General

Ugh. I just want my old bf the one I knew a few months back now two minutes in a convo and were fighting like never before he always makes me feel bad now I wanna end it all he won’t care like he said he would..…

a week ago i was on facebook chat with my sis told her i was sorry for not comeing out to mamas yesterday and she said its fine maybe next time…she started in on me with this i use mama crap and i take advantage of our mother crap i have felt so badly about myself although i know what she said is not true.i called her a wino and said its no wonder todd left you i got email back she said say bye bye toyour wino sister that todd left me and then another one saying no contact i have felt so hurt […]

Most people here ask: “Why shouldn’t I kill myself?”

But I think the better question is –
Why should I live?

uh yeah..idk anymore..PERFECT DAY! yet im still pissed….why? this is SUPER FUCKING HELLA DAMN ANNOYING! soooo…yeah in about 5 minutes i will enjoy life and in an hr il fucking hate it. XD DX haha uh yeah…

Anyone else seen that ‘if you went through with it’ story on tumblr? I’ve seen it several times, and I think some people may have posted it here once or twice. In third person, it goes through the stages of ‘your suicide’, about how you’re pushed over the edge by just one tiny thing and decide to do it, about what you say before you die, and about how your family, then your friends and school react to your suicide.

It’s clear from reading it that the person who originally wrote it knew the feeling, knew how easy it is to hide it from everyone, how […]

I have wanted to die for as far back as I can recall. My mother was clinically depressed and from my teen years until the early 90’s I self medicated with drugs an alcohol. Since I have been sober (mid 1992) I still wish I would die. I am not going to attempt suicide but everyday when I was up I think ‘when is this shit going to be over” you see I know it will be over someday and I believe that being here is the ‘purgatory’ of the catholic faith. We are getting the crap simmered out of us and the longer […]

I feel as if there is literally no place for me here; that this life is a cage. Sometimes I think maybe I was not born in the right time or place.  In my short 24 year life, I have never been able to “belong”, regardless of where I search or who I interact with. Some people believe that our souls choose what kind of life we’ll have before we are physically born, in order to learn some important lesson or another. I can imagine my soul saying, “Hmm, I think I’ll live a life of failure, depression, social rejection and utter worthlessness that will […]

I know ppl die everyday, I know how my life is, and i do not have to put up with this, Ive waited long enough as it is.. My body has a demon in it, this world is ending, really, anyway, i tryed to kill myself when i was 14 now 26, in the past two weeks ive tryed to hang myself with an extention cord and the door, oviously i failed, i almost blacked out the 2nd time, but i was struggling and its not that i dont want to die, cuz i really do and am soon, i just dont have the […]

I love my lyrical titles :3 makes me different?

I’m terrified about going back to school. Seriously. I don’t think I can do it…. I only just got through the last few weeks of last year thanks to Luis. And now what do I have? A lot of mental health problems and a ‘broken heart.’ Fuck this shit, If only I had the courage to fucking do it. I wouldn’t be here now if I did. Thursday is coming quickly, really nervous about that. And it’s my nephew’s christening on sunday… Bless him. I want to stick around and watch him and my other grow up, […]

I don’t want to live anymore, I can’t cope with life. I can’t keep struggling anymore, it’s just a constant uphill battle which I never seem to win. I have never succeeded with anything in life because I am too scared of everything. I have always had people around me telling me that I am no good enough and to just give up. So I am going to give up for good now.

Every time I try to move my life forward I am pushed two steps back by someone or something. I have never held down a job for longer than a year and my life has just become […]

I cannot believe that it has come to this, again.

I need to go in again, otherwise I will be dead in 24h. I have a time with my psych consult tomorrow afternoon. I just need to keep myself alive long enough to get there. After many, many months it has come down to this again. It will be my 8th time in, but this time I hope they hold me long enough to get the help I need. I cannot live like this, can definitely die, but need out some way or another.

Fuck, this is so so so hard.

Well I have tried my best but it has never been good enough.

I am tired of trying. But what is worse is that I scared my wife this morning, I shouted at her and she was visibly shaking.

I never want to do that again so today I am going to collect my prescription and I am going to take it all in one hit.

Al least tonight I will be pain free.

See you all on the flip side.

food for thought

I cant eat, i just sleep 24/7 i need to be in a coma

I’m fat.  I’m not pretty.  II have no talent.  Not like the rest of my family.  Everyone else has something they’re really good at.  All I’m good at is being a burden.  I even had to have my grandfather help me change my flat tire this morning-something I know how to do.  Fucking hell.  I’ll never be anything to anyone.  Especially not to myself.  heh, I guess I lied.  I’m good with animals.  If they could talk back, I wouldn’t need human friends.  *sigh*  but they can’t so I’m back to square one….  Why is it that I’m a lot happier with animals than I […]

I made the bad mistake of listening to the radio this morning because i didn’t have any ear phones so i could listen to my mp3. so i heard a song that reminded of of something i’ve been trying to forget for forever. the song was talking about how this girls dad was good and he makes promises that he keeps and that hes never going to leave. i wish my dad was like that because i might not be as screwed up as i am now. instead of always having my dad around i got an occasional visit from him being drunk and on […]

Is it the right time or not? We all know what it is: suicide.

I will try not write long. School is back in exactly one week. I do not have a job yet. I did apply for everything that I can. But, still I haven’t got any calls yet. I feel like I’m useless. The only thing that is keeping me from being depressed
are the shows that I watch everyday or I recorded through my DVR (which I probably will not see in my lifetime). I know you can say that I don’t have any reasons to be depressed. But I think either a middle/first […]