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Category:
Stories of Hope
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So i’ve been living throughout this suicide phase for so long, ever since elementary school. I’m less suicidal though, I’ve learned to have self-determination and to live by my own standards and goals. I’m very active now and try to do positive things that helps me ignore the negativity in my life. This thing so called “family” is a word I erased from my dictionary. Family was never there for me. (sorry and excuse me when I jump all over, my thought process is really fucked up so ill cut it into chunks that cut my thoughts)
My story goes like this, typical asian scenario where […]
I tried to kill myself last Tuesday. I don’t remember anything except waking up in the hospital. This was my third attempt. How do I keep surviving? I pray so much that my prayers are me actually begging God to help me. Still no answers. Am I here to be punished? People speak of a hell after we die. Does it really exist or is this really hell and there is nothing after this. I want to believe so bad there is something good after this hell i’m in on this earth.
Things aren’t good lately. But it’s going extremely well with my LuV. 🙂
She loves me infinitely. 🙂
And I am so lucky to have her. 🙂
She makes me smile in my hard times. 🙂
Yesterday I was at the condo unit of my friend with some blockmates. We decided to hang out there. They have 3 doubled deck. I lay down on the top bed near the window. I tried opening the window but they were mad at me. Maybe they know that I might jump out of the window. They know how crazy and mad I am. But I told them I wouldn’t jump. Not yet. And they let me open it but they were guarding me. I opened it and took my feet out. I looked down. I was very tempted to jump. It’s like I can […]
I finally finished reading My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga. After reading it, it makes me rethink about suiciding. It makes me think that maybe I can be fixed back again. That maybe I can recover. That maybe I can still be saved. But I think what I’m feeling right now is just temporary. I know tomorrow I’ll be depress all over again. But I know somewhere deep inside me, I’m begging to be saved from this black hole.
For me : My love cares for me alot, alot.
But before she came, I also used to think that no one cares which lot of you guys think and feel.
And I know this for certain that we(SP) care. We(SP) care when any member of our family feel low or go thru any horrible situation. So don’t ever think that no one cares.
How ironically hopeful and beautiful, it is ? 🙂
Today I thought would be like any other but it was better than normal
I didn’t want to die as much today then normal
I didn’t hate my friends
I wasnt feeling hopeless for once after a long time of sadness
But tomarrow will probaly be sad again
You Wont Break Me ..
Cuz You Just Made Me …
Stronger Than I Was ..
a few days ago I wrote what i thought would be my goodbye note, and this is still on my mind and whilst the idea of suicide is still dominant in my mind I’ve found ways of coping, they’re not healthy but at least they’re better (in some peoples minds) than killing myself, they’re still unhealthy, i know that is is not the right way to deal with things but right not I’ve been cutting a lot, i don’t want to be told this is wrong because i know it is, but someone here to speak to would be very helpful, the pain and adrenaline […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
This year I was diagnosed with a metabolic disorder towards my eyes. And my diet changed completely.
Then around May time this year I started to feel depressed, suicidal and I had anxiety. And I started cutting.
Then I promised my best friend I would stop cutting. I broke that promise twice. This time I promised and he made me swear on his life:(
A month ago I found out my dietitian thinks I need Physchologist, she thinks something’s wrong with me.
About a week ago I had surgery. And then about 2days ago I did the most stupidest move in the world and it could’ve ruined my life. […]
Everybody has their own life, their own background, their own story. A little piece to my big puzzle of life was reshaped last year, January 7, 2015, at 2:47 when I was in the shower, listening to “What hurts the most” by Rascal Flatts, my song stopped. Though my phone had just died, but it did not. I was getting texts, and phone calls. Right when I step out of the shower I look down, and I had multiple missed calls from Jaydan. I call back, not thinking it would be any bad news, just thinking she wanted to hang out, and the words came […]
I have a huge crush on one guy from school for, like, forever now.. New country and new school was a rough start for me, but when I saw him for the first time, everything slowed down, my heart stopped and my brain freeze. His eyes are pale gray and when he looks at me I feel as if he is burning through my soul right out. It hurts my bones to see him, for a moment each time I see him I get a strange stabbing sensation all over my body. I am a pain addict in general, I don’t like self harm, but […]
its been a while since I’ve posted on SP mainly because I’ve been pretty happy lately. About 2 months ago I had a big fight with my mom and I told her to shove it and that I would rather live in my car than live with her so that’s what I did. Yeah I had the balls to do it so I did I slept in my car for 2 weeks and I was extremely bored but happier than I was at home and then I told my ex girlfriend and her parents took me in because they always liked me only one was […]
That’s how it goes. I’m not looking for sympathy or empathy or anything really, just felt like finally posting something after being registered for such a long while and not doing anything with it.
My stories the same as most, severe depression since I was young, when my mom got injured at work and I basically lost her, at least in my mind how it felt. She was a single mom so with no one else there to help us, it was up to me to take care of everything. That wasn’t so bad really, I liked the responsibility.
Fast forward a few years, I’m 12 or […]
So here I am again. Alive and healthy, better than actually, my physic is great. Maybe that’s irony? Does that make me a coward? A fake? How long have I wanted to die after all?
I wanna say it’s harder when you see the people it would hurt, and you know they’ve gone though a lot of the same pain you have, and you wouldn’t hesitate to die to spare them just a little more. Maybe that’s what it means to have a reason to live? But since when do I care about other people? I’m the asshole. That’s how it works. I don’t build […]
I feel less suicidal, being nothing.
I am not a student, not an employee, not a daughter, not part of society. Not glum, not unattractive, not any other adjective.
I feel better when I am not obliged to fake emotions. I dont mind being alone anymore. Can I just float through the days, just for awhile?
Can I stop identifying myself as my experiences? Can I stop feeling ashamed for having not accomplished anything? Can I stop identifying as a human, and just wander through Time as nothing, just for a little while?
Last year I was so lost, depressed and broken that I decided it was my time to leave this world. I wrote my letter, cleaned my room, grabbed the rope, jumped out my window and ran. I went into a forrest, began to tie the rope around the tree and then around my neck. In front of me was a massive empty, dark field. Behind me was a giant fence with houses behind it. I saw flash lights in the corner of the field in front of me so decided I needed to jump right away but then I heard a bang from above me. […]