It was midnight nobody was at home…. i picked the keys of my car … i locked my room and i moved to the car…the time was 2:30am …i started the moved on…then i went to a nearest mountainn…… i stopped the car and realizing all who dont care abt me … who betrayed me…And then i started the car again and i was incresing the car race and then i took my foot off from break and the car move soo speedly …And then i ijumped into the mountain with my car … I closed my eyes and praying to my lord […]
I fought when you couldn’t,
I stood tall when you wouldn’t,
I worked my fucking ass off just to get nowhere and I shouldn’t.
You had me rapped around your fucking finger,
The days I’d see you id just fucking linger.
The walls around me yeah they start to quiver,
Now I’m stuck here thinking did I deliver?
Well I ‘m not being made a Fucking fool,
Quit trying hard and acting like a major tool.
What you think you can just walk in and make up all the rules?
Fuck your shit off cause you’re not that cool.
if youre reading this there is no point. you might as well leave. its just another worthless piece of shit whinning about their life. im actually suprised im even typing right now. i havent eaten in 2 days and i have no motivation for anything. Nothing. im actually severly annoyed that im typing right now, my bones are actually aching. they probably ache from laying in bed for the past two weeks. i only get up to shit or piss or smoke a cigeratte. although im not shiting because there is nothing in my stomache. the only reason i havent killed myself is because im […]
I’m alive.
And I’m free.
I’ve never been more free in my life.
It feels so good.
I suppose I should explain what happened when I stopped posting yesterday. Basically, the pills were making me really tired and weak. I was dying, basically. It was getting really hard to type, because the simple movements were taking all of my energy. So, I said goodbye to all of you, and I fell asleep. I’m pretty sure it was closer to dying rather then sleeping, but I didn’t know at the time; I was too weak. Anyway, I never moved my laptop from on top of me, because the movement […]
Nothing is getting any better. I thought that after cancer I could face anything… that the world had to throw me some sort of bone, but it hasn’t. I don’t know what to do anymore. The only thing i wake up for is my job… and here people are constantly yelling. I get scared and i want to be held… but the only man who i trust to hold me cant stay here for much longer. i dont want to rely on him to be my savior. frankly, i’m tired of being saved. I want nothing more than to sleep, but as of late, that’s […]
Some of us come on here at our lowest, and we momentarily lose ourselves in trying to help others, sending out positive thoughts because we can’t muster up any for our own miserable lives. It just sucks to see my posts deleted with no explanation given. If I slipped up, fine, but how about (like admins do on other sites) editing the post with a bunch of asterisks where the offense was? Rather than deleting 3 or 4 paragraphs which somebody spent a lot of time and effort trying to compose? A lot of times I’m barely conscious when I post here, and I come […]
I have an amazing beautifal sweet caring loving girl. She’s psychologically sound and cant understand my plight. As i was doing so good for a while. I had a job making 32 bucks an hour 64 on weekends and i threw it all away for no other reason then i didnt like it and hated the boss. I sometimes wonder if having a girl who’s been where im at would be any different? One who understands me. From experiance. Like we could help each other . My girl is too normal as wierd as that sounds and i feel like shit sayin it
I’ll stop trying to get close to anyone. I’ll stop trying to fit in. I’ll stop trying to find someone to stay by my side.
I can’t forget you. I keep hearing you whispering in my ears. Whenever I close my eyes, I still see you. I can’t accept anyone because I still remember you. What is the point of me trying to find someone else to stay with me, when I myself keep rejecting them? Why would I hope to find someone, if I know in the end I will leave them because they are not you? Why the hell would I pretend […]
the lawn seems empty
the sky looks clear
the imminent danger
seems no where near
someone steps out
gun in hand
somebody runs
somebody stands
no one seems phased
he loads the gun
why do they walk
why don’t they run?
the sky turns red
and so does the road
somebody screams
as the blood starts to flow
the laws have crumbled
it’s a free for all
black is the trend
and decency falls
corpses lay mangled
in allies and streets
laying in stacks
and on the concrete
hanging from streetlights
and hanging from trees
nobody cares
as long as they bleed
if someone’s not hanging
they’re hanging others
from children and […]
I’ve been stolen
And I know I can’t be found
To which these eyes can’t understand
Life’s been destroyed
And am I now
Without regards to who I’ve been
Treasured times have taken me
Far beyond the whispered willow tree
Ideologies
And simple needs that burden me
Will rest here in this place
Where was I going
I never figured out
I couldn’t wait
I want it now
That’s my testimony
It’s all I had to show for myself
Cause I’ve been stolen
And can’t be found
To which these arms keep reaching out
Can’t fill a void when all is lost and alone
In my over 30 years of being chronically suicidal and depressed, I’ve tried drowning myself by swimming out far into the ocean until I became exhausted (but I was “saved” by fishermen, though they had a bit of difficulty landing me in the boat, because I fought like hell). I’ve tried poisons, and massive doses of acetomenophen and morphine (put me in a coma for a while). I’ve tried cabon monoxide poisoning by charcoal (but my only neighbors came home unexpectedly, returning early from their […]
Ok, so GW is in fact LL, but the reason for that is not as malevolent as many may seem. I was in the hospital for 1, 5 weeks and after felt somehow weird to start writing you guys again with LL. Felt as I had no energy to start writing and talking again; somehow wanted to forget the former self of mine – the sick one. And I guess I thought I’ll die soon anyways so what’s the point, even though many cared about my well-being and destiny. Very selfish of course, but I’m starting to be mentally very unstable knowing my disease and […]
People are writing about the SP chat.. but I don’t know what’s going on :/ Can somebody explain me?
I’m feeling gucci.. so Can u guys comment stupid things? I wanna laugh cx
Hey… So I have think too much about overdose with sleeping pills. I think that I’ll just fall asleep forever. But how many pills do I need to use?v
I am tired of being an incest survivor with no family or partner
Watching myself age alone
Feeling helpless and trapped
So much pain, no God to care, no man to care,
Nothing but SHIT
Worst of the worst
Never did drugs either or drank to excess
The world is nothing but PAIN
My heart feels like it is bleeding inside and out
Yes, I want to die, all the time
I am just tired of it all now
Life is hell with ptsd
HELL
Forgive me Lord
Oh yes, religion if hell too and the guilt
All
I don’t want to kill myself. I do want to die. Two sentences that I have said in my head and out loud for years. It’s not that I don’t have people who care and/or love me only, that’s the reason I don’t know if I could actually do it myself. I have recently been fully diagnosed with Bipolar 2 with psychotic symptoms.
Still something I have a hard time even thinking without some sort of unchecked rage or hysteria. It’s simple why I want to die though, really. There is no hope. I’m rotting from the brain out. All that will happen is I […]
I am a depressed 34 year old white male in good shape living in San Francisco on SSDI. If there are any females who want to hang out, please reply and we can exchange emails. BTW, I have a full head of hair if that’s important to you.
Does anyone find that the more depressed you become, the more constipated you get? Any relation? It seems this way for me. Also, does anyone have any success using over the counter enemas? The worse my depression gets, the less often I have a bowel movement. And since I’ve been basically suicidal lately, I’ve also been backed up. Fiber food/pills/dulcolax don’t help. Any ideas?