General

i hate living in this stupid and worthless society.. i cannot find anything interest in this life , all i have found so far is pain and tears. i tried many this to make myself happy but nothing worked. am i the only one feeling like this?? i can feel myself fading everyday.. little by little i am losing the grip…i have isolated myself from others.  i need a someone who feels just like me… s.tck40@yahoo.com if u like drop me a message  940772625250

Feeling even lower and lower…group sucked today,talking about BPD and mainly about how it affected the people in their lives and how THEY could cope. Also talked about how therapists need help dealing with us psychos. Sorry,if you signed up for that job,you shouldn’t be complaining about how miserable the people who are paying your bills are making you feel.

  I posted on the helium post,I am “testing” a tank and have some questions. if anyone else is familiar with the research,please message me or reply to my post there. No,Im not doing anything at the moment,just research. Though this weekend is going to suck […]

December 22, 2011

I’ve been fascinated by this site for a while so I thought I would give it a try.

Strangely though when I tried registering, this appeared:

ERROR: Invalid IP address.
ERROR: Speedy Gonzales was here.
ERROR: Registration stopped by Sabre.

What’s with Speedy Gonzales? and Sabre?

Anyway, I suppose I’m supposed to say a little bit about myself.

I’ve been depressed for the past 4 or 5 years with repeated feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. I’ve deduced that these feelings stemmed from my mom urging me to get high grades back then when I was younger and continuously comparing me to my much smarter peers. Now however, she […]

First I’d like to point out that I have had both my grandfather and a close girlfriend commit suicide, my girlfriend did so with a gun while I was on the phone with her back in 2007. I spend an ample amount of time alone now, because I have nobody to be around, no one to talk to. My thoughts continue to poison me more with every moment. A girl that I believe I have a crush on now, who knows the way that I feel has no time for me. I was browsing several suicide prevention sites yesterday, doing everything I could to deceive […]

Under Anesthesia you just don’t sleep you lose consciouness it self.  I remember when i was a kid going under. Say remember. I don’t remember shit.

Anesthesia take’s away consciouness. No dreaming No anything. I guess that’s what being dead is like.?

Ok so you are not conscious. But not dead. (my body.) I mean. Still functional. Anesthesia take’s away consciouness. So my subconscious kick’s in.?

Doctor’s shine a light in you eye’s to see they dilate. If they don’t that mean’s you dead.

I’m trying to find out if you are under anesthesia dose this still happen.? I think it dose. (sub conscious.) So i’ve googled it and all i’m […]

‘life is a butterfly, one day it’s just going to spread it’s wings and fly away’

I know that doesn’t make much sense, I wanted it to come across as everybody Is going to die. I’ve been suicidal for a while now…. I self harm and I have OCD. Most of the suicidal thoughts come when I’m really pissed off from OCD related things, teachers at school know and I think that they attempted to help me, they also told my parents which hasnt helped much. Life just feels hopeless at the moment… I’ve researched suicide so many times until I finally came across this […]

Keep your feet on the ground while your heads in the clouds.
Easier said than done, am I right?

Fuck my life. I seriously wish I’d never been born, then I wouldn’t experience this fucking shit world.
Things start to go right for me only for a crumbling finish. Fuck it. Just fuck everything, life seriously is not worth the fucking hassle at best of times. I’ve been cutting, the pain feels great; nothing feels better I promise you all.

There are no second chances people, you get what you’re given and if you fuck up then you’ve fucked up. Not a damn thing anybody can do […]

What does man love more than life
Fear more than death or mortal strife
What the poor have, the rich require,
and what contented men desire,
What the miser spends and the spendthrift saves
And all men carry to their graves?

Just came down from zopiclone, missed them sooo much, only have 2 left which i gotta save for suicide, since i love being high, i wanna be high when i die.

My doctor said he won’t prescribe me with anymore zopiclone this year, so i’m guessing he either means next year literally or next year as in my age, i’m 17.

So i’m gonna call them (the place where he works at) next tuesday or so, next year, and see if they can fill my prescription, if they can’t and i gotta be 18 for them to refill it or whatever, i’ll most likely off myself that […]

well I’ve decided i want to get better. so i told my mom and asked her if i couldnt go to therapy. to be honest im loking forward to it. not sure if thats a good thing or not…

but i still feel “not myself” around my friends and family. the only i am myself around is basically my boyfriend, which is good. he seems to be the only one that can make me really smile and laugh 🙂

my friend still isent talking to me, im pretty sure its becuz of my secret but im not sure yet. i wanto to talk to her, […]

Everything seems good …I have moved on..I can smile..work..I act like Im ok..yes Im ok but deep inside my heart I just don’t wanna live like this ..I can’t handle my suffering ..It’s just so hard to live without him ..but yeah I still have to live for my family and my son..

Homeless and 22.
What’s the point in anything.
I want to just hang myself in my parents backyard.
I left to California for a job since I lost mine here. Then my boss got a DUI and couldn’t pay me anymore so i headed back to Washington.
They say no I can’t come back home… It’s winter!!
With no money no car no friends(they all moved)
Can’t even pawn this stupid iPod.
It’s just like why bother?

I have come to realize that I am actually insane.  Daily thoughts, coupled with prior experiences and prior thoughts have allowed me to become an active member of society, to which I function and seem normal to most people I will meet.  However, with thoughts ranging from being out to lunch, seeing a steak knife and imagining impaling myself in the throat, to seeing a person who is slightly annoying and vividly seeing me bash his head in with a brick, I’m pretty sure I passed the ‘Maybe’ and into the ‘Definite’.

And that’s just the physical thoughts.

Mentally, I’m a trainwreck.  Due to a horrible experience […]

So it’s super late (or early) in the morning, and I know many people are probably not active on the site, and that’s okay. I can’t sleep, my head hurts, and I’m just laying in bed contemplating randomly until it came to mind a resolutions of sorts that I wrote on Halloween and had saved on Word. When I wrote this, I was in a state of despair, and the only consolation I found was through myself, or at least, through what I preached (and still have not put into practice).

I know that many of you guys will probably laugh or shrug it off (that’s […]

So the end of this year is going to be tough. I’m getting kicked out of where I live in 8 days (I was told today… YEP 8 fucking days notice to find a new place to move into and move all my shit), and it is almost impossible to find somewhere to rent at this time of year.

I can’t move back with my parents or I would go insane, and a share-house is out of the question since nobody can cope with living with me.

So looks like this could very well be the end of the road. If it gets to the point of […]

11:58 ive been on all types of anti depressant medication but honestly its all bullshit. ya it makes you seem happier and your adorphins are running and you feel great while on them. but you cant have them forever and when youre off of them you go back to that deep dark endless depression you started off in. fuck all these pills. they are all going to burn….. 12:17… they are all gone. 😀

I think I might do it Friday. I finally have my note written out. Took me long enough.