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I am completely broken down. I don’t want to suffer anymore, I can’t go through this alone, yet you are not here. You’re gone…. Why did you leave my side at a time like this?
I don’t want to go through this anymore. Fuck.
Why do I waste my tears for him. He’s leaving I feel like I can’t live without him. When I see his blue eyes I feel happy. Â He saved my life twice I really don’t deserve to tell him I love him. I started drinking again.. Â I still can’t forget or make the pain go away. I should of told him not to go but that would be selfish. I’m tired of feeling so sad.
Im Back. Life became busy and tore me away from this place. Hope everyone is doing well. Recently in the month of February I have this weird high going. For an entire month I was okay. I didnt feel any sadness and If i did it only lasted for a moment. Does anyone know why that happened? Another interesting thing. Those voices. I hear them every week instead of every month or so. Â They dont bother me. They hardly talk to me. And when they do, its a simple hello. Kinda funny actually. There is my little update.Â
For the past four years I have sporadically found myself glancing at the final option, and for the last four years I have always immediately retreated from the idea, felt I was foolish to even have considered it. Last week I woke up and took a long look at it. Might not so be terrible. No more collecting shattered expectations. No more painting on a smile. No more cursing the God who created me. It’s starting to sound rather pleasant. Nothingness, not even silence. It would be nice.
Hi, my name is Shannon and I am “to far out to find my way back” as I like to say. I have excepted the fact that I may never get better but I never expected to get this bad. Depression is like a roller coaster with up and downs that change so fast that outside life becomes a blur. In short I’m so lost in my own world that I may never find my way out. This scares me more than anything else because my world is like a horror film, full of death and destruction. The one thing that scares me the most […]
I just finished the rope rigging. Just about have the house straightened up. I’m tired. If I can fall asleep as I hang, I think it will work.
I smile.
I am new to this site but clearly, spending just a few minutes reviewing posts and the fact that I even landed on this site makes it clear that I have a lot in common with most of the audience here.
My challenge is that most of the posts are about being blamed our being bullied or about others not perceiving you as being good enough etc….. which I cannot identify with. The reason I hate myself and see no reason for being around is that I hate my depressions and my sadness - people looking at my life from the outside would envy the life I have, would envy […]
I’m not someone who anybody would suspect to be suicidal. I’m 17. I have the top grades in my class. I’m pretty (or so people tell me). I have a great group of friends. I’m popular. I’m funny. I’m well dressed. But at the end of the day, I hate myself. I hate myself more than anyone else could possibly hate me. But I’m still here. Read this and I’ll tell you why.
As I’m typing this tears are streaming down my face. My mom just finished another round of yelling at me to kill myself and how I’m a failure who will never amount to […]
I have reached the a point in my life where certain patterns have repeated themselves. These patterns once thought under control have so gone out of control that the pattern is now a real relative in my life. This pattern at first was just bad emotional output on my part, then the second time occurred and its all the same all over again the exact same way it ended the last time. The last time I lost two very dear things close to me and now I have no chance of ever seeing them again due to my own stupid decision. This time the thing […]
Dear Reader,
My Grandpa committed suicide when he was 75 years old. He took his life in 2005, and my Dad found him. My Father. found. him! I, a 15 year old, watched as my Dad crumbled into a million pieces, literally broke down. A 6’3″ italian goomba fell to his knees in pain over the loss of his own father. My grandma was frozen in shock, numb to the fact her husband (going on 50 years) was no longer coming home after work, or bringing her white daisy’s on Sundays, or laughing to get her to smile. He was gone. Forever.
My grandpa had three beautiful […]
One score years ago a baby was born. 20 years later he lives in misery. 20 years later his life is hopeless. I have come to the end. I have a plan. I will drive down to see her this summer one last time. If things do not work out, I will end it, gun to the head. I’m not afraid now. I’ll be free at last.
i’m sorry about what you all are going through. i’ve had a horrible uncurable mental illness for years.  my life has been pretty cruel. i was subjected to a hate crime that was pretty  much endless. i was happy once but i cannot find it again. my illness is very very cruel, l live with it everyday.  its very painful and hurts me very badly and i also believe i’m going to hell when i die. i’m not a religious person but this world was very harmful. we should believe that life was not supposed to be so HARMFUL to people but it was. i […]
having these strange “visions” popping up in my head. i see myself floating face down in the river. i see myself with a gun shot wound. i see myself at my funeral. all of these images are just coming in it seems at random. i am not consciously thinking about suicide. but apparently some part of me is. the interesting part is that i am not afraid of these thoughts. i am not upset by them. they are just there. potential outcomes. seems odd that these thoughts have become mundane almost. nothing new under the sun. so what, who cares? maybe i am just becoming […]
havent been on in ages…stopped wanting to talk about things.
i just wanted to suggest a facebook page i just became an admin on. “For the unloved” is for people who feel unwanted, or like nobody cares. For people who need to talk, or rant, or rage. Please like our page.
I, like most people here, am looking for answers that we all know don’t exist. Â Despite that we all continue, we push on with blind faith, hoping, wishing, praying that the answers will just suddenly appear before us. Â But I have lost my faith and hope and my wishes and prayers go without response.
I am now 45, and I have been struggling with depression ever since I was 17. Â It has been a long and exhausting trip. Â It has caused me to lose all of my friends, resulted in me being hospitalized for a total of 3 months between high school and college. Â Â And […]
Right now, the only thing that’s keeping me alive is the fact that any kind of suicide attempt has a potentially devastating chance of failure. Pills, guns, jumping… everything terrifies me. I keep having flashes of how disastrously each kind of attempt could go, and I don’t have the courage to try any of them. I wish I was less scared of pain. I thought pills would work for a while. I thought sleeping pills would put you to sleep and then kill you gently in your sleep! Can you believe how naive I was? Then I read about how they make you puke, and […]
Hi everyone,
I’ve read most of your stories, and they’ve made me quiver. Your life should never be thought as negative. You were put on this earth for a reason. If you say you’re not loved, you’re wrong. So many people have the biggest hearts and would love to get to know you if you allowe yourself to open up. I know you have been hurt by someone in the past that allows you to put a wall up, but being vulnerable is a beautiful thing. It allows you to feel something, rather than nothing. Even if it feels like you’re not worth something, you are worth […]
I climb the walls of my mind just like I’m climbing
On the jungle gym.
I am more than content with the
State of mind I am in.
’cause I am crazy just like you.
I am crazy just like you.
I don’t think I need a rubber room, but that might be nice.
I’m not a manic depressive paranoid or schizophrenic
So I don’t need your advice.
I am crazy just like you.
I am crazy just like you.
The lights are on but nobody’s home
My elevator doesn’t go to the top
I’m not playing with a full deck I’ve lost my marbles.
I think it’s about time. There are people I love and were talking to – I wanted to talk to – but not anymore. I have nothing more to say.
My therapist called the police on me today. Rather than talk with me about whatever the fuck she thought they would do she just sends them over. I was shaking. Did she think I would tell them? Did she think they could do something? What? Nothing unless I would have said I was going to kill myself. They asked if I just wanted attention. That sounded good so, yeah, sure. If it would get […]
he wakes up after an hour of sleep to the screams of something else he didnt do he cant sleep at night because memories are so fresh in his mind of a life destroyed by abandonment and drugs but the drugs are a crutch now without them you feel worse more hopeless then before and it seems like suicide is a viable option..maybe it is..everyone you talk to thinks you want attention because they are to blind or to stupid to see the pain really felt..he feels lost in the world and he has given up hope
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