Today I got back in touch with an old friend/mentor of mine, and we got into talking about things. He said how when he was younger he thought about the possibility of death/suicide, and he eventually explained how he was able to overcome…or snap out of his dark state.
By realizing he was his own worst enemy.
And that’s me. I’m my own worst enemy.
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Aren’t we all? specially considering we only have ourselves if you look at it in an objective way (you come to the world alone, and die alone). So yeah, i agree.
That’s also what the baddie in my life also used to say…:(
But what do you do when you’re your own worst nightmare? I have to stop scaring myself, or being everything I hate, as he said. How do I do that? Is that where the medicine and therapy comes in? So it can help change my thought process?
I don’t even know anymore.
Learn to be your own best friend.
That’s gonna be quite a challenge, lol.
Of course it will be challenging, especially when most of us despise our very essence and are left with only pieces of who we are. But it doesn’t mean we cannot move forward.
So, you up for the challenge?
It can’t be any harder than waking up in the morning…..right?
I’m not up to the challenge simply because I want to just quit and die…but that would mean the demons win. And that’s not good
Exactly.
Why quit and die? Why let the demons win?
You’re right. Why let the demons win? It makes me the loser, and everyone else sad. But I can’t help and think, “I’m just so tired why not be the loser like I’ve always been”.
I’ll get the hang of this whole “positive thinking” one day…hopefully.
“Do, or do not, there is no ‘Try’. ” ~ Master Yoda
Everything is a choice … we just need to recognize we have the power and the option to choose which way to think and feel (assuming we don’t have a medical condition that can effect this).
jedi dawg
(you can delete the other comment, this is where i wanted it – I hit the wrong “reply” link – sorry for the confusion)
“I’m my own worst enemy.”
“So it can help change my thought process?”
Yes – we are our own worst enemy … and harshest critic. Changing our thought process is the simple answer – just not an ‘easy” answer/proposition. Why? Because we don’t “want” to change to something we’re unfamiliar with – we’ve been conditioned to be wary of the unknown. And because we won’t change our thought process, we double down on the same unhealthy thought process we are comfortable with and conditioned over many years to accept as “the only way”.
Now, here I must stop and mention that I’m talking in general terms – in the abstract, academically. This means that not everything I say will apply and may need to be modified to work in different situations for different people.
We take A LOT of our foundational information for granted. Stuff we learned when we were small/young … once we installed it into our processing, we never go back and review it … we build on it and then we build more thoughts/feelings on top of those using that original foundation. Layer upon layer of thoughts, feelings and knowledge built on a foundational piece of information that we learned when we were learning how to make mudpies and getting excited for a visit from Santa Claus (Father Christmas, etc) … But what if that base piece of data was wrong or inaccurate? It’s a piece of data that we haven’t thought of in years maybe even decades – we haven’t though about it, much less reviewed it for its accuracy.
But what if it has changed? Or was never correct in the first place?
Now here is the issue – many people won’t even consider the possibility they are incorrect of were misguided all that time ago because pride (for one) will dictate that we don’t want to be wrong and we certainly don’t want to feel/admit we were duped – oh the humility of THAT.
But truth is true whether you believe it or not. It’s scary and potentially humiliating to think we might be wrong or have been mislead about something so the natural reaction is to defend what we believe or do mad acrobatics to maintain our beliefs – we trick ourselves to make the world “conform” to what we “know”.
Additionally, and staying with the point that “we’ve been conditioned to be wary of the unknown” We tend to spend more time looking in the rearview mirror and not enough time looking forward to where we are going. And then when we do “look forward”, we often “see” a caricature view of our “destination” that we actually cannot see because it is still a looong way off over the horizon. And that caricature view of our destination is created using the the flawed and corrupt foundational information we’ve built many of our thoughts/feelings/beliefs on.
So – how to stop being our own worst enemy/critic and change our thought process?
First – don’t judge yourself
Next – only deal in facts and truths and don’t be afraid to adopt a fact or truth – a fact is a fact – period, it doesn’t care if you “think” it’s a good fact or an evil fact … it just … is. There’s no emotion or intent assigned to a fact. The color “red” is red … nothing onerous or majestic about it.
Think of the way history and science handled the shape of the Earth and it’s placement in the solar system. If we were stuck on the Earth being flat, we’d have to do back flips and triple twist somersaults to make the rest of what we now know about the world/universe “fit” with that “fact”.
To change our thought processing, we need to have the courage to really review everything we ever thought we knew and to be prepared to adopt evidence based facts and truths as they are and as we know them today. To do otherwise is to be an enemy to ourselves by lying or misleading ourselves.
Will that make your life “better”? maybe … and maybe not – but it will be more honest and it will remove a lot of the added effort we expend to try to make the world “fit” around our inaccurate and misguided worldview.
Take care of yourself and let others worry about themselves – be kind to others in a manner you’d like to be considered, it will increase the likelihood that kindness will be returned … but no one “owes” that to anyone. And finally, be honest without judgment- to yourself and others. If a fact has supporting evidence, it is usable, if not, it’s fiction/fantasy and should not be used to support any future facts/truths because it will corrupt them.
It’s simple really … it’s just not that easy, but once you install a mandate within your mind to only use truths and facts that are verified and supported with evidence, one’s outlook will slowly begin to change and the process WILL get easier as outdated, inaccurate or outright false data is removed and/or updated within yourself. At first you will need to make a conscious, overt decision to reinvestigate and review everything, but after a while of being consistent, it will become second nature.
All the best in your journey
fundamental dawg
Thank you for such a well thought out and in depth comment. I agree with what you’ve said. Facts are facts, and they don’t care what you think about them. And you’re right about being simply afraid to change the way we think because any change is scary. Being depressed and having a bad outlook on life is simply what most of us have always known, and having any other thoughts/views contradictory to that is frightening.
That’s probably the biggest problem I’m having right now. Coming to terms with the fact that it’s okay to be happy. I almost feel guilty when I’m happy, because it’s so foreign to me.
You are welcome – I can assure you, there’s nothing to “fear” or feel “guilty” about being and making yourself happy. I kind of had similar fears and feelings when I reassessed the concept or god/religion – all the crap I’d been told and learned from the time i began to walk … think how deep into the foundation all that goes. One crack lead to another and another. It took many years to remove and rebuild a foundation that had a lifetime built upon and around it (I’m an older guy so we’re talking decades of stuff learned at a very young age and simply taken for granted that had to be reviewed, removed and reconstructed).
But at the end of the day – the sky didn’t fall, the earth didn’t open beneath my feet and I wasn’t struck by lightning – and everyone around me went about their business without a thought or care as to my inner conflict – I simply became a different – arguably better – person on the inside while having no outward change visible to anyone. Although people did notice that my priorities and attitude changed for the better and my relationships became more honest and open.
I learned and adopted the methodology above when i was well into adulthood and it has become my main thought process and has been working nicely for many years now. Life is simpler, less confusing, less contradictory.
Things. Just. Are.
I accept them based on their supporting evidence and don’t assign them values that do not apply. Red is Red – not the color of satan or love … Pink is pink not a “girl color, or a sissy color” (For the record, my fave is purple 😉 )
It took some time for it to become “automatic” but well worth the investment … if you find yourself being happy – just go with it – enjoy … if someone doesn’t like it, fuck em – you’re free to remove negativity like taking out the trash. WE don’t give it a 2nd thought once the trash is in the can and the truck hauls it away. We just go forward and on with our day – don’t look back (you can’t see where you’re going 😛 )
violet dawg
Makes total sense. The concept of religion/God is a fairly difficult concept for me to grasp, because I am scared that I will go to hell for all of the things I’ve done these past few years. At the same time I want to believe that God would be merciful if I did kill myself, realizing that I am only human, and I had a weak point during my inevitable defeat.
But that’s a different topic for another day I guess.
Hey, nothing wrong with purple. I prefer it to pink, blue being my favorite color (girls aren’t supposed to like blue because it’s a boy color, har har)
No but that’s some good stuff you got. I always enjoy hearing the input of older people simply because time treats everyone different I suppose. And with time comes different experiences and interesting stories that can be written here for us younger folks to read and learn from 🙂
Regarding god(s)/religion(s) …you’re right, it’s a topic best left for another day … that said, I must say … far be it from me to try to sway someone’s beliefs – but I might suggest not even trying to “grasp” at god(s)/religion(s). Through my personal research, I’ve come to discover that they’re all man made – no gods, no devils, no heavens, no hells. Nothing to aspire to achieve or to fear punishment from – Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow and learn from yesterday. Live for you 🙂
peace
mortal dawg
“Do, or do not, there is no ‘Try’. ” ~ Master Yoda
Everything is a choice … we just need to recognize we have the power and the option to choose which way to think and feel (assuming we don’t have a medical condition that can effect this).
jedi dawg