Just a description of my collection…I’m not set on using it but it’s nice to know I have it just in case. I’ve heard so many stories of failed attempts leading to permanent damage and huge medical bills so I’ve never attempted suicide this method. Based on what I have, what are your thoughts?

Don’t have the bottles with me now, so I don’t know the dosages for most of them

Restoril: 20 pills- 15mg each
Effexor: 180 pills, 75mg each
Wellbutrin: 60 pills
Remeron: 60 pills
Hydrocodone: 30 pills
Adderrall: 30 pills
Adderral XR: 30 pills

Would anyone like to?

When you die, people honor you, people miss you, some people are glad you died, even. But give it a few years and you just sort of…  disappear. You become that one person who died from ________ (fill in the blank) and it all ends there. People may or may not have some memorial to honor you, but only if they’re those kinds of people. You’re sort of forgotten as everyone goes on about their lives, I imagine.

I guess that’s what I find so enticing about suicide. I’ll just die and everyone will forget about me after a few years. There will be no excuses or any […]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=E1mV9PF7yS4

I hate the feelings I have. Its the worst. Everyday is the same lonely day. I don’t trust people their all the same.  Everyone is ether boring or uninterested and no one is the same anymore. I feel so different from everyone else. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who’s alive and everyone else is dead, and sometimes it feels like I’m dead and everyone else is living. Should I exist at all? I feel like I really shouldn’t at times. I don’t feel like I should even be here anymore I’m so sick of the same people and the same conversation, I just […]

Truth is…

I was never good enough. I could never grasp that as a kid, so I kept searching. I kept trying to find somewhere I could be useful, somewhere safe… but the truth is that when you’re a woman, you’re nothing, if not a whore. When you’re black, you’re nothing, if not an animal. If you’re gay, you’re nothing, if not an abomination.

Abused, kidnapped, raped, molested, cast aside. Made to endure hard labor for less than minimum wage. Get hurt, get fired. The world doesn’t honor or respect someone like me. my people being killed and then blamed for […]

I was thinking of the past today. I was trying to make sense of why things are happening the way they are now. Like, maybe it’s karma. I always think of myself as someone who makes good choices and is a good person. I like to think of myself as someone that treats people well and is a good friend. But looking back today, i remember a time that I was a horrible friend. And, so, now i think maybe this is my punishment. Maybe why I am so alone and i have no support is because of that. I’ve had trouble making friends and […]

You know how this site was created so suicidal people can come together and help each other? Yeah, it’s not having that effect on me. It’s actually kinda making it worse. Maybe it’s just me. I don’t know. On a side note, how the hell do you delete your account??

-she never responded to my texts, but she always called me when she was desperate for attention
-i talked to him one night and i got excited, but he was gone before the sun rose
-we hugged, but it never felt like it was right, it was always jagged and rough around the edges and i knew he wasn’t hugging me because he liked me, he was just doing it so a girl he liked would be jealous. it didn’t work
-we spun around the room laughing, but i knew that under those sparkling eyes she was trying to rip me apart and discover […]

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. It’s my mind loop. These thoughts just run over and over again every day. I’m alone. I’m so alone. I have no one I can really talk to, and the people I do talk to I do because I don’t want anyone to suspect anything’s wrong. I stopped contact with all of my friends in September, so they didn’t have to deal with me anymore. Every day, I see all of them having the perfect life, and I want to go talk to them SO BADLY, but then I remember, they’re only having that perfect life because […]

I don’t even know anymore.I got completely hammered in hopes of…i don’t know,maybe getting my mind off of things.Not surprisingly,it feels even worse than when i’m sober.All the time it’s the same,just with varying degrees of shittiness. When you’re drunk,suffering and depression feels even more tangible than it’s usual abstract,existential nature.It’s inescapable.Thank you for existing SP.

For the past 10 years I’ve have picked the same day to kill myself and I don’t know if I can make  to that day this year. I dropped out of school when I was 16 and never been able to get a job. I can’t ask for help no matter how much I want to. Last year I showed my older brother the notes of suicidal thoughts and posted on Facebook I was having thoughts of suicide hoping someone would help me but no one did and everyonwe just forgot , know I’m at a the point were I don’t want any. I can’t […]

Its just my opinion,  but I think that post people make > of taking pitures of the harm they have done to themselves

and cutting themselves and then posting the pictures should be baned from SP>

It does nothing good for the forum.   I know people have  problem with that and come seeking help

but they should talk about it. Not post pictures that could be offensive to others or encourage others to go out

and try do the same.

that is my opinion.   Hearing about it is OK > so people can try to help.  Seeing bloodly pics is another thing

all together

thats my opinion

anybody with me on this?

Also is […]

When my parents, friends or random people ask me about my day, all I’ll do is say “It was fine.”

It wasn’t.

Not a day passes that I don’t feel useless, hateful and sad. Not a single day.

My days are never ‘fine’. They’re far from it.

I spend every single day of mine, hurting myself and wishing it would end. It doesn’t, but wanting it is the only thing I still have strength for.

Every single day I would come home from school, throw up that little piece of beagle I ate instead of my breakfast, go to my room and lock the doors.

Every day I would take my […]

I’m done.  I’m not going to kill myself tonight, maybe not even tomorrow.  After Friday at the earliest when I get paid.  So I can at least have a last meal.  Even depraved psychos get a last meal right?  So I don’t know when I’m going to do it.  But as it seems I might not have a place to live after December or January.

I always wanted to write a novel, or some short stories at the very least.  I never had any sort of delusion that they would get published or anything.  But posting it online, maybe even have a half dozen of people […]

As a child my father abused me terribly and I never felt warm caring love from my parents. Deep in my heart I know they did in their own ways, they just didn’t know how to show it. My father told me I was ugly and would never make anything of myself. Well I did, I became an alcoholic just like him. I have been married 3 times with 2 kids and now I have 3 grandchildren. I am a generous giver, always doing for others but sometimes I need just a crumb from someone to show me they care. Maybe they don’t. It could […]

How do I smooze the pysch into ‘believing’ that my S/A was nothing more than me being impulsive as usual so he don’t recommend inpatient !?!

have you ever watched so much porn that it had the exact opposite effect to the one intended?

So upon reflection, I realized everyone is right. Asking for help is bullshit. No one will help. It’s all lies. So thank you for letting me know that. Yet another disappointment and failure to add to the list. So the plan’s back on. Merry christmas, mother fuckers.

P.S.

Don’t try to tell me otherwise or what I should do. You can shove it. Better yet, don’t comment. I’m angry and I want to rant, doesn’t mean I want people to tell me what I’m doing wrong or what I should try.

Thanks.