It’s human arrogance driven by ego to believe “human existence” is anything other than just another occurrence in a much larger spectrum. Consciousness is a slow burning curse. We claim to be a higher form of life because we possess cognitive thought, yet we have absolutely no idea why we are actually here. So we create countless forms of abstraction to both give ourselves a false sense of purpose and to serve as a distraction from the fact “we have NO idea why we are here” Personally I would much rather be driven solely by instinct than by this fractured reason.

I’ve explained it over and over and over again, but I guess I’ll do it again.
I messaged my best friends ex last night, just to talk, and we were all close, and have been through shit. and every time i would say something he’d just say “bye” but after she messaged him, he started being nice to me and talking to me. For some reason it made me feel like complete shit. Like i didn’t matter, until she mattered. I felt worthless. I started crying, and ended up having an anxiety attack.
I was holding that blade so close to my skin, telling myself […]

I dont want sex, I dont want children, nor father or mother, brother or sister. No matter how hard I try to distance myself from others my body craves warmth. I just want warmth, to hold someone regardless of gender, to feel safe even as the world crumbles to dust. No words, no thoughts, just the sound of leaves rustling in heavenly wind, the smell of fragrant flowers eternally blooming in my dream, and the feeling of another close to me as I sleep eternal. Would any of you be so kind as to look pass the base desire for procreation […]

Found in the sea,

Your gift to me.

You saved me that night.

Almost losing the fight.

You left it there,

So I’d know you care.

Found so I’d know,

Wherever I go.

Your soul is with me,

So says the “tree”

But the real treasure is you.

I love you true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndPEQqqURXU

Don’t wanna wake up again.

I do not have a death wish, but I often dream of dying.

When I talk about “Disease, I don’t mean mental. I just turned 32 years old. Back in May I was diagnosed with stage 3b cervical cancer which has a very poor prognosis. I get my PET scan results this month. If the cancer has spread or comes back, I’ll be terminal, so I either have a choice to prolong my life with drugs until I ultimately pass, or take my own life. My family and friends support my decision to take my life if things do not look good.

I do not want to die. I want to live. My life has been very hard and […]

It started in first grade. Girls would laugh and snicker behind my back. Third grade was the first time i had ever been called ugly. I believed it because nobody had ever told me anything different. From ugly, to stupid, from stupid, to fat, from fat, to worthless, from worthless, to useless, from useless, to “why don’t you just kill yourself already?” I’ve been called it all. Even though i’ve never weighed over a hundred pounds i believed it. I started starving myself and was soon diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. The bullies? they started saying i look “gross” or “disgustingly bony”. I was labeled the […]

I really need someone to listen to my story and my feelings. I am in a position where I can really get the help I need and don’t really have anyone to talk to. Even if I did, there are some things I can’t really tell them.

This is really long, but it would really save me if someone can read it and respond…and maybe talk to me.

So, I am just going to pour out my feelings here. A lot of what I write will be vague, because I can’t divulge my identity (I’ll explain why later.)

Recently I’ve felt very suicidal for a lot of reasons. […]

After seven months- I relapsed on alcohol. My professors have told me that I’m not committed and won’t get a job despite my A’s and being on the Dean’s list. I cried all day yesterday, I can’t take it. So much pressure, I had stopped thinking of suicide when I entered a university because I felt like finally I found something that makes me happy. Finally I’m doing something to take away the thoughts. And now I’ve been fucking terrible at every little thing and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore and I […]

I’m typing this here because I have no one to talk to. I happened to read a post with a situation similar to mine. I’m not alone. I don’t live alone. But I am alone. I cry a lot because I don’t feel good about myself. I’m tired. Nothing traumatic happened in my life. I was raised by strict God-fearing parents and I have two sisters. I don’t want to blame the way I feel on the way i was raised. I was homeschooled., but unlike most kids and teenagers, I didn’t really have any friends. I’m an adult now. I don’t even have a […]

I’m failing school.

The past few days have been really, really bad. Whenever I study I feel this sense of hopelessness and I am unable to bring myself to believe that I CAN, that if I work hard enough, I CAN get an A…

I tried to stop binging and purging. Well I stopped purging but I couldn’t stop binging. That sucked because I got fatter. I guess you have to get worse before you get better? Maybe I don’t have enough patience in myself. But it really got me down. Because I feel like there’s nothing I’m good at anymore. Not music, I don’t believe I […]

Why am I always asked this? It always ends with trouble.

What they always mean to ask is, When are you moving out? or, When are you going to get a job? or, When are you going to stop being a moocher?

WTF am I supposed to say??? I don’t have any plans for my life, only for my death next year…

I fear he plans to give me an ultimatum. Get a job or move out. Start going to bed at 830pm & rise at 5am like the rest of the house, or get out, or pay more money.

He doesnt believe in depression,  only that a woman’s […]

KK so im a shit person because i find it so stressful to make friends and when im in the process of becoming friendly with someone all i want to do is cut cut cut cut CUT so they can see and then they can’t reject me lol.

how fucked is that.

i fucking hate myself for even thinking like that

I’m still alive. For now, anyway.

My wonderful adventures with DCFS are over-not only did we get the kids home, we blew the lid off some serious corruption in the courts, too. And my asshole in-laws will never, ever be allowed to foster another child. They’ll never see my kids again-we ended up going no contact with my husband’s entire family a little over a year ago, and our lives have gotten progressively better ever since. Amazing how things improve when you stop surrounding yourself with assholes.

I also cut off my relatives. All of them. I finally realized that they’ll never change, and I don’t have […]

Well tomorrow is Tuesday and i have class for 13 hours. I have a quiz that I can’t study for but with the right thing i know I can ace it . Tomorrow, I will try to become independent but well see how that goes. I am trying to accept that my grades don’t really matter unless its general ed. I can’t wait to leave this school and go someplace I belong.

“In the end it’s not about what you have.
In the end it’s all about where you want to go
And the roads you take to help you get there.
Cause you’ve only got one life to lead.
So don’t take for granted those little things.
Those little things are all that we have.”

i know we’re all going thru our own shit, and if you’re like me these thoughts could pop up and disappear on your mind constantly. just an hour ago i was ready to go, but my friend asked me to eat out, and we talked, and it did feel good. sometimes i […]

Where is he. This omnipotent, omnipresent so called benevelent being that people fall to their knees and give all the glory. He seems completely indifferent to our suffering as we are indifferent to suffering of ants (such simple delicate little creatures) as they are crushed under our feet and we don’t even give it a second thought? If we are truly his children then ask yourself this; If you had a child would test his virtue with tribulations like disease, famine, pestilence, war and natural disasters? If so then what kind of parent are you? Think of the acursed realms of the world; sudan, palestine, […]

http://www.gq.com/news-politics/newsmakers/201409/the-last-true-hermit

At least, someone I admire in a weird sense… that’s like, a qualification for a hero, right? This story’s kinda old so I dunno how many people haven’t read about this guy yet, but basically this dude just decided that he wanted to live a life completely devoid of human interaction, and indeed he did for almost 28 years. I think he was around 20 when he just walked into an isolated park in Vermont and lived off petty burglaries around the nearby cabins, stealing only things that he needed to survive on, and apparently a lot of books too, he seems pretty well-reas. […]

So I posted before on another account that I would attempt the dehydration suicide method. I said I would check in a hotel on my forth day of drinking and eating nothing. I did but it was on the 6th day. I took some things with me in a backpack like clothes my toothbrush mouthwash moisturizer  and my note in a sealed envelope. I was feeling very weak already I had to raise my voice a little because I couldn’t hear myself and no one could, I was just confused the whole time. The people who saw me I guess they thought I’ve always been […]