Haven’t been on this site for awhile. I was hoping not to come back, but I guess it was unavoidable.
I have a wife, a kid, a car, a mortgage. My wife has dreams. Wife makes twice as much as I do, and I am constantly between jobs. I have no dreams or hopes. I am trying really hard to hold on to my sanity and my job (as both a father and employee) but it is not working anymore and I am tired. I want to get the hell out of here.
I know very well that if I kill myself or divorce, I will destroy my family and quite possibly drive my wife to suicide, as well as leave my daughter an orphan. I cannot bear this, but wouldn’t it be a heck of a lot worse if I work myself to the ground and get really sick with mounting bills in an effort to uphold a livelihood designed to fail?
Stopped going to the shrink because of my changing employment. The shrink hasn’t really helped anyway, and I’ve been on the same med for over 2 years. I started hopping up on caffeine tablets to keep on the grindstone.
I’ve quit three jobs over the last year. I was in danger of being fired from the one before this, so I quit before they could do that.
I never wanted to get married, have a house or a kid. I walked into it knowing full well of the responsibility and my potential difficulty in handling it, but I tried to be positive and didn’t want to deprive my wife of her dreams. Small favor for an ill-fated ending, yes?
Now, my wife has started to get sick. She has known that I am a depressive and of my emotional problems. She knows I am tired. She knows that she is sick and that the stress of work, my erratic employment and our kid is wearing us down, yet she upholds this livelihood in the effort to live a dream that she herself designed and that I should live vicariously (yet she won’t admit it).
4 comments
You’re in a tough spot, my friend. I hope you can find a way to deal with this. Best of luck!
Yeah that sucks FlatLiner. it reminds me of the Chris Rock bit, where he says dads don’t get any respect, dads only rewards are that they get “the big piece of chicken.” Thanks for sharing a part of your story bro.
Maybe a divorce, although a difficult decision in itself, would be the best decision. Perhaps if you had time to just be a dad and more time for yourself, that could lead the way to a better life.
Someone is going to suffer with any decision you make, but you need to be a bit selfish right now and get yourself out of the hole you’re in. I wouldn’t want to be with a man who didn’t want to be married or have a family so you’d most likely be doing your wife a favor as well.
Good luck.
Over 40 here. Never married. Still a virgin. Crappy factory job for DrugCo.
Surprise! I’m on this site.
Thing is, you can’t abandon them now. Well, you can’t ever abandon your daughter, but you know that. I don’t have to tell you what that does to their extremely fragile egos and if you look around this site much at all, you’ll see your daughter needs you desperately as she grows.
And the wife; if she’s truly big time sick as I think you mean, you can’t do this to her now either and you’ll have to wait it out. You may not have wanted it, but you’ve got it and you have to make the best of things for awhile longer with her at least. It’s true that you’re not doing anyone favors by being unhappy in your situation, but if your wife is deathly ill, you can’t do this to her now. She’s a person too and that would destroy her. If it’s a different type of sick, then start making plans to involve your daughter in your future single life.
Funny thing is, I wanted a family more than anything growing up and that’s not my life and will never be now that I’m this age. I think you’d be surprised at how lonely you might get if these people were not a part of it. While I’m happy with my freedom to do as I please, it’s still tightly reigned with my low income and my own responsibilities. And haunted with how it may have been different.
Things can be much, much worse…