Im afraid to die but im also afrad to live… Ive attempted Suicide 3 times, but they all resulted the same… My mom never knew….I cant talk to her, she thinks im all better but the truth is im not I feel more dead inside. I always try to make my friends feel better and talk them out of suicide or self harm but im to afraid to ask for help myself.
I miss my sex drive. i hope i get it back one day. i dont want to live like this. my health problems make me want to kill myself.
I had an awful meeting with my doctor, but for some reason I feel much much better now. Adrenaline has taken over my body. I will probably crash later, but I feel fucking amazing right now.
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I am ready to enter the beautiful West now.
I am that great god, the self-created.
Who is it?
He is Nun, father of the gods.
Otherwise said, he is Re.
To me belongs yesterday; I know tomorrow.
What does it mean?
As for yesterday, it is Osiris.
Otherwise said, it is gone.
I am that great Benu bird,
the supervisor of all that exists.
I know that great god who is in it.
Who is he?
He is Osiris.
As […]
Here it is,strangers
My 4 AM self hate,self pity,bullshit fueled story about how i have come to wreck my body and my life
and why i’m not going to kill myself over it.
My name is Daisy.No,I wasn’t born with it,but I prefer that over my dads choice of Jessica (My mom said my dad named me that after a porn star,but shes full of shit.)
I came into this world March 2,2000
Yeah,I’m 14 years old,still full of angst and meaningless arguments.
I grew up thinking I was normal,living in a house that looks like a hoarder who is almost recovered.I grew up thinking […]
When you sort things out, when you sort your life, when you think this time it’s going to be alright, you say: you made it!; something awful happens. It throws you out of your course and i know these things happen daily. I just can’t stand when someone thinks you don’t care, when they think it is easy.
I am not making any sense but i am a little bit teary so i can’t find the words to describe how i feel. It’s always thinking about the future that makes me sad. I reached an age in which it is not yet too late to change […]
When I first found out that it was love, real love, I couldn’t wait to tell her. I knew that she would be so damn proud of me, cause she always wanted the best for her little boy. And yes, she saw the struggle I went through in my younger years. She knew that I didn’t want to live my life and that it was simply a cruel joke. She saw all this, my mother. But I stayed strong for her and kept a promise.
When I proclaimed that the time had come..and that I didn’t need to be alone anymore..I told her that I […]
and i could live
and breathe in a new life
but the bonds that are made of sweet roses
keep me happily grounded in a miserable existence
how much longer can i stay in this nest made of thorns?
how much longer can i be distracted by the few fruits of the tree?
the fruits keep me from creating thorns from myself!
the sweet bonds need to be broken,dont they?
ah,but the bonds that bring forth happiness must be broken by new happiness.
or,maybe just relief?
so what will it be,O Flower of Trash?
will you let the thorns of ‘Giver’ dig into your flesh?
Or will […]
In less than 24 hours it will be the one year anniversary of my suicide. Just typing that now the tears swell in my eyes. I’m left with multiple organ damage, some nerve damage and a dying heart valve that causes an arrhythmia. Memories that were so special are blurs and I’m but a shadow of my shadow. I meant every second of my suicide and it was the only time I’ve ever felt free. Free of pain: mentally, physically and emotionally. Free of fear, free from my past, free from the numbness and so alive that night is burned in me. The sensation was […]
still seeking the refuge, hit my back up.
It seems they only realize that there is a problem if you kill yourself while you are winning the game.
Now before I launch myself into this philosophical escapade I’d like to state that, while I may express relative repugnance to the act of postulating, human beings would not be able to operate nearly as effectively or efficiently in every day life without the use of axioms. If most people constantly contemplated as to what ways their actions are or are not rational, they would get an interesting form of a cognitive workout but unfortunately their performance in their job[s] would most likely decrease greatly, assuming that these people aren’t working in a field that requires the
interminable contemplation of cognitive processes.
So here is my pre-reading supposition:
Postulating that the goal in life […]
This post isn’t about having a bad day…It’s quite the opposite, actually! I’ve noticed that SP has become quite a staple in my life. Aside from one thing that set me off today, I’ve had a marvelously wonderful day. This is actually the first time that I’ve been happy for an extended period of time in…well, a long long time. I am currently content. I’ve begun to find some motivation to do the things that I need to when previously my depression had kept me from doing them.
SP, I owe you. I am happy.
im used to being alone and not having anyone to talk to….but im feeling really fucked up right now….nobody fucking cares and i dont think anyone ever will….maybe i should take his advice…”just keep on cutting. you worthless piece of shit.”
like, really? i’m being totally serious. i keep hearing stories about people taking pills and ending up in the hospital and all of that – but… what if the person isn’t found? i mean.. if somebody was to take an entire bottle, of say tylenol for example, in a secluded area with nobody to rescue them. would they not eventually die after being passed out for a while? assuming they passed out before vomiting? or something? i just really really don’t want to fuck this up 🙁
I take pills in order to calm down. Try change that.
I take another type of pill so i do not commit suicide. Try change that.
I cut to make myself feel better. Try change that.
I write down how i am gonna die everyday. Try change that.
The thing is you can’t, and i don’t think you ever will. That is what scares me the most.
okay. so since nobody puts a profile picture for themselves on this site we get a picture of…? like what the fuck are these supposed to be? a robot? a couch? i dont fucking get it…it bothers me
There comes a point where you just stop reaching out. Stop asking for help, for encouragement, for company, for conversation, for love….for anything.
there comes a point when you just stop.
im at this point where I just want to end it all.
the only bad thing is, i’m trying so hold to hang on.
most people say, well if you had time to write this, then you aren’t going to do this.
I want to so bad but I don’t want to.
I want to die so I don’t have to deal with these people anymore
so I don’t have to feel sad anymore
but I can’t wait for the day I leave for my grandparents house.
that’s the only reason i’m holding on.
I just wany yhis pain to end.
I don’t WANT to die, but that’s the only way I know how […]