I am 24 and I have struggled with these thoughts since I have been 16 or so there are voices in my head that constantly tell me I will never be good enough I will never be happy I have tried to kill my self so many times the only thing in my life that has stopped me is moving on without me I held a loaded 45 to my head last night and I have never come that close to ending myselfy my parents have said that everything that’s wrong with there life is my fault and they have no son my girlfriend is […]
I’m at breaking point again. I fell off the rails big time 2 years ago after I was sexually assaulted twice by two different people in 3 months. It took me a while to get back on my feet. I have been to see psychologists and councillors all of which who have different diagnosis and long waiting lists. I thought I could do this by myself but I can’t, whenever I am reminded of either assault in any way I freak out. I’m scared all the time, I’m scared of boys, I shake all the time, I can’t do public transport, I’m just lost.
I’m 23 […]
This is my first post on here I am a 24 year old man that has been struggling with depression since 16 the women that I love moved in with me a few days ago because her dad hit her and threttened to hit her kid we where getting pretty close and I was excited to have the possibility to help raise the kid I had come to thinking of as my own all I have ever wanted was a house a good job and someone to share my life with I was so close I hadn’t even thought about suiside in weeks all of […]
Five days I’ve lived since commiting to die, since calling a national hotline, my first time ever. Stuck in the rural South, My dogs and the North wind keep watch with me, watchers for the morning. I wrapmy knee in ice. It’s disintigrating from a 980’s Surgery…the sutures, tiny lengths o fibrous black, rose through my skin to the surface. And now the ligaments are tearing away. My surgeon died decades ago. My SI Joints’ ligaments stretched in an industrial accident, permit the whole set of bones to wrench away from each other. Favoring the right knee makes it worse. I think I may have […]
it is quiet. it is still.a moment of peace. i relish these moments as i wait for the world to awaken.alone, with my thoughts, and the treasures of yesterdays broken dreams. the fear has not overwhelmed me yet, and the pressures and demands of dailey existance have not started.how i wish the sun would stop its dayley climb ans allow me to enjoy this for more than a fleeting moment. oh well. a moment of beauty and peace in this dark place is better than none at all. ill take what i can get
100 phenobarbitals (100 mg) + 30 oxazepams ; that ought to do the job right?!
When I was 13 I was diagnosed with Epilepsy.
It’s not the worst thing in the world but going through 13 years of your life thinking you have it all planned out and knowing you’re going to be successful and then having it all pulled out from under you can fuck with you a little bit. Me and my dad we the closest a father and daughter could be up until this point. It’s like after I got diagnosed he stopped loving me. I suddenly became the “problem child” and he didn’t want to even be around me anymore, like he couldn’t even bear […]
When I was younger all I wanted to do was be an amazing person…
I wanted to be in the military, or become a lawyer,or an Olympic swimmer. As I got older something inside of me changed, I started losing myself. I lost people I loved and cared about. I was hurt by the mean kids in school. I was hurt by the people I wanted to love me that I loved so much, by the people that I wanted to make proud but no matter what I did I was just never good enough for. I realized that even if I […]
This is long, if you don’t mind, but I’m sad and I tend to get all blabbery when that happens.
Lately it’s been very apparent that people don’t cut me the same slack that they would virtually anyone else (literally, from douche bags to decent people and everywhere in between–this has been tested). And because this seems to be a repeating phenomenon; where I’m given not even a second chance, I can’t help but wonder: am I really so unsavory of both character and appearance that I warrant indecency? But even that doesn’t make sense to me. People have told me I’m “hot.” People have told me that I’m “really sweet.” People […]
After a very long, rough, antagonizing night of my indecision to commit suicide to be with my lost fiance’ I’ve decided to stay. It was the first time since the night I found out he died the I had truly sat down and wrote letters to my family, to my best and only friend, and to the man who has been trying to pick me back up since I have fallen saying goodbye and how much I really loved them and didn’t want them to hurt. So to say it was for attention would be a lie. I don’t much like attention although […]
So angry I woke up today. Made the mistake of not hiding the empty metoprolol bottle. Husband found it and of course called 911 after he promised me not too. Current bp is 74/50 – should be 0/0. My thoughts haven’t changed – he says he’s done. I was done yesterday but you decided for me I wasn’t – then proceed to tell me as they’re saving my life you’re moving out. Thanks for nothing. Next time I know better.
Failure at life…
Why cant i go a day without thinking of killing myself? Its like a constant struggle to continue to live in this world. Everything is just so meaningless to me now. Is there even a real point to continue living and moving forward or are we just fooling oursleves when we say “it will get better”.
When i use to try and ask for help to stop these thoughts people only made it worse by telling me there is something wrong with me and i should go to a therapist but all they would do is put me on pills. I dont wanna go on […]
God, if you are merciful, then Let me Die! How long can I bleed? My skin effuses rage, hate, anguish. I am a curse to my family. Pain sears my body. Rather than making a lasting contribution to humanity, I pray, Primum Non Nocere! Remove me so that Primum Non Nocere! She elicited a hairline fracture. A Trigger shattered the side. The vessel stands gaping, bleeding. Dying. Beyond coping resources. So tired. Is one more day of torture really success. “You’re doing so well, one more day.” Then I am loathe to succeed.
I suck. Everybody hates me. I hate myself. I have no family, no friends, my coworkers hate me. I don’t even know why. I seem to bring out a visceral hate in everybody I encounter. If not for my dog, I’d be dead already. Ironically, I have a big heart and am usually attempting to be nice and helpful. But, it inevitably backfires. Cheers.
It’ll take 10g of tylenol and 96hrs…
I went to a grief support group last night. It took me two weeks to find one that would take me. I live in a fairly large city (roughly 2 million), but yet every single place I called told me I didn’t belong there (except one.) I called hospitals, grief support groups, community mental health organizations, counselors (in fairness, they’d take me, at the tune of $90 and up and hour), and every referral service I could find on the internet. I even called suicide prevention, but they did not have any new names of organizations that I had not tried.
I explained the same thing […]
I don’t wanna lose it again. The last weeks and months were better, but now I know I’m heading right towards the abyss and can’t seem to change the direction, no matter how much I would like to. I do stuff even though I know it’s detrimental. Like even at this moment I’m listening to music of which I know it triggers my depression. Maybe it has to do with the days getting shorter and the weather getting colder. Or maybe it’s the stress, but that’s usually worse when I have to write exams. Best I can do now is survive another 1 1/2 weeks […]
The worl has become a dark place, the one I don’t want to live in. Everyone is being pushed into their corners. We are all left alone by the people who used to say the loved us.
I’m really young, but I am not blind. I see every little bad thing in this world. I see the kids getting bullied, I see the miserable people; I see thoughts about death crissing all of our minds.
I’m 14, my name is Aurora and this is what I’ve been through.
Two years ago i noticed my weird behavior. I was always down, never happy. I started sleeping a lot longer […]
So, it seems like if one wants to lay it all out there this is the place.
Ok, I hate life. I don’t enjoy things like most people seem to. I am a SWM, 42, and I can’t dance because I feel like a fool, and really feeling like a fool is essentially my basic state of mind most of the time. I also have trouble eating, which has a very long childhood story to it. I have a very hard time trying new foods, cant just eat it anyway to be polite, and often cant even eat foods I normally like if they are prepared […]
Why don’t we pull the trigger? Why don’t we tighten the noose? Why don’t we swallow the pills? Why don’t we jump from the roof? What stops us? I mean, let’s all be real with ourselves. Everyone is here on this site because they are or at least have been suicidal. Everyone here contemplates pulling that trigger, tightening that noose, swallowing those pills, or jumping off that roof. So, really, what stops us? I think it’s a fear that we will be making the wrong decision. It’s like there’s a chance of it getting better. We hear that cliché line so much that it’s stored […]