visions

having these strange “visions” popping up in my head. i see myself floating face down in the river. i see myself with a gun shot wound. i see myself at my funeral. all of these images are just coming in it seems at random. i am not consciously thinking about suicide. but apparently some part of me is. the interesting part is that i am not afraid of these thoughts. i am not upset by them. they are just there. potential outcomes. seems odd that these thoughts have become mundane almost. nothing new under the sun. so what, who cares?  maybe i am just becoming detached. cutting loose the ties that keep me here. big deal. get on with it already. quit with the melodrama.  put into crude terms ” shit or get off the pot”. that is what that voice in my head tells me. do it already! what are you waiting for? indeed what is it that i am waiting for? every time i see that gun it calls to me. as the song says-moving on, its a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard, you know the sleeping feel no more pain, and the living all are scarred. why am i still here?