For general topics related to the site.
I eat , but when I do it doesn’t really feel like I’m eating , I only do it to keep my energy up , and even then it feels like im just shoving it force ably down my throat…
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General
Hello,
I’m glad I found this website, if only to vent and see that are other folks in same boat (not that I’m happy about that).
My Story
I’m a 48 year-old male. Been diabetic for about 20 years. I been somewhat suicidal starting in my teens. I grew up in a fucked-up white trash family. Mom is a religious freak with little or no employable skills. My father has all sorts of mental issues and was quite abusive growing up. I decided to move out of state when I was 21 but at the time I getting along OK with my parents. I wasn’t kicked out or […]
A bit of personal history: I was once a top student in my Primary school and was subsequently admitted to a Secondary school of repute. I can say that this is the heyday of my life. Things starts to get sour in my third year and confidence in my ability seemed to drain away when I failed consistently to score despite all my efforts. No matter how hard I try, I just could not get it. It is the feeling of ‘I worked so hard but got so little while others have it made for them with brighter minds. It is so unfair that anyone […]
I hope I become fat. Not grotesquely fat, just fat enough that I feel disgusting. Still close enough to average weight to sometimes wake up and feel pretty for a moment. That way later I can yell at myself for even pretending I was pretty for a moment. I’ll become closer to the people I bullied. That way my hatred for others and myself is satisfied when I’ve only hurt one person, and the person I’m hurting doesn’t have a future anyways.
I don’t know about other people but I think a lot go through that phase where we really want to talk about death. About suicide. And, like a lot of them we find that most people will flip out. I had one very close friend yell at me and try and make me feel guilty. My therapist – to cover her ass – called the police. As if they could do anything. As if I would admit to them my plans. And, when I tried to call mytherapist about it – because she was so Goddamned concerned – she wouldn’t take my call.
So, now I […]
Over the years I have known several people that have successfully ended their lives.  None of them have been true friends but just people in my life that I have known.  The most recent is a man , for the most part well respected in the community, very generous with his time, great with kids, a professional and a very active member of the church.  I was one of the few that knew he was dealing with manic depression.  (Isn’t it odd that we can pick them out immediately, almost like they had  a scarlet letter around their neck but only visible to us, […]
Anyone else feel that in just 3:36 seconds he captured how so many of us feel?
Even my love, the one person I always count on to be there to catch me, is sick of me.
“I didn’t mean to ruin everything.”
“I know. Â But it happened anyway.”
I
Know
I’m
Useless!
You dont have to remind me!
I haven’t cut in over 5 months but I want to. Â I’ve wanted to stop starving myself but maybe if I keep losing weight he’ll find me lovely enough to keep.
I don’t give my heart away lightly. Â Please don’t break it…
I am 29 years old and two and half years ago I got a surgical implant called VNS. Â The depression I had struggled with for 12 years, just left. Â Two weeks ago I found out that the man (my uncle) who molested me as a child from age 13 and under is going to the same community college I have been going to and is graduating on June 1st, the same day I was going to graduate. Â I will not be attending that graduation ceremony. Â He has been asked to sing at the commencement ceremony as well. Â These past two weeks I have struggled so […]
The moment when you bored and knotice a friend you lost becuase of your depression is clost by and all you want to do is ask them how they are ……lol
Death looks pretty attractive right now. The other night I went up into my attic looking for some guns my parents have been hiding. I fell through the attic and busted up my leg pretty good. Needless to say I feel even worse now. The last two days at work I haven’t been able to stop myself from crying. My supervisor gave me an extremely simple straight-forward assignment and I can’t do it. I can’t focus or concentrate on it. I’m stupid and worthless and lazy. I don’t deserve a good career. I don’t even deserve a bad career. I deserve no career. I fuck […]
Been crying for hours still I cried myself to sleep; Now my head hurts ;Something always hurts for me…:tired of this
keep telling myself to just smile and laugh but i can’t do it for myself ; only if i’m with others maybe ,I don’t know what to thing , it all feels fake …but maybe…
So…It’s been a cliché to say that you feel that your heart is shattered into millions of pieces because your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you, but I have to admit that I’m my case, I’m sorta glad my relationship is over. About two hours ago my “boyfriend” broke up with me because I didn’t text him back…I know, stupid right? But anyways, all he said is “I’m leaving you” and all I said was “okay” and I didn’t burst into tears or jump up and down laughing, I mean, I honestly had no reaction, life went on and I don’t feel horrible or […]
I came here today to search some posts in hopes of obtaining an easy, painless, peaceful way to leave this life. I read many similar posts and I too can’t seem to keep my depression in check. Sadly it DOES effect every other part of your life. I manage to ruin or push away any good thing in my life. Each time I try harder to gain control of my emotions and depression it only seems to end even worse. I have lost count of the jobs I have walked away from in a huff, friends I have lost due to being overly sensitive and family […]
Be happy ever one you still got seconds,days , maybe even years of time… To think, plan and to be a live …hahaha …lol
Those with chronic health conditions driving you to suicide. What’s your disease? Psychiatric diagnoses counts.
written by tupacorbiggie
Me: Â Chronic mercury toxicity not helped by modern medicine because they don’t recognize chronic mercury poisoning as a serious disease.
i hate how i cant hate you , i hate how i cant hate you for cheating on me , i hate how i cant hate you for telling me twice that you don’t love me in that way anymore , i hate how i still want you so bad , i hate how you cant feel what i am feeling , Â i hate that you couldn’t feel the pain i was feeling , Â that after a year and a half , Â you just cant love me like that anymore , how one day was so perfect , and then the next , it was […]
My over zealous wife signed me up to do a relay marathon tomorrow evening at a zoo. Â She is hoping to break me out of my “funk”. Â Maybe I will jump into the gorilla pen and they can get the life insurance.
If the thought of our own mortality is so wrong in society, why are there so many of us registered on a site like this. Are we the blind ones or are the people outside of “our” secret world blind?