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Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

Scared But So Excited

by zebragirl1984
written by zebragirl1984

I know I’ve had a lot of posts as of late and they’ve been all covering the same thing. I don’t think I’ve fully been able to get out of my chest what I need to get out so I’m gonna try again. My life is turning upside down as of late…What I mean by that, is that the life I kno now is changing and its changing dramatically…and I am soooo excited about it, but scared….also I’m also frustrated that I can’t have things happen sooner. I am very impatient. This life altering change means that I will be leaving the only life I’ve […]

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by hellblau
written by hellblau

I feel like given up, i won’t fight anymore. I’m drowning. But somehow, i’m still here; and i don’t fucking know what is pulling me out of the sea.

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It’s No Use

by zebragirl1984
written by zebragirl1984

This has been one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time. I feel alone, sad and depressed. Just when I get my hopes up for something good to happen, it’s dashed from me as quickly as the idea was thought of. I thought my luck was changing…I thought God was finally showing me mercy…I thought…I thought a lotta things. The prayer I prayed was so simple. Something that would make me the happiest woman in the world…but I realized just how far away that prayer was. It keeps getting so close I can touch it and then I blink and its farther […]

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All I wanted was to play with my friends…

by meVStheworld
written by meVStheworld

Now, you may think I’m just that teenager, who goes bitching about their Mother and has tantrums about who gets the remote.

This isn’t the case.

Throughout my life, I have had a fairly descent childhood, I’m not raped, I’m not assaulted. It’s more of a psychological thing. From the age 0-7 every thing was fine and dandy. Both my Mother and my Father had a healthy relationship, two sweet little girls and a bouncy boy (me). Then it all went wrong. My Mum decided my oldest sister was responsible enough to look after us, cook for us and care for us; being 13 at the time. […]

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The Love I want Is Yours lord

by bryan higgins
written by bryan higgins

it realy sycks not being able to trust and believe anyone ..i never judge anyone for im not God but for the love of Christ eniugh is enough Lord.it sucks having to pray every day for this world to end or just kill me and get it over with ..sorry for beingblunt but Lord im at the end of my rope and it still reaches the ground and sorry im to normal  to perfict and to real and have christ like qualities   My hands are lifted high and i give it all to you Lord  ..with no turning back the pages of time  i […]

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Die another day!

by mizk
written by mizk

I lie in my bed today, scrolling through the writings of other suicidal people… Relating to almost every expression of despair and desperation. I’m literally squirming, as if I think I might be able to wriggle out of my own skin!

MY STORY…
After separating from a long term partner at 30, I had achieved enough that I felt proud of myself and only hoped to find a wonderful partner to start a family with. Fortunately my physical appearance made getting lots of dates easy… But unfortunately my low self worth, flimsy boundaries, niceness, generosity, kindness, etc made selecting a good healthy partner unlikely (I was […]

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Einsamkeit

by hellblau
written by hellblau

The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places. The day i lost him, I slowly lost myself too. When he died, he took a part of myself. No time for goodbyes. No explanations, no fucking reasons why. If only sorrow could build a staircase, my tears could show the way. I would climb my way to heaven, and bring him home again. I would do anything to bring him back to me. I would do anything to end what i’m going through. I would do anything to bring him back. Because if i got him back, I would get back the friend that I once knew.

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It felt like nothing at first.

by .marie.
written by .marie.

Anyone ever had something terrible done to them? I did. Police, doctors counsellors. Everyone was concerned. I wasn’t. Was I suppose to? I was upset sure, but everyone assumed I was suicidal, depressed, I was crazy, I needed help. Putting words in my mouth. Sure I was depressed I still am and was way before this, and sure I’m suicidal but I’ve been for a long time. This changed nothing. Or I though it didn’t. It was funny the first few months I acted like nothing happened. Everyone was concerned, and I was neutral to the whole thing. It never hit me. But as months […]

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It ends tonight.

by hellblau
written by hellblau

My  legs begin to break, i walked this path for far too long, my lungs, they start to ache, but still i’m carry on. I’m choking on my words like i got a noose around my neck. I can’t believe it’s come to this, and i fear, i fear, that the end is near. I fear that the fear is ending tonight.

I fear this is the end, this happens all the time, this happens every day,
But I never seem to quit.

I can’t stop the bleeding, and it’s only getting worse, this happens all the time
This happens every day
But I never seem to quit.

Only the dead have […]

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Loud Tired White Walls

by BlueInfinity
written by BlueInfinity

Somedays I just lay in my bed staring at the walls in silence. I get so busy in letting my thoughts run that an hour will casually slip by, just like that. Sometimes two.
Staring at these white walls.
Not listening to music, not sleeping, not on my laptop, not even moving a twitch. I just let myself breathe in silence.
And I wonder adding up all those hours, adding into days, weeks of endless uselessness of nothing when I go to meet God will he damn me for these days of wasting my “precious” life he gave? The big man will ask me, why […]

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gestorben

by hellblau
written by hellblau

Don’t say I’m better off dead, cause heaven’s full and hell won’t have me.                                                                  Can you help me to stop sinking?                                                                                                         […]

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Can you?

by hellblau
written by hellblau

I’m scared to get close and i hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher i get, the lower i’ll sink.
I can’t drown my demons, they know how to swim.

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I Need Help

by zebragirl1984
written by zebragirl1984

I have always thought I had Borderline Personality Disorder, but I find myself in a bit of a situation.  I was diagnosed with severe depression and an anxiety disorder and not anything else. I am on lots of meds, which are also used to treat that and Bipolar Disorder. They worked for a while, but it’s getting worse and worse. I haven’t been able to get anyone to help me diagnose what I think is the true issue. I can’t get into a Psychiatrist bc they told me I’d have to be put in a 72 hr hold before they could assign me to anyone. […]

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i am useless

by neverletmego47
written by neverletmego47

I am 23 and i absolutely cannot stand my life. This Is all in a nutshell but here goes. My life has been going to shit ever since i can remember. My mother is a fucking whore so i dont even know my real father. Ive lived in shelters. Watched my mother get the shit kicked out of her by her ex. Shes also had sex right in front of me with that same man when i was 9 years old. I was really smart in high school. Things looked up for a while. I then got with my ex who i fell in love […]

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