I didn’t knew my grandpa much. He died when I was 10 in his sleep. He was also depressed. Sometimes I blame him for my sufferings. It could be genetic. Then, he didn’t choose to fall into this pit, so I can’t be mad at him. I think he was a good person. My mother say so.

I’ve been told he was the manager of a sock factory. I’ve been told he survived the holocaust. I’ve been told he has been through a lot. It must have been nice when death greet him that night. Like a big relief. I wonder how’s that. Salvation. I wish […]

This website isn’t helping. I’m at my lowest, I need help, yet no one helps. Thanks.

I’ve been strangling myself with a belt, all day and night. I try so hard to keep it on, but things call me out of my room and I can’t walk out with it around my neck. I don’t want to live but I want to go out this way, as I just relax and watch something until I fade out. I know if I don’t go soon, I’ll lose everything again.

I tried to kill myself today the bottle pills I ended up picking them back up every time I try either back out or doesn’t so after all this I’m going to try again I learn things today no 1 no should no about so I’m going to try again

Last Friday I attempted suicide by overdosing. I had been feeling depressed on and off for about five years and constantly for five months. That day I was so fed up with my life and I didn’t want the one I got or to be who I was any more. When I got home I sat in my bed room alone and took 35 celexa, 30 iron pills and 5 trazodone pills. I tried to fall asleep, in the hopes that I’d never wake up. Three hours after,  I felt extremely internal coldness and I couldn’t warm myself no matter how hard I tried and […]

Dry eyes

fuck the lies

no surprise

somehow I’m still alive.

Why do you play with my emotions?

You actually asked me how I felt.

You already have someone so why do you want me?

I felt something new with you today that actually gave me hope.

You’re such an asshole.

Why do I miss you so much when we’re apart?

Do you miss me?

I already know where I wish to died and a few ways of how still not determined but all I can think of is how I don’t want my family to hate me. I know they will hurt because if I with drew from them if I let my plans be known in any way they will be pissed. They will give me that stupid speech of how I have so much to look forward to and its not like me and I just need to exercise and lose weight cause I’m so F**ing fat and that I need to take better care of my […]

If a bar tender is at fault for a intoxicated driver crashing into other cars

..

Then why aren’t bullies responsible for the death of another innocent child.

They get stuck in my teeth and the yummy goodness stays in my mouth for awhile after I’ve eaten one! I was going to make a poem about them, but I’m not very poem-savvy. Awwah! 🙁

no home, no friends, anymore. they think i dont care.  no love, no hope, no qualifications, no school (depression sorted that out). i need somewhere to go where i can be myself and not be reminded i have a disgusting family that want to ruin my reputation and shit all over my fathers memory. now i feel like i have to push mum away because shes not doing it right. every single aspect of my life seems messed up. ive had it all my life “your life is like a soap”. yeah, well im never gunna forget my friend telling me that, in second year. […]

i found this page not long ago and i want a place to share things that i am not able to tell even my family

i tried suicide for countless times before. i hate people. i always put on a mask to address everyone especially classmates or collegues that hated me. i often wondered why they hate me and i tried investigate once and found out they hated me for being cheerful to them eveb though they spit hurtful comments to every hardwork i poured to work or projects.

i also hated money. i hate how people use others for the sake of getting money. i am […]

I cant swim. Everything consumes me. I take every comment or action against me as a declaration of dislike. I dead end myself trying to get over anything.  The grief and helplessness is a salve to my conscious.  I see right through people. Their lives so empty.  Doing such superficial things. I dont know how to involve myself in anything superficial.  I cant be meaningless.  I therefore don’t do anything and hate myself for it. My family loves me. But where I want to go they will never support.  They are the only people in my life. The girl I love. I keep doubting myself […]

Wow my cousin is such a *****

i thought my family new that i was “gay”

well im actually bi but i’ll never tell them that

well my cousin looked at my history

and he thinks im gay why dose he care what i watched. And why dose he care what i do in my life hes my cousin for god sake he should worrie about his mum and himself

ohh godd i wish i could kill my self

but i cant

i even wished a car could kill me ahhh

-brian

I found the perfect bridge the george westinghouse memorial bridge and was thinking of just ending it tomorrow. Thanks to the hackers and their hacking tricks and my manic behavior I managed to get in a situation where I’m facing serious jail time maybe life, and I don’t think I have it in me to do it. Due to their P.R campaign everyone thinks I’m some psycho beyond redemption  and they intend to crucify me despite never having a prior record. I just can’t deal with this anymore. It’s the perfect height the success rate is very good. I can’t hang myself I’ve tried, but […]

Finally! I did it late last afternoon. I made everything ready, and then set me Down in my sofa/ couch and drank 4 beer. I found some good music on my stereo and did it! But… I woke up on the floor. The homemade fabric “Rope” i had made was broken. I remember when i was “Gone” hearing a lot of noise and wery fast loud breathing sounds. Really scary. I don’t know how long i was gone. When i woke up i did’nt knew WHO i was or WHERE i was for like 10 seconds. It was wery unrealistic. Now my throat Hurts when i swallow, […]

lol i just realized how bad i’ve fucked shit up. And how much of an over sensitive prick i am especially with my friends. And that i get sad over the dumbest things that i shouldn’t even be sad about. And that i’m confused about a lot of things.
and i hate that i feel so damn hopeless and i hate my family and i hate the fact that my mum makes me so sad and i hate that i can’t talk to anyone or i don’t have anyone. And i realized how alone i actually am.

And i also hate the fact that i sound […]

I have been around here for a week, reading posts about other people’s problems, previous attempts and their rebounds from said attempts. Some of the problems are mentioned, them being of loss, love, subject of hate, assumptions, guilt, etc. Some of these guys are well-off and loved, some perhaps aren’t. So I’ll just add myself undeservingly to the list as I vent it out in the following brief of my life.

I haven’t ever attempted suicide, I could never gather the strength to do so, but not a single day goes without thinking about it. Theres nothing wrong with my life, and as a matter of […]

Every night, I am presented with a truth and every night I only ever speak in it’s truth. The earth trembles, harder. I won’t be going back to the weed store again. When I mean now, I need not to say it again. I’m going on a vacation, by September. My declaration of all. Godspeed.

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