Hey, I haven’t been here in like a while, I keep thinking maybe eventually I will grow and the feeling will go but I have now officially lived 25 years and the feeling remains. It feels hypocritical of me to still be here when I’ve been feeling it for so long.
I was gonna wait a month more (didn’t wanna be the monster who did it so close to their birthday), cleaned up around me, finished some projects at work, chose the notebook and all, many loose ends you know, then now ww3 seems to be right here 😀
I’m in the midst of […]
Category:
Rants
I haven’t been here in 2 years. Why am I back again? Why am I here at all? (Not sure, whether I mean this website or the actual planet) I even forgot what this website was called.. I’m glad I found it. Kinda. I have met so many unwell people, who then moved onto being happy. And it’s never happened to me… Who stays the same after 17 years? Where’s my glorious ending to the whole bitter route of despair? I haven’t changed one bit and I tried. I really did.
I’ve traveled, met some people, got medical questions answered, started cooking & baking (no more […]
i’m getting nowhere. why is it that i don’t hold onto the things i experience and people i talk to? it’s like everything passes through me, i don’t absorb anything, i am hollow. it’s a struggle to produce a thought.
on friday a girl at work said she doesn’t want to work in the same room as me because i’m boring, the guy she was talking to chuckled. safe to say that no one wants to be around me. idk what it is about me that makes people not start a convo with me, on some occasions i’ve put the effort in to try to start […]
Hey, I just made my account like two minutes ago. Please be kind. I think this post is going to be long, just to warn you. I think people can leave comments on this website so if you have advice for me it’d be greatly appreciated.
Without going too much into my personal life, I’m 20 years old and a college student. I do well for myself, have a 3.8 GPA, and solid extracurriculars. I was even a college athlete my freshman year haha, but I quit. If I live, I will be going to law school after college. Hopefully a good one. Externally, I seem […]
antidepressants have been helpful in keeping me alive, unfortunately a side effect of mine is loss of concentration and it’s starting to annoy me, forming my thoughts takes way too long. but regardless, i still want to live, i’ve tried calling my surgery a few times for an appointment to increase my meds. they keep telling me to call at a different time or try again later because there are no slots available. it’s really frustrating, i feel my heartbeat slowing, lungs fill irregularly. i feel like i could sink into my bed for days.
it’s so stupid that i’ve been ruminating on a method for […]
i didn’t think it was possible to be in this shithole again. i thought we had matured enough to deal with this shit on our own. we had learned how to escape this, i’m sure we did escape it. right? i want to go hug maa. but alas, we’re too old for all this now. we’ve left home, we wanted freedom- we have freedom yet here we are in this forbidden sink again. till how far will we run? run from the things that matter and the people who care. how far will we lie to the ones who give a fuck? i know we […]
Do you notice that there are rules of social engagement that other people understand, but you struggle with?
It’s been a thought of mine lately that, at the risk of being dismissive, I will refuse to endure sifting through nuanced conversations with half shrouded intentions. It exhausts me to try to sort through discussions within my social sphere trying to determine who is friend, foe, or frenemy.
Frankly, I would rather be alone with my own oddness than suffer through the boorish character assassination of the petty and the restless.
It disgusts me when people just want to “warn” me to avoid someone else. It’s just a veiled […]
i’ve been struggling a lot lately.
in the end, i did call my relationship quits. after all, it wasn’t fair for either of us. i’m surprisingly okay though, kinda weird. honestly i didn’t even feel bad about it being over. i feel a bit bad about it, but i guess it is what it is.
i don’t know what’s going on with me lately. i’ve kinda been retraumatizing myself a bit. if not a lot.
it feels like i’m stuck in the past. waaaay back in the past. it’s so annoying honestly. it doesn’t let me live my life currently. how am i 27, still […]
Here we go again.
I’ve been watching porn for almost 12 years. My mom told me never to watch it when I was 9, but I got curious and did and I could never stop. I’ve wanted to since before I started. I never really wanted to do it.
It just gets more and more messed up and everytime I ask myself why? And I want to stop doing it and then I do it again. It’s paradoxical. It’s an addiction I suppose.
More and more I think about self harm and suicide recently. Just ideas. I threw away my pills why did I do that. I wouldn’t […]
I know that many people would notice if I disappeared but thats because I am such a pain in the ass. Maybe it would be easier for everyone to not have to deal with me. I am only a burden to people. I care and love so much and I believe that its just too much and to overbearing for most people. I thought I was doing better. Even with everything I have been through, (abuse, ptsd, depression, etc) I thought I was gonna be okay. After my last attempt, I fully believed that I want to be here. Sometimes I really do […]
The More I Study People, the More Pessimistic and Cynical I Become
by fuglyGirl
written by fuglyGirl
Sometimes, I like to come here once in a while to just vent my dark thoughts. Take it or leave it.
When you’re unhappy, you search for the answers. I am always questioning why things are the way they are. Sometimes, I feel like I was born in the wrong universe. I have become obsessed with it. What is the best to search for then the internet, where people are free to expose their secrets. It’s believed that some people are so attention starved that they will tell on themselves or others. I was cursed to see this darkness in this world.
People […]
why do i feel so miserable when i talk to someone who’s supposed to make me feel loved and cared for? i’m actually asking, i’m so serious lol. like, i guess i’m just not happy with him, that i can understand. i just don’t feel like leaving is an option. i feel so guilty for even thinking about breaking it off, it’ so so weird honestly. it almost feels like i can’t.
writing it out makes me realize how dumb that sounds, but i really do have my reasons to feel that way. a friend of mine kinda made me feel pressured to not hurt […]
People will always think that I am stupid. No matter how many times I debunk it, they will always believe it. Maybe even get some cognitive dissonance.
Do you know how many times people have asked if someone drove me to a certain place? Why? Because they don’t believe that I’m capable of driving myself. I get so damn annoyed that I’m just going to play the ask a question, get a stupid answer game for now on. They already think I’m stupid, so why not?
At the church, me and my mom were visiting. Everyone there wanted me to join the Special […]
i’ve been struggling a lot lately. honestly i don’t really know what to do. or well, i kinda do. like, i know what i should do, but i also don’t want to actually do that. kinda complicated, but not really.
sometimes i think, i really shouldn’t’ve started to date people. so far, it’s only made my life miserable. or maybe it’s me. i’m a common denominator after all i guess. i mean it’s not like i’m perfect, obviously. but to not even ask the other person how they’re doing? it feels pretty different.
long distance makes things even worse, because no matter how many times i […]
I’ve only ever been good enough for a moment.
Good enough for me, good enough for my friends, good enough for my wife and for my children. But only for a moment.
When I reach the crossroads I know so intimately, I know I have to turn around and go back. I’ve never been able to turn left, or right, or find another road to go down. It’s always the same; go back to the start and try again.
I’m 30 now, I have BPD and somehow I’ve managed to find a wife and settle into a life with two kids. Kinda funny considering my generation […]
My first time posting here. I explain with words, tears, music, etc, and I’m just met with either silence or surface level positivity. Even in suicide/depressed-focust support groups online, I still feel like an outsider in my own pain. I still feel like an alien to those who are supposed to be feeling just like I do right now. How fucked am I if other depressed people don’t even understand what I’m going through? “But have you tried this?” I’ve tried a million things a million times. I’m not depressed or suicidal for the common reasons most people can relate to. I reach out, and […]
I used to post here when I was a teenager, and now I’m in my late twenties, so. The more things change, etc. Sorry if any of this is out of place. I haven’t gone reading around.
On the one hand, even just making a new account here made me remember the problems I used to be dealing with, and I’m at least doing much better than I was the last time I was around in, like, all of those old areas. On the other hand, it’s bleak and soul crushing in a way that I can’t put into words that instead of being able to […]
I just want to talk about something that crossed my mind since recreating my reddit account days ago and that is, if your family members or real life friends, maybe your partners find out that you had been writing suicide letters here; how would you feel?
Because that happened to me in my past relationship and it felt strange.
Okay, so I was suicidal and having thoughts about my relationship then. I won’t divulge much since I myself don’t remember but what I do know was how freakish it felt when my ex (then-bf) replied to my suicide letter, etc on reddit. I know he […]
It’s been a while, I’m still alive. I guess I made it. I’m still as jobless as I was when I first started posting here, single again too. I have too much rage inside me to even care about the hurt I’ll give in the case of committing to a relationship. This is quite the hate post so I don’t care what ends up with it. Don’t comment with advices I don’t need.
I am hurt. So hurt by the opposite gender. I wish I’m not but I fucking am. I wish I could sit still and not seek validation for my hatred. It’s not […]
I use to hang out on this site a lot a long time ago. I was once suicidal, longing to die, but then I got help and received disability benefits. My life has been better. The best way to describe my depression is that I’ve learned to manage the symptoms, but it’s not gone. It’s easier for me to post here. I hope to God that the people in my life don’t find this post. This is going to be a doozy.
Anyway, I believe that I am asexual. I’ve done the research because I knew that something wasn’t right. It’s normal for people […]
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