There is no point in floating away from this. I want to drown in this feeling. Swirling and turning my whole world upside down and throughout the insides of my soul. To the depths of this ever so sweet suffocating embrace.
Far off from the dust of the earth surface, where kings have failed but still fall back in place.
Down in my luck, to the tide sweeping love beneath my feet. Low in behold, below fire and smoke. Bringing this all to a close…
Too cold to move on
And too sweet to hold!

Keep me drowning….please? I beg for it if you’d be […]

whenever things finally seem to be working out for me, or I begin to feel a little better, people just decide to fuck it all up for me again?

Why can’t people be reliable?

Is it weird that part of me is afraid of the water? I guess that’s why I don’t go swimming cause I almost drowned 2 times, once when I was little and another time when I had to save my little sister from drowning in the ocean even though she weighed more than me. And another part of me just doesn’t like the water. Ever since I saved my little sister ( 3 years younger than me) from drowning I have not gone in the water really, Ive only gone in when I had to, for example camp when I had to surf and swim in Catalina […]

Maybe the world is just a big mess,
full of pointless people doing pointless things,
but I know this is a world I want to be part of.
I want to hear the rain tapping against my window,
like a well meaning person trying to get in,
but in this world the well meaning people don’t get in,
it’s always the scum that earn the trust,
‘Nice guys finish last’ they say,
but fail to see how true it is,
because I may not be nice to everyone and anyone,
but I am nice to the people who need it,
and maybe I will finish […]

So, I’m sitting here wondering about life, and one of the things I’ve noticed is that the Internet has been the only constant in it for a very large chunk of time now. The Internet is there for me when I’m sad, happy, mad, bored, fill in the blank. Nothing else in this world brings me the amount of joy the internet brings me. Not people, not drugs, not alcohol, not sex, nothing at all can compare to the wonders of the internet.

I recently found out that my internet has a cap. Because I reached it. With that, my internet provider makes you pay […]

You spend your whole life trying to please people, but in the end the person you need to be pleasing is yourself. With me its different I try to make people happy and I try to please everyone and I know I cant please everyone but I try. My whole life I have felt like I am not worth it I have been told by people that I was just a mistake and that I am not worth it and that I should just go die. Well guess what they got into my head all the time I stayed strong for my family and I […]

for years now i’ve been a zombie with one though on my mind

one cold endearing constant  thought through the good times and the bad it remains lingering in my mind like the stale smell of smoke  in the room around me.

everyday i wake up i wish that i hadn’t and when i go back to sleep i wish never to wake again

a useless ****** like me doesn’t deserve to live anyways  i just wish it were easier to do

i know i can get help and i know that things can get better with effort but i also don’t care i dont want things to get […]

Is it just me but talking to psychiatrist or counsellor or anybody doesn’t help… They just give you pills and everything will be “okay”. I haven’t talked to anyone about my depression and social anxieties in person, only on here as I feel people are more understanding… Since they experienced before. I find its better to type what you feel instead in person. If I tell them about my depression and social anxieties, they bound to say “get over it”, “stop being pessimistic”, “go see the doctor”…etc.*sigh* if only…. If only…. I have one wish…. Maybe life would be easier. …. I’ll probably be happier. […]

I’ve been fighting with this stupid depression for over a year. Now that I managed to feel better, with a lot of work and dedication, everybody around me is falling down. I got 3 friends who suddenly want to die. One of them is at the hospital right now, for it. This is weird. I don’t want to lose them. I’m probably the best person to understand them, and help, but I don’t really know how to. I don’t really know exactly what made ME feel better. Just pills, therapy and taking some risks.

This is a mad world. Really. I thought I wasn’t strong enough. […]

I was in a chatroom on social media

and i saw those words

‘i feel like dying’

shit

thats not what the website is for

so i tell them

‘call the suicide hotline’

they disregard me

a person message

‘stoop her’

stoop her?

im so confused now

‘stop her,shes my girlfriend’

shit
what am i supposed to do now?

so i set up a little personal package

dont die

suicidal numbers

truths

sigh

send

there

i fixed everything,right?

10 minutes
30
nothing

Wait–

Something!

‘Has she responded yet’

Oh

No

And now im going back

To that one place

That one place where i

pull my hair

and cant breathe

and feel like letting it all out

literally

just opening my mouth and letting my organs flow

a shake and heave

and start my same habit in a different place

and think about […]

Ok so um, this is my first time posting so try not to judge.

My life was normal as it could be-when I was 7. I would go to to school, bake cookies, and stuff like that. I basically had a good life, or so I believed-it was hard for me to see the bad in people/situations.

My mom: the woman who raised me till 7…she did drugs-all types of drugs(i walked in on her when she was using needles-but i was like 6, and didn’t know about drugs yet). She was also apparently bipolar and schizophrenic. She abused my sisters and I. Physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, […]

just F_ck

f_ck my family that steals from me

f_ck my family that ignores me, as if i dont even exist!

f_ck my so-called “friends” that are never around

f_ck face book and all YOUR great times i dont want to read about

f_ck this life that i never asked to be born into

f_ck it all!

NO REPLIES NECESSARY….i just needed to rant for a bit!

:/

 

Im screaming

Darkness is consuming me

No one hears my cries

“Your fat”

“Your ugly”

“No one loves you”

“Your a mistake”

I cover my ears

Shut my eyes

Trying to draw away the voice

“No that’s not true!”

I would yell at the voice

“My family, My friends, My boyfriend LOVE ME”

I scream in agony

“Its pity love,

Family are supposed to love you ,

Your friends wear a mask,

You boyfriend doesn’t want to hurt you”

I slowly opened my eyes

I saw a  shadowy figure stand before me

Black as night

Embrace me

It whispered

“Shhhhh, im here for you”

I slowly open my eyes and look at it

It kisses me

I feel all my emotions go into that kiss

It looks at me with a satisfied expression

“The contract […]

You asked if I ate

I nodded hiding the truth

You asked if I cut

I shook my head hiding the truth

You asked if im happy

I nodded hiding the truth

You asked if I was crying

I shook my head hiding the truth

You never see my world of lies

You wonder who I learned it from?

It was you

You lie

I lie

Its a world of lies

No truth within

Forcefully Finding Fickle Fables

Being governed by our cables

We glutch what is given

Not knowing we’re being driven

Constantly Crippled Controlled Constricted

This the life you depicted?

So easy to to influence

Your mind is promiscuous

Diligently Drudging Docile Drone

They try to overthrow your thrown!

Grab life by the throat

Cut it open, then gloat

Vivified Valorous Venom Victim

Torn the leach from your cerebellum

You should be proud

Go ahead, you’re allowed

Today I got back in touch with an old friend/mentor of mine, and we got into talking about things. He said how when he was younger he thought about the possibility of death/suicide, and he eventually explained how he was able to overcome…or snap out of his dark state.

 

By realizing he was his own worst enemy.

 

And that’s me. I’m my own worst enemy.

just wanted to say goodbye to all you ppl.  it was nice while it lasted.   lately theres been alot of trolling and impersonating.  and before i start hating ppl who are pretending to be other ppl that were nothing but nice to me…  im just gonna leave and not come back.  its too bad that some ppl have to ruin things like a great chat ive been coming to for years and meeting great ppl in but i suppose it is the internet.  but i can see this escalating and its just bullshit that i dont want to deal with right now.  so bye […]

You Promised you would stay

You lied

You Promised  you loved me

You lied

You Promised you wouldn’t judge

You lied

You Promised you would be here

you lied

Now im alone in a world of lies