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Well what do you do when nobody can stand you?
because you cant stand tall or cant understand its all the same to me you all know im nothing
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General
i don’t have a job, i don’t have money, i don’t have a love, i don’t have friends, i don’t have nothing, why i’m leave…
Fuck!!! I’m still here. This past week has me feeling I really have no strength to stay alive. I have reasons too I know that. I just need a way to make them more important for me to stay here. I don’t know how I’m supposed to carry on. My fakingit lifestyle isn’t working but being real wont work either it will turn people away (so I’ve had experience). Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Someone set the pain free. Really. Please set me free.
Everyday, i just want to..
Bash myself
Cut myself really deep
Burn myself
Choke myself
Stab myself
Kill myself
Fill myself with never ending pain.
Cause it’s what i deserve, it’s what i need.
I want to do it, but i can take the lead.
Gumpy
I realized today that I’m always lonely. I yearn for a friend, someone to talk to, someone who understands, but even when I’m with my friends, I’m so damn lonely. I don’t feel as if they want me there, I don’t feel as if they’d really care if they saw me on the roof of a building, just about to jump.
I’m such a terrible person. I try to be funny and make people laugh, I reach out for people to be happy with me, so I can be pleased with myself, but I always say the wrong thing. Say the wrong joke, say it too […]
Life, meh. Â People, double meh.
Humans are either assholes or just a huge disappointment.
Where the wounded gather and co-mingle, there is often (but not always) a mutual healing.
so here i am last night layin in bed thinkin as usual..cant ever clear my head..i started thinkin..maybe it was my fault..maybe i lost him because i didnt stop him when he was walking out of my drive way the last time we fought..now that i lost him i wish i would have stopped the fights we got into to as soon as they would start..i wish i would have been the bigger person and told him to knock it off when he would be pissy with me..i wish i would have took advantage of the time i had with him..the times he was over […]
another day and i feel just as worse as the day before.
i got up this morning and it took me like 5 minutes to realise where i am, who i am and take in my surroundings.
and when i finally do realise who i am and stuff i feel instantly like shit. Like completely empty. Like im walking around doing nothing.
My mind drifts towards the peace i might find if i leave this horrible world. i think about and i chicken out of it the more i think about it.
i love sleeping so much becuase it’s like being dead.
i know people might call me a lunatic […]
Please keep yourselves alive, for although your present circumstance might seem helpless and hopeless, it most likely will change for the better, and at least give yourselves the opportunity to cultivate abstract hope in the absence of hope, for this shall help you ride out the hopelessness of a future down cycle.
I am in a circumstance where I must be euthanized before I end up as gravely disabled in the state institution with a Foley catheter (since it would be the least expensive option for the state, and they don’t give a fu*k about my sexuality)Â coming out of my penis for life, and I am only 47.
I think the scariest part of all this is when you desperately want someone to reach out to and no one is around. You want a friend, but you don’t want those people you call friends to know. And you don’t have the money to get professional help. And you don’t want your family to start blaming themselves. And you sure as fuck don’t want people to start asking what you’ve done to try NOT being depressed.
I’m not even sure if I am depressed. I mean, I have depression, but I spend these days being mostly angry and frustrated. But now, I’m just sad, because […]
I have been severely beaten and tortured, by cops, by deputies, by inmates, by psychOtechs, by inpatients, and by myself. Many profound cells and hallways of anguished misery, and some horrible experiences with four-point restraints and injections.
It’s like all I see is black and white, there is no color left in my life. There is so much I want to do but I just can’t seem to find the motivation to even take a show. The only thing that keeps me here the fact that I have a beautiful 6 yr old son who I love and adore dearly. He’s my life line but I feel I’m ripping him off cause all I want to do is sleep.
I spend the first half of my life suffering multiple tragedy multiple trauma, then I spend the remainder of my life living in anguish and misery as I heal from the trauma and then end dead before I can ever live a healed life, what’s the f*cking point>?
I wish I was dead. I really do. Â I have been suffering from depression since my early teensand I am now 36. I cannot remember the last time I felt happy; felt sad; felt hopeful; felt ANYTHING.
I know how I could do it. I know I would be successful.  What’s stopping me?  I have a little boy. His father is violent towards me  I cannot leave my baby with that monster.
What am I to do?  I cannot go on anymore  I am dead anyway
Life to me is just unhappiness i dont like being here really… Nobody has done anything to make me feel this way i just dont see the point in a meaningless unhappy life full of anger and depression… Im 14 and most people just say to me that i will be fine its just school and its stressful but school isnt a problem at all. I have friends and family that care about me but i never seek help from them because i dont like contact with other people, i like being alone by myself so i lock myself away.
I constantly question myself about my […]
my name is jess and ive been fighting deppression for 3 years i have also been fighting self harm for 2 year and i have recently stopped (for now) and i have an anxiety disorder. so as you can see, im pretty messed up! but what i am going to tell you next you might think im really crazy i think. but for some reason i fantisize about death. i have always just wanted to die. i dont know why i guess cause my life is just so effed up. maybe because ive lived enough of my life to know that i dont want to […]
I hate when people ask me if I’m okay, or how I’m feeling. The answer is so loaded and I’ve never been a good liar. So, I nod and say, “Fine,” because it’s such a basic answer that it has no meaning, anymore.
I hate waking up every morning to rush to a job I hate. And people say, “Well, just quit,” as though I don’t have loans and hospital bills waiting for me and whispering taunts when I try to sleep at night.
They say, “It get better,” but does it? I’m almost 30 and I’ve been dealing with this outcast, abnormal bullshit since I was […]