I would rather be dead than contribute to the sad existence of the modern human race (7billion of one species!?!?!? Fuck off India, China and America. Have you cunts never heard of a contraceptive????(Thats a condom, for example))

But yea, Moving in with my parents this week so they can manage my […]

is not because I can’t cope with the physical or emotional pain. It’s not because I can’t solve my problems. It’s not even because I can’t find a reason to live.

The real reason I’m killing myself it because it’s easier to die.

Maybe that describes a lot of us. Just like it’s easier for a shipwrecked sailor to drown instead of swimming 5 miles to shore, just like it’s easier for a robbery victim to close his eyes and get shot instead of disarming the gunman, just like it’s easier for a failed businessman to jump out a window instead of earning back all the money […]

I don’t like (having…) sex; that much is true. The problem I have which spurred me to write this post is with how people treat sex. That’s another story entirely.

Sex is theoretically wonderful – it helps to promote pair bonding due to the release of hormones (oxytocin, for instance), it’s relaxing for similar reasons, is great exercise, and I hear it’s also good for fostering healthy skin. I just don’t like doing it that much, in much the same way you might not like anchovies. It’s gross, slimy, and full of weird looking bits that should not ever be present in a food product. Yech.. […]

so everyone has their ups and downs, i just don’t get why the downs always last longer than the ups?
I was going so well hadn’t cut for almost 2 weeks and than boom out of nowhere the downward spiral begins again, the things that were helping me cope no longer help, I never feel like eating and never really sleep anymore. the only thing I want is the feeling of the blade on my skin and a bottle at my mouth. I feel nothing anymore, just empty and numb, the only thing that makes me even the slightest big less empty is the sight […]

To anyone deigning to read this let me begin with basics. 

I am a woman, 29 years old, a mother….

My life in and of itself has been a melancholy opera of sorts….violently abused as a child, to escape this I fell headlong into learning to find an escape. I am bi-polar.  Mainly racing thoughts, these racing thoughts have been a gift at times, giving my mind insights that no one around me can grasp…..while at other times being such torment they keep me from eating and sleeping for weeks. 

Why do I want to kill myself….simple; life does not contain what I need, and no remedy from […]