wow, folks, just had good news.landlord giving me til the 31st. yeah. a little more time to straighten things out. not much, but more than i had. i dont feel so bad squatting here now. i have permission. that and he feels bad about tossing me out in the snow. ( if he only knew, eh, tm,lol) one more small worry eased. so the magic and miracles continue.HOHOHO,HAHAHA and a couple of falala’s. keep trying my friends, the shit eventually breaks open, it hard, dark and tough, but with each others help we will get through this. i love all of you, and want your […]
I really need a break from university. I don’t want to continue anymore. I don’t want to keep pretending I am academically inclined while I am not. I am really really tired.
My parents think I can still continue to dance after graduation . Unfortunately my injury will not allow me to do so anymore. My frequent trip to school has aggravated my injury.
I tell people I now study in NUS. It is not with pride. It is with deep regret. Outwardly, though I have the student card. Inwardly, I am not one and can never be one. […]
I haven’t killed myself because my entire family is going through rough times, a death would only set them back that much more. This house is falling apart, literally, and everyone in it suffers daily. How selfish would they think i was if i took my life? Why would that matter? I’d be dead. No one could tell me anything because I’d be erased and that’s what I want. But thats not what im allowed to do, even in death I’m a burden. I never thought I’d be this young and want to die as much as I do. I can’t believe how […]
Hey if you’re reading.
I’ve been playing with the thought of killing myself for about 10 years out of my 25 year long life. I doubt I’ll ever be able to do it without access to ******** or guns. And like some of you, I dont really want to die, I just dont wanna live under these circumstances. Merry Xmas.
I want all of you to know that I care about each and every person on this site and most people in general and I want anyone if you need someone to talk to I will talk to you about anything at all so my twitter is @kenziebear_4878 just send me a tweet and if you don’t have twitter comment on this and ill find some way to be able to contact you so please I really want you to msg me if yu need to talk or advice and I can help[ get yu phone numbers to suicide hotline or shelters or hospitals or […]
so a lot of things have been changing lately for one im kinda homeless you know sleeping on a friends couch but im happy here nd they love me being here its lik when I was younger nd I used to stay with them ime really happy im here for now instead of with my sister which I will eventually be with her cuz that’s where the courts said I had to live but ill figure something out so I can stay happy annyywayy im engaged and I really love this guy im with his names cole nd hes amazing nd he loves me and […]
Today..
Today I decided I would throw away my blade and try and get clean for a friend.
I promised him a long time ago I would stop cutting, I never fulfilled my promise to him.
Today I decided this time I am going to try and stop cutting for him…..again
I am going to try and get better, and not let the crushing thoughts at 2 a.m get to me
I will be clean of self harm scars again
I will try and win this fight, instead of letting it suffocate me
I remember last December 26. My grandfather’s birthday is the 27th, so we were driving down to Pittsburgh to see him. I was texting this girl I liked, when out of the blue, she told me that our middle school art teacher’s wife had just found him hanging in his art studio. I immediately got my mom to turn around the car and go home. A year later, I still can’t believe he’s gone. He was the most wonderful man I ever had the privilege to know. I remember how, on the first day of class each year, he would do magic tricks for us. […]
She stands at the edge of the precipice,
looking down towards her future.
The last tears that she will ever cry,
falling from her eyes,
then falling into oblivion.
She watches them drop
as they disappear forever.
Yet, she laughs in the face of death.
Would it really matter if she took the leap?
She has been forgotten by tomorrow.
The wind blowing at her back,
pushes her to the edge.
Almost agreeing with her final decision,
and encouraging her to jump.
A thousand thoughts and memories
racing through her mind.
Her first day of school.
Her tenth birthday party.
The lonely, awkward days of her teenage years.
With the new year fast approaching I thought it might be interesting to engage in a little fantasizing. A bit of a fantasy never hurts now and then and it can sometimes tell us where we are grounded and where we are not. So here goes. Just answer the question in a million words or less…
If you were approached by the devil and offered a price to sell your soul into eternal damnation, what would you want in return?
To offer some food for thought, I was contemplating something like this: Being returned to the year 1969, with a 20 year old body, one billion pounds […]
Ive been suicidal for a while. Absolutely no one knows.And i want to keep it that way so that if i actually go through with i t, no one will stop me this time. Ive attempted it once before, i drank a cup of bleach and had been unconscious for awhile until my mom found me. I am beginning to get those urges again. I had been clean of cutting for about a month until tonight. I think i might try suicide again.. but use a rope.. so its quite, and once i do it, no one can save me. Any other quick ideas?
I’m in tears tonight. Not entirely sure what triggered it right now, but I’m hurting and I just don’t want to be here at all. I’m just ready to leave this world.
I’m just super lonely this Christmas and need a shoulder to cry on…..to vent……I’m 18, turn 19 in 5 days, I basically have no friends or family……I’ve attempted suicided many times and have suffered with depression most of my life. I’m miserable. I’ve tried to keep my sanity and make myself better- recently, I drove my new car out in front of a semi……I miraculously lived, tore my car to hell….I just wanted to die and didn’t care how selfish I was being involving a random person. It eats at me and I regret it, but I’m angry that I didn’t die. The bashing from […]
Im depressed. I told my mom that, and she made me start therapy. but i hate to say this, but its to late. She has no clue i cut, or have suicidal thoughts. I havent cut in about a month. And today is Christmas, so i should be happy right? Wrong. My new sister got more than i did, and im starting to just feel very down again. Everything would be so much easier for everyone if i was just dead. Im always in the way, and i can never be happy. I have no friends. All of them turned on me and i cant […]
I’m going to die tonight. If I don’t, then I will die tomorrow. If I don’t succeed tomorrow, I’m going to keep trying until I succeed.
…a new avatar. I don’t like mine. I don’t like the colors.
Life sucks. lol!
Christmas without you is hell…..we never had family to have over, or the money to have the “average” Christmas……but I miss going out of my way to get you a lot of nice gifts, because I enjoyed seeing you smile. And it always made your worthless scumbag of a husband angry bc the only reason why he even got that $10 gift card is bc you made me get him something…..a pile of shit in a box crossed my mind a few times……as crappy of a mother as you were, I always loved you with all my heart. You were my bestfriend. I knew you […]
thank you my friends at sp, for a most wonderful day. this is the best i have felt in a month, and i attribute it to you. you give me hope (damnit, whispers, lol). all of you have shown me many things, but most importantley, you have shown me i can love. again. for those of you who dont know my story, thats a big thing. it finalley started snowing here (lol, i know tm) i walked to the store for a coke and smokes,giggling and laughing. why? all i could think about was three moons. come my friend lets dance in the snow,make a […]
Why are we always remembered for our mistakes? It’s like you do one bad thing and it sticks with you forever. I made a huge mistake and I regret it. I’m so scared that everyone is going to find out what it is. It’s bad enough that it made the papers. I don’t want to go to school because I feel like everyone already knows and they are talking about it. Like why can’t they just ignore my stupid mistake and think of the good things I’ve attempted. But wait society doesn’t work that way.