General

I have not posted here in over a year. I went through a very brief period of “remission” from my depression. When it returned, it did so with a vengeance. I am now 57 years old and have never been able to recover from the combination of heart related issues I first suffered 3 years ago.

I am now isolated in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains where I am companion to my 84 year old mother who has dementia.

I have been in the process of applying for SSDI since late last year. The hospital has just […]

Someone once told me that to love was to live in pain. I’ve never known a truer statement. Today my brother asked me to go into his room, take his guns and knives, and hide them so that he would not kill himself. He sat down and cried. I have never seen my brother cry. I myself struggle with the idea of suicide, but to hear the words coming from someone I love so much ripped the air from my lungs. I thought that in that moment, he had taken his knife and plunged it into my heart. Perhaps this is why I never told […]

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but, I HATE BEING ALONE!

..umm yeah im not myself.

LEAVE ME ALONE!
but i hate being alone…HELP ME? im so confused. WTF??

From the bottom of my

Bad things, hit me hard

Right in the chest, im falling apart

Only I

Know how i feel

Everyone else has their own problems

Never can i tell them. That’s

How i hurt

Everyone

And i can’t do that anymore

Ripping me up inside, tearing me apart and yet..

Today i put on my mask and parade around in a fake smile

They say that i toil, care for others too much

I guess that could be true

But to heal my broken heart it must be such

For with their hope and joy i make glue

But is only holds for so long and the time that it does so gets shorter all the while while i sit and bleed….

I dont feel anything. I’m just done. I’m just empty. Filled wit shit un my mind. I’m like drowing myself in tears. Remembering a lot of things I could have ended long ago. People might not even read this but still I sit here with no fucking purpose in life. Why am I even fucking alive. Someone else could have my life and actually appreciate it. He/she would actually have people to appreciate his/her life. But instead I have it. I remember when I told my mom that maybe she would be happier if I was dead, what did she say? “if that’s your choice […]

just when i thought things will get better i end up fallin. whats the point in living. whats the point in taking all the fucking pai and fucking dealing with all the crap that is going on in life ive planed on  on just over dose but im a coward i cant go through it. the pain seems to take control in my life and thats what i been doing. ive started cutting my self and its just not enough. ive lost all my friends my family im dealing with everything by myself. i dont know what to do anymore i need a good advice.

I dont exactly understand how this website works, where to start, what parts I should tell. I guess it’d be easier if I just kinda wrote down all of the stupid things. But I guess I’ll start, at the beginning.

Im 12 years old. I have 3 other siblings. 2 stoners and 2 depressed sisters. Thats my family. Although I live with my dad, parents got divorced when I was 6.

It mostly started when I was 10. I mean, my mom was always yelling at someone. Mostly in arguments with her boyfriend (I lived with her at the time) Then Christmas of ’10, she had already been […]

How do you even write all your problems down? I mean I can’t even understand them myself.
I have a loving girlfriend… and even though society may hate us we love eachother so much that we don’t even feel their hate.

I have some friends… I mean not like “hang out everyday and die for eachother” friends… more like acquaintances that probably wouldn’t think of me twice if I wasn’t here.

I have a little sister whom I adore… she is so beautiful, so perfect… I mean she’s just heaven sent.

And I try to be happy but every time I “am” something just pops up in my […]

When I say I feel trapped, I mean because I really don’t want to live, but to kill myself  I’d feel SO selfish towards my 4 younger siblings and boyfriend, I wouldn’t want to ruin there life because of me killing myself.

I wish my life would get better but things always seem to get in the way.

I haven’t met my boyfriend yet, but he’s SO amazing, I have issues that have made me put of meeting him for a little while, mostly insecurity around the issue, and he’s really understanding of that, I’m so worried he wont like me when we meet.

I really want to sort […]

Well im just over all this shit, damn..wish i stayed hanging the other week, but for some reason, i un wrapped the cord and now i regreat it, i need to hang until i pass out and die, its so hard using that method… idk.. i just know that i cant go on anymore.

Tonight i’m drinkin alone. Got a moldavian wine, italian food and english movie. What a mix. At daytime i was going home, was searching my passport – will go to international rescue mission soon. My dream came truth ! Far away, another continent, with hot firefighters trying to rescue people from eartquakes, bombs and so on.,

Anyway, when i was searching my passport i found a few boxes of old letters and pictures.. My boyfriend who suicided.. left so many love letters and pictures. 3 years past and i havent been on his graveyard. Today when i read those letters and everything i understand myself. He […]

Today i spent the day sleeping…..i woke up at 10pm……..and nobody noticed….nobody noticed i was missing……i guess thats how its gna be when i end my life…..no one will notice…..i feel like a failure

Every time I inhale, I wish the oxygen was a fatal toxin.

Every breath, painful to take in.

Every breath, a reminder that today it could all end.

Every time I inhale, I wish the oxygen was a fatal toxin.

I am an optimist suicide. Many times I’ve imagined dying as a long sleep, with light dreams and no pain, no suffering, no bad emotions. Could it be true? Of course. But could it not be true? Yes, why not. I have no idea what dying feels like. Maybe dying it’s like going on a journey you know absoloutly nothing about.

I’ve been depressed, but I believe laziness is my strongest feature. Oddly enough, my second strongest feature I believe is determination.

I have contempleted many times on taking my life. Most times when I am thinking about suicide and dying I have in mind a certain […]

During my short life I have endured a lot im have struggled with suicide and depression but im still here so to everyone out there who is also struggling stay strong don’t give up and you are not alone I promise

A lot of people on this website are just looking for someone to chat with who understands them…

My name is Katie, my e-mail is Kathrrryn@yahoo.com, and though I can’t connect to your specific situation exactly, I’m always willing to listen, and am usually pretty understanding. I’ve been through a lot, myself.

Anyone can message me any time with their inquiries and I’ll be there as much as possible.

(But please don’t abuse my e-mail!)

i just want to die this weekend. sick of feeling sucidal every day.