I was raped when I was 12, but nobody knows about it I tried telling my parents but I ended up telling them I had lied because I blammed someone for it, who wasn’t who did it, it was my grandpa who raped me and I can’t seem to bring myself into telling my parents because I know they won’t believe me and I would be judge but every day I wake up wishing I was dead praying for cancer or a brain tumor, I’ve tried suicide before but all it did was make people judge me and make me feel worst, I play happy […]
Uh so I’m John, 12 turning 13 on November 19. A little more than a year ago I started getting loads and loads of messages on instagram on my face, my body, and everything about me. I’m 92 pounds and not proud of it, pansexual, and gender queer. My family is Catholic and they don’t approve of me. Everyone keeps saying “Oh your siblings will never approve of you they’re your siblings!” But it’s not the same. They call me freak, emo dumbass, little Shit. Just because I love who I love, just because I don’t have call myself male or female. I’m atheist and […]
i cant hold on anither day. the torment i face daily is unbearable and i cant afford to get the healing i need. constant ringing in my ear, constant horrific sore throat, racing thoughts, severe insimnia, severe adrenelone rushes, hot then cold, all alone with this bs for years, i just cant do it. im worn out. beat down. the old system of praticitioners has used me as their medical guinea pig for 26+, all my youth stolen from me, not allowing me to live but instead caging me like animal, taking from me, kicking me. they dont want me to die cause thats no […]
Can’t do this anymore
What do I say to my wife
I don’t know what to say I’m lost and losing everything I just want to sleep.. I’m just trying to talk to someone . It’s to much to right.. I’m sitting here looking at what’s going to diside my faith.. I’m not looking for attention for sympathy
I love my house.
I love my husband, and he loves me.
I love my two dogs, the one that cuddles and the one that listens.
I love my job. As a teacher there are so many rewards. The people I work with are amazing and skilled individuals.
I love my family. Supportive and there when you really need it, but they don’t holdit against you if you’re under a rock for a long time.
I love my roommate (in a platonic fashion) because he is a really great guy and a great helper around the house.
I love my friends, especially the “rediscovered” ones.
Sounds […]
I don’t feel sad when I think about suicide lately. It just seems ok, good even. I am not upset anymore… Is that bad?
Sometimes, I think we just need a moment to vent our head caves to an audience that doesn’t know us. I really do not feel like dumping my problems on anyone I know, and thanks to the nifty confines of this site, you can choose to ignore it.
My story begins when college ended. The woman I had been with for almost two years decided to leave me, subsequently getting involved with a friend of mine. She has found happiness and success in her new life, so I hold little ill will toward her. In fact, I knew that the relationship was not healthy with my […]
So ok, something happened tonight.. you might think it’s funny, you may not. I’m unbiased about it for the time being. But i guess..put yourself in this position.
Was just chatting with Internet companions for a few hours and one of them started flirting with me. This all happened with in the course of like 30 minutes…anyways. i chat with these people all the time.. I thought this was a girl, I myself being a guy. I guess I just didn’t notice before but I thought for sure I remember this friend being a girl. I post pictures of myself that people like to see, […]
The more I tried to get help and was honest, it would seem that I hit some sort of systemic punishment. Over the years my diagnosis are getting longer, treating physicians are saying I’m too sick to be accepted, and I seem to get punished by care providers when I’m trying my best. I even went to the best facility in the US for an extraordinarily extended period of time. In the end, I learned that I could not speak my truth and was often demoralized at my attempts to combat my suicidality. Why am I the one to blame when the treatments are not […]
It never fails to get me. The feeling of guilt. I run, leaving those lonely ones behind. I just don’t wanna be a witness to seeing them so miserable. I know they need me, but I don’t know what I can do. So I run, hoping for a temporary cure to these feelings. But then guilt comes up, and stabs you through your heart, “Why did you run? Why did you leave them alone? How could you!? You’re so selfish.”
So haven’t posted in a while and I guess it’s because things were okay. But since I can’t access my doctor right now, I ran out of my anti depressants and after two or three weeks of not taking my daily “happy” pill, I’ve sunk right back to where I was before. Have you ever felt like you’re body us literally screaming that it’s your time to die? That’s what it feels like now, but of course, a part if me flashes images of my brothers, my Lil sister, the friends I still do care about, and it says that if I die, I may […]
Hello everyone, I guess I will start this off by introducing myself. My name is Adam. I guess I should start at the beginning. Growing up, I was a pretty lonely kid. I was the typical black sheep and outcast. I remember one time when I first started school. Every kid in the class had to choose a partner to play with, and of course I was the only one left without one. Anyway, it didn’t really bother me then. When I turned 8, my mother and father split up. My mother had custody. She was more interested in girlfriends than men. Long story short, […]
I’m on this site just to put down what’s in my head, because I can never say it out loud. So, I’m probably going to sound really stupid, but whatever. My mom’s really been getting on me about grades lately. I’m an A student, but currently have a B in chemistry and a C in trig, which is a level above my grade. I know she’s just trying to be a good parent, but I just don’t get why it matters. Why does it matter if I have a B and a C? Why would it matter if that prevents me from getting into some […]
I’ve only been to one therapy session before. It was rather recent–maybe two or so weeks ago. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I made the appointment in a moment of desperation (I tried to interact with a person and it didn’t exactly work out). I though that instead of crying and cutting over it, I would be appropriate and handle my porcelain emotions carefully and not break myself. As soon as I called to make the appointment, I found out that I had to wait like 3 weeks. I lost it after I hung up and ended up cutting myself, […]
If you sit in a room … a dark room . No technology … nothing but black painted walls and you by yourself . You have time to think , to reflect on every little thing . As you listen to music ( for those music lovers ) it takes you to a totally different world . As if all that matters is you and what you are thinking about . It lets you escape into your own world . Everyone says you should try to nove forward … to move forward from those who hurt you , from the things that has happened in […]
Hi…
this is probably gonna be stupid. I doubt anyone wants to hear my problems, but I guess I’ll tell you anyways..
Well. I’m 12, and I have a pretty good life. I have a loving mom , a nice sister , I see my dad regularly , my mom and him never got married . They still keep in touch tho. My life’s just average. We don’t have a lot of money tho. but we’re doing fine. , I also have a very amazing caring bestfriend.<3 , but I don't tell her entirely everything.. I told her that I've cut […]
My mentor told me something a few days ago, that stuck with me. She said: “You really want to leave your family with that kind of pain?” Hmm, no. But I’m tired of ME being in pain. I’m tired of waking up everyday, and hating that I have woken up. Im tired of faking a smile and making people think I’m ok. I’m tired of never being good enough for anyone. I’m tired of hurting people. Yes I know that if I kill myself that people will be sad and hurt. But they will get over it. Its not like Im something valuable to this […]
The only thing that is keeping me from leaving this world is my children. Even then, I can’t handle being a mom. I am so selfish for thinking such things. I see how people move on with their lives. They would be alright. They have more of a chance of making a better life for themselves than I do. And I can’t be a mother to them. It’s impossible for me to handle any kind of responsibility. My son is more responsible than I am. Get your shit together, your life will work out my friend says. I lack guidance and I’m constantly having to […]
I’m sitting on the floor
I’m crying so much more
trying to erase this pain
trying to forget your face
sitting here with the blade in my hand
running so slow blood dripping down
in a deep red color
flowing freely the way i want to feel
I’m sitting on the floor
holding my hand out
I’m holding a bottle
a bottle filled with pills
I’m crying so hard
the pain is unbearable
I’m feeling so weak
I’m sitting here on the floor
holding a blade
crying like crazy
trying to take this pain away
I’m trying my best trying to fight
my eyelids feel heavy
my door is so far
the whispered yells to far
falling deep in to sleep
deep..deep..deep..deep
I’m laying on a bed
I’m […]