So hey I’m new here so please don’t judge me with what I post.

I’ve had suicidal thoughts since sixth grade. I’m now in tenth. I’ve kept telling myself  to not worry that it will get better. That’s only a lie though. It’s gotten way worse. Especially high school. This past year I’ve made mistakes and I’ve trusted the wrong people. I was bullied on Ask.fm because of it. It got so bad that I wouldn’t get out of bed. I just cried all day. Every time I get a notification from it I jump. I’m scared to death that it’s going to be hate or […]

Hi

I have been contemplating suicide a lot lately. I have so many things to be grateful for and yet I still find myself to be a slave to my emotions. I used to be able to shrug things off but I have developed a really bad temper and my anger is causing me to lose those who are important to me. I have always toyed with the idea but I never had to courage to do it. Last night I put a knife beside me and couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I just started texting all of my friends for help. I woke up […]

I have tried hard this year, please please, oh please, will you grant me my Christmas wish?

I want to be re-born into a world where I’m not valued as trash. Can I maybe be so bold as to ask for just one friend? No? It was worth the try…

I hope Santa grants your wish. I didn’t even get coal :'(

A few other posts got me thinking, what if we tried a thread where we all have to say something (a) nice about ourself. As in, what’s a good quality I possess, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, whatever.

And (b) say something nice about someone else.  On SP if you are familiar with folks, but it doesn’t have to be someone on SP.  Anyone in your life that you can think of something nice about.

If you don’t want to play, that’s fine, but please don’t post negative crap on this thread. This is a POSITIVE thread. Hopefully those too angry or sad or depressed to comment, will […]

dear sp, MERRY WHATEVERYOUCELEBRATE to you. may this day provide the magic and peace that we deserve. how grateful i am to all of you for the help you provided. even the angry, in-your-face ones. sorry for laughing but that was ME not too long ago. i plan to stay with sp, however things turn out for me. you have become a really close friend, and i look forward to the time i spend here. truly an interesting cast of characters from around the world. i, too am alone on this day of celebration. and perfectly content with that. pull up an extra chair. i […]

This is just a quick note to wish everyone on SP well during the holidays.  I realize this is one of the most difficult periods for many people here and it can be Hell having everyone else’s happiness and enjoyment thrown in your face for the better part of two weeks.  Personally, I’m not too crazy about this time of year myself (even though things in my life are a little better than in previous years), but I suppose it is what it is.

Anyway, I hope everyone is able to make the best that they can out of the holidays.

L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)

There’s nothing like Christmas to remind me of how little people care anymore. I got no cards or gifts from anyone other than my aunt, whilst everyone else had friends who bought them presents and visited them over the holiday. The friends of my family don’t mention and ignore me completely. For years I’ve suffered with mental illness and the only thing that was keeping me here was my family because I felt they cared and I didn’t want to hurt them with my suicide. Well I don’t have to worry about that anymore, so within the next few days I will make my suicide […]

ASL: 17, Male, German

I always used to be the person that had a hand in “saving” all my suicidal friends. Not to try and boast about it, in fact, I have no idea how I did it, but according to those friends, they wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t listened to them and helped them back then. I used to be strong and have a lot of friends that appreciated me a lot for what I did for them.

Skip forward a year or two and here I am, today, wondering how I’m going to get over my fear of death so I can finally […]

I am only living because I have kids and I don’t want to hurt them. Everyone I have ever trusted has lied to me, abused me or left me. I used to be niave and full of hopes, forgiveness and stamina. The older my kids get, the closer I get to suicide. When they are on their own and they leave me, I will definitely choose an exit plan. Lately, I think I may not be able to wait. I am not talented or skilled in any area  even though I have tried many things. I’m best at loving others but no one values me […]

My father told me that he thinks our cat is “on the way out”. On Christmas Eve. All I could say is “Why would you say that to me?” and go to the bathroom, my safe place. I turned on the water and cried for half an hour, my mind going to different places where I would be in less emotional turmoil. I wish I could experience everything I imagine for real, but I am not meant for any of that. I thought maybe I made it up in my head, and my father didn’t say any of that to me. He didn’t even apologize […]

…so as thinking beasts it is our duty to rationalize the shit out of such thoughts and conclude that suicide is nothing more than a choice; no more significant than choosing which shoes to wear on a bright summers day.
Our lives are not that significant in the universal pattern, they are infintely short and rather grotesque affairs. My life is no more important or grandiose than your life, or the life of a perceived saint, we are all part of the same sea, or shit ball, depending on your outlook. Don’t get me wrong, there are good people, and there are definitely bad people, […]

I don’t come to this site often but I’m really down right now and contemplating ending it.

I’m tired of feeling and thinking of death so much. I can’t do this another year. I can’t change no matter what because 1.) I don’t want to because nothing outside will change and 2.) I’m just in too deep.

I didn’t even buy anyone christmas gifts because I’m a terrible person – I just want to spend my money on what I’ll kill myself with.

sorry if this brought someone down. I just feel lonely.

I am here for you. Always. You are my family, my closest friends. I believe in you and in Suicide Project. Merry Christmas to everyone. Share love and affection with your loved ones. Don’t let depression, disorders or crisis ruin these days of happiness. I wish the best!

i’ve been thru so much shit in my life i wouldn’t even know where to begin

then what happens? life throws chronic pain at me…yay! now i’m sitting here wanting to die and in agonizing pain

i’ve had this pain for 2 years now and it’s getting worse every day

the funny thing is that i was suicidal way before i got this pain…now i’m even more suicidal than i was before, which i didn’t think was possible

ughhhhhhh please just KILL ME NOW!!! i fucking HATE my life…

Three months ago I lost my partner of 6 years (he dumped me because he “didn’t know what he wanted”), job & home all in the one day. I was broke, homeless & in a state of severe shock that caused me to lose 10kg in a week. I’ve only just gotten over the panic attacks, heart-attack-like chest pain & anxiety induced shaking.

What I want to know is this: does life actually get any better, or are we just fooling ourselves?

I’ve been working on myself, getting a new job & trying to lose more weight but I’m still miserable & my chest physically hurts, like […]

Sometimes you think you have everything under control, that your pretty smile and laugh is hiding everything. But sometimes you don’t see the cracks on the surface till others do.

In the past 20 years of my life, I’ve had one special friend they I could by my whole self too, she knew what I did and how I felt most days because she had the same feelings about life. She’s been my best friend since I was 3. We never got the chance to go to school together but she was always a short car ride or a phone call away. Everyday throughout high school […]

I don’t see the point of staying alive anymore.

This is the conclusion I’ve come up with after the past 7 years. I just don’t see why I should keep going.

I’ve been faking my way through life for years now. My parents doesn’t know about it and if they did they’d make it worse.

I’d like to talk to a friend but i don’t have a lot and none of my current friends would understand how i feel.

Over the past year I’ve started to feel less and less joy from doing the things i liked once. I tear through book and don’t think any thing about them. […]

I have health issues starting, now that I’m 52, which as far as I’m concerned, mean I will be alone the rest of my life.  What’s sad is that I’m still somewhat attractive and in pretty good shape but I will not be w/ someone if I’m falling apart physically, I won’t do it.  I just lost my Big Love 7 months ago and don’t expect to find anyone else I want anyway but in the last few weeks have noticed health things going on that as far as I’m concerned, seal the deal — alone forever now.

And I am not happy about it.  As […]