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am just done.
The author’s son, Michael, took his own life in 1969 at the age of 26, after a nearly decade-long struggle with some vaguely defined mental illness. Some of his psychiatrists (referred to not by name but by the appellation “Dr. First” “Dr. Second” “Dr. Third” etc. — there were eight), called it schizophrenia. It looks more like schizoaffective disorder or bipolar to me, but who knows. The point is, in spite of various different […]
I dont want attention. I dont want anyones pity. I dont want people to tell me how I was wronged in this big bad world. I dont want people touching me, hugging me..
I dont want to acknowledge how hard I have been hitting rock bottom for months. Not months, years. Ive been hitting it over and over again, and I think I finally managed to break the ground and go beneath it.
What I really want is for someone to hold me. Not just a hug. I want to be hold all night to wake up in those same arms the next morning. I want […]
It feels so good to cut so deep in your skin that it wont stop bleeding for hours.
I love the feeling afterwards. When the wounds are trying to heal but because youre wearing clothes it keeps on opening again.
I love the way it stings everywhere when I move to remind me what a disgusting piece of trash I am- as if I could forget that.
I love seeing the blood slide down my body.
When I only look at my blade alone I smile. I cant help but smile while I cut myself.
Why would I not smile? This is what I enjoy […]
This song made me feel kinda sad the first time I heard it…
Anyway, I thought I’d post it on here; I’m sure some people will like it.
So since I moved back in with my mom, she said I can’t go anywhere on the weekends and that I have to help her by babysitting, all weekend, and she’s not even going to pay me. And she went through my stuff while I was at school and she found my razors & pills, and she threw them all away. I’m beyond pissed off. I just want to sleep, and get high.
i have been divorced for 2 years and just cant stop loving him, even tho he is remarried, this man was my soul mate or so i thought we were married 18 years and ive tried everything therapy meds nothing is working and it just gets worse i cant live in this pain any longer. Â the pain is great i cry i lay in bed and just think, ive lost my job ive been told im crazy i want to die just to scared to do it because i will probably fuck that up to.
So, being sick and tired of my life I decided to do something about it, or rather, try again. Not try to make it better but just to end it. After all, since there’s no meaningful purpose to my life I figured there wasn’t any point in prolonging the pain and suffering.
I had bought all I needed for “BBQ for one” (carbon monoxide poisoning) and went to the outhouse to prepare.
Here I fired up under the charcoal and had it be nice and glowing to emit maximum nice and deadly CO.
I had the coal in a chimney starter and was standing outside […]
in that special way that lets you know that you have a place in their heart. She smiled at me and it broke my heart. The path of human coupling is a long and winding road, and I’m not up to the journey. As much as I want to take the trip with someone, I’m afraid of being hurt, of being reminded that I don’t belong with people, that I’m only here to serve.
In my brain, it feels like I could succeed at.. building some sort of relationship built on trust and support but… There’s no evidence to support that. I’ve never been able […]
Seriously? Thats just wonderful
A battle, a fight, another day. Every morning I wake up and the first thing I do is check to see if I still remember how to smile, I’m not sure when it happened but piece by piece my emotions were shattered and I slowly started faking them to get by.
I guess it did have a beginning. I once had a dream, a direction in which to aim for and look forward to, but it fell to pieces and went from being a realistic future to a childish night time fantasy. I tried to fix it, I tried to create a new dream, but every […]
After the little incident, I’ve kind of calmed down. It took me a panic attack and about an hour of biting viciously to calm down. Which sucks. I broke my personal goal of no more biting. :/
I think I’m letting this situation get out of hand. I tore myself up about it and now I just need to let it go. For crap’s sake, it’s college. I don’t understand why I beat myself up over a fucking one night stand. So for a few days, I’ve been recovering from my stupidity and getting back on track with classes. It was going pretty well. Then last […]
It may be that being able to actually say what is on my mind may help. Therapy never has. Does anyone out there believe that loosing ones best friend to suicide at 19 allows one to continue to be a depressed and suicidal person at the age of 52?
It’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been super busy with my new cashier job… Which makes me want to cut my arms open. I drive 40 minutes to stand in one spot for 8 hours doing the same thing over and over, making min. wage. Everything is all wrong. This life is too much. My family is in pieces, my love life is falling right behind it, I’ve lost all my friends and become addicted to drugs and shit…
They keep telling me I’m crazy and I need help so I just keep telling them to shove it. I may be crazy but I’d […]
What’s the worst thing I could say? Things are better if I stay..
So yeah. Hi. Today has been… Interesting. As you know yesterday was 9/11. *in comes Daniel* ‘If they couldn’t be saved, then neither should you’… He was talking abut every known terrorsit attack. And you guys know I have that thing going on ith the illuminati and thinking that they’re watching me? Well, that got slightly worse too. Had a mini panic attack. 🙂 (Y)
And so now, I avoid people in the street for fear that they may try to do something to me. It’s a little worse than it sounds… I probably […]
I failed my first year of university, they offered to let me retake the year but at a different campus, my mother suffers from severe depression so I could not tell her, she thinks I was picked to go to the other campus for doing well. I can’t tell her, and I feel awful for lying.
Now I have to sort out things with my landlady but she isn’t picking up her phone.
I think one cares about me anymore they see my scars and call me a emo yet they do nothing to stop me self-harming , but when my friend self harmed they all cried and hugged her and helped her though it they always check on  her when shes sad but they just leave me. I now want to die as i feel no-one cares and at the moment I cant find anything good in my life or a little reason to stop, one of my friend said thy wont cry if I died. I cant picture my life when i’m older. Help i need […]
Just stop for a moment and consider this; You Matter.
It’s a crazy thought, but you do. Nothing else needs to be said, nothing else needs to be thought
YOU matter.
I hate how much responsibility is put on me, my Grandpa is in hospital at the moment and I have to go see him every afternoon after school and all day on both Saturday and Sunday… I’m 16 and I’m failing grade 11 because I get home from the hospital at 8:00 most nights and by the time I  finally get home, I’m so exhausted and I have no time to do my assignments or see my friends and I’ve only seen my girlfriend 4 times in the past 2 and 1/2 months… And all my family do is make me feel bad about not wanting to […]