General

I’m pretty sure that tomorrow is my day. I can’t imagine living past tomorrow. No matter how hard I try to overcome my eating disorder I always fail. Yesterday it was nothing. Today it was binge/purge. Tomorrow I get up again and the cycle repeats. Unless I choose to end it. I’ve went to years of therapy. I get the concepts, but everyone can’t tailor these sometimes impossible concepts in their life. I’ve been sick since I was seven! I’m not sure if I ever will overcome this on earth. I don’t want to be here to find out. I’m not going to layout the […]

so…this is how it starts…

so…this is how it starts…

The reason I said I’m all right on my own is because I’d rather be alone because I chose to, instead of dealing with desperate attempt of socializing, only to receive rejection.

I feel like a puzzle piece that simply doesn’t fit.

I hate how they are all normal, being happy over happiness and being sad over sadness, and I am an emotional wreck instead. I hate worrying about things people don’t even remember. I hate how at some point they tell you they’ll stay and leave you the next day. I hate how I say how I feel only to get responses of confusion and mocks. I hate […]

Know this guy?  One of the greats.  He offed himself.

http://www.learner.org/catalog/extras/vvspot/Crane.html

A Jest from the Speechless Caravan

(To the man who sold me the Brooklyn Bridge)

 

“Out of some subway scuttle, cell or loft

A bedlamite speeds to thy parapets,

Tilting there momently, shrill shirt ballooning,

A jest falls from the speechless caravan.”

 —Heart Crane

Raucous prophet of piston and steam,

Of lusty, symphonic gear and wheel;

Steeping the night in jackhammer dreams,

Why not the Bifrost road to Brooklyn?

Did water alone remain to love?

Did gravity weigh ostentatious?

Sad pilgrim of circular passage,

Seduced to the water nymph’s lethal

Kiss, honored laurite of the deep;

All is upon transformation’s edge.

Flesh surrenders to endurance but

What purpose is midwived in the deed?

What could […]

The best lies are mostly true.

No need to read

Who am I? Who should I be?

What am I? What should I be?

Questions that run through my mind daily.

Questions I never manage to answer.

I don’t know! All I can think is fuck this shit!

It’s hard, you know, being the good girl, being the

innocent girl, being the smart girl, being the helpful girl.

Do you guys even know how much I suffer!? Do you

know how hard it is to keep smiling, when there’s no

reason to smile!? Did you know that you are the

ones that destroyed me!?

Every day, I fall deeper into this black, black hole.

Every day I wonder, how to die without it looking […]