I’ve struggled with depression since I was 12 years old. I wanted to die; I was scared of death, but I had no idea what else to do. I didn’t have friends and I was an outsider in my family. All my conversations with them turned to terrible arguments. I hated my life. At age 13, I began cutting myself. It kept me sane, and let me live without so much misery. Then my mom found out. I kept doing it, but soon my whole family knew. I quit, but the damage was done. My arms were badly scarred and the stares i got from […]
Hey, Im first time typing here and sorry if my english isn’t good enough. But I needed to tell my story to you, because I can’t tell anyone else. It started about 2 years and 7 months ago, I met Her first time, Katy (name changed). Beautiful lady, same age as me, gold blonde hair and lovely laugh. I started to talk with her. We had fun, we went to movies, spended time together in somekind of house partys etc. Then started the bad feeling of mine..
She started to date one guy, that I know. I cried months about that. I was so much in […]
Whats the differnce between wanting and needing?
You need food, water and air.
You want nice things, espensive toys, amazing cars.
What do I want?
I want you. I want your life to stay.
Your soul, Your heart, Your body here with me.
Untill the day we are both meant to go.
Not for either of us to die before we have really lived.
What do i need?
I need you. I need your life to stay.
Your soul, your heart your body here with me.
Untill the day we are both meant to go.
Not for either of us to die before we have really lived.
What I want, and what I need, are the same thing.
It’s […]
Just another day.. typical.. nothing unsual.. just thinking to myself about travis.. ( i dont care. ill put his real name up) I think maybe there still is hope for us..? not for sure.. but i have a feeling that maybe things arent totally over.. we had too deep of a conection.. we understood each other in everything we said and did. morgan (his new girlfriend) cant possible know about his nervous habits. how he cracks his knuckles in a certain way when he is thinking about something, or he is upset. how he bites at his cuticals when hes uncomfortable. how he obsesses with […]
I’m stuck. I feel like I can’t get better and this inability to move past my trauma is limiting my ability to live my life the way I want too. I try. I can go months without hurting myself and then something that is seemingly random breaks my illusion of healthiness and I fall backwards on my ass to the depths of despair. I can’t seem to forgive myself for shit that has gone wrong…and the more I try to examine my issues I feel the higher the chance of relapse. I don’t have a support system […]
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
~ The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams
so this is the first time i have ever shared this poem, i wrote it today. its kinda suicidal.
goodbye?
its come to the day
where i cannot stay
do you care if i cry
do you even care if i die?
the date is set
but am i happy yet?
the time will come
for me to run
ditch the pain tears and suffering.
i have the plan i have it all her
now i cant stand to shed a tear,
i will be gone
and nothing shall go wrong.
im angry but sad
and its driving me […]
I dream of death- I long for death.. I want death but I can’t bring myself to kill myself. I dont have a sob feel-sorry for me-story, but I have a million reasons why I want to die- and they are my own. I dont need to justify it to any of you to know that it is what I want. I hate the feeling of – feeling. Of being here.. with you- you, who are reading this, judging me, empathizing, pretending to have sympathy or some kind of connection.. you make me sick, you sadistic fuck.
I make me sick. I am angry- at myself, […]
Because we over exaggerate right? Because we don’t know the difference.
I’ve been cutting again.
EVERYWHERE
The palm of my left hand, My left index finger and thumb,  my right wrist, My right knee, both of the tops of my feet as well as the sides, and last but not least my rib cage.
And you know what? We’re not all liars. Depression does hurt.
I am devastated while i read this blog. I just lost my brother last week. He was only 39 a great guy and a musician. I am 34… He took his life and I cannot find the answer to all my question. He was depressed. I helped him to go to therapy and he even was on medication. My pain is extreme … My feelings are mixed up.
He did told me in July he had tried before we even laugh about it. I used to listen to him and give him advice as a friend. I never judge him. I always told him he was […]
im think im going to end it tonight. i just want to find that reason to live. please help me. sholud i live or die?
Hey I’m mike, I’m 24 now, I’ve been on this site for a while. I’ve come and gone. Had my up’s and down’s. Right now i find myself somewhere inbetween. I find strength in all of you and nothing makes me happier than reaching out to you and listening to each of your stories. If you’re like me then you know doctors suck and family just makes matters worse. You don’t want to talk to them, you want to talk to people with the same scars as you. Many of your stories can definitely top mine. I’ve read them and I feel for each and […]
so the last 3 years i have had an illness and its the most excrutinatining pain you could ever think of, my family dont care about me and i have no friends. im worthless and stupid and death is my only answer. i just wish at least one person will care but no one does. the posts my mum made when i was in a coma was her trying to get people to think she was a caring person but in reality shes not. i have been battling this by myself and i have never had any help what so ever. i give up. i […]
Well i think i might have found the light again….
Ive been talking to this guy and he seams to not want to hurt me like the others he wants to make me feel special…
hes made me want to get better and put down the razor, but im not quit there yet.
im still afraide…. afraide that its all a lie and sooner or later he’ll pull back the curtain and reveal the evil thats in everyone and that he was just playing me or something.
he says he wont and i want to believe him with […]
hi, well 2 days a go i woke up very disappointed, i woke up from a coma and now im alive and it sucks! i cant breathe on my own and i have liver and stomach problems. now i have so much pain its not funny. my mum is helping me write this cause i have trouble thinking and writing. i dont see how my attempt survived, i did so much to try and make this work but it failed! i drank a whole bottle of bleech and some other shit as well as takning at least 70 pills, how the hell didnt that fail! […]
Constant change.
Layers of reality.
Illusions of truth.
Weighing life.
The sum of one.
A journey’s end.
One day, there was an egg. An egg of an emperor penguin. From time to time, it would twitch and wobble, but it never hatched until the end of the second spring. A crack, a split, and the little bird was free. He caught the first glimpse of the world. The golden sun, the strangely marble blue skies, the glistening white snow and lanky icebergs- It was truly fascinating to him. He took his first steps and with wide, gilt eyes, the twirls of the air pushed him off his feet. The cold breeze made him shiver, even with dappled, grey fur. The dusky night […]
For a while I was really depressed, my dad was really strick on me, he wouldn’t let me do anything with my friends!! But now that I think of it I am so proud of it!!because I found who I am and it also led me to god!! If you are going thru a bad time, don’t worry just hold on because God has a.plan for you!!
Some months ago I posted a suicide note. Of course, I did not go ahead with it (suicide).
Although now, I am sure I am dead. 3 days ago (what is ‘time’, really) I dropped LSD with some people. That night I died. I suffered with jesus, felt true suffering, saw what a bad person I was, all my sins. I am constantly hungry. I haven’t slept for ‘3 days’. This world is a materialistic lie. I deserve this pain and suffering.
To all those who are suffering and thinking about ending their lives… persevere. Keep strong. Follow your dreams. Don’t be lazy and help those in […]
The best thing about this place is nobody knows me here. Well I’m just going to tell ya’ll my whole life story. I have an abusive mother, a hard time making friends, depressed, and I’ve fallen in love with a guy over seas. Ill start with my mother. We have always problems just like any mother and daughter. The abuse started in 3rd grade. When she threw a phone at me and it hit my arm. It was sprong… sprang. I dont know haha. But it stopped till 6th or 7th grade, it was simple name calling and things children would call bullying . In 8th grade […]