I felt life should end upon the last argument with my spouse, who accused me of thinking I’m superior to him, that I look down on hime because he is a black man, despite that we share the same race; and finally, calling me the b-word, saying f- you over and over again, telling me to go to hell, and calling me a drug addict and racist. I do not take any drugs. My life as you can all see, is a nightmare, and death will be a mighty fine relief. If you are a friend of mine, please look out for my daughter. I […]
”Why are you measuring me? Thank you sir, but I don’t need a new suit.” – He’s the undertaker…
– I ran into your ex today…. with my car.
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I WANT TO DIE. Right fucking now. It never gets any better I swear. My soul is bleeding from exhaustion. I am so tired, so bored of trying. I can’t take it. I want to close my eyes and never wake up. I’m just waiting for the right day to do it. I can’t take another winter. Fuck this life […]
AN: I just joined this website and this was something that I wrote a while back when I was down.I don’t happen to have any mental disorders or abnormalities and the disorders written in here are merely words that flowed into my mind when I was down. I don’t mean to offend anyone here , I’m just sharing my poem. It’d be great if anyone replied though…
The horrors of my mind,
they haunt my days and night.
I’m afraid to close my eyes,
for I know that it is there where they reside.
I’m so empty that it scares me.
Purplish bruises form below my eyes,
I hardly sleep
and yet I […]
Hi. I’m a 38-year-old female. I’ve been reading on this site for many months. But I’ve never posted. Today I felt like I should share my story. The first time I thought about suicide was when I was 10. I can remember locking myself in my bedroom closet for two months surrounding myself with pillows crackers and fantasizing about who would be at my funeral and whether anyone would care, I scratched at my wrists. That was the only self harm I can ever recall. That was the beginning of what I consider the bad gene. Fast forward to now present day and what I […]
I was reading about 70s teen heartthrob Andy Gibb and how he died right after his 30th birthday. The official cause of death was something about an inflammation of the heart after years of cocaine abuse. He had struggled with severe depression, but the family denied that it was a suicide, and the fact that he checked himself into a hospital (where he died 3 days later) seems to show it wasn’t suicide.
It made me wonder if I started now, how long would it take for me to wreck my own body? And is this the “long form” of suicide that so many people have […]
I could be ending it all here. Not now, but soon, I just have to find the right time and method. One method I’ve been thinking about was overdose on fluoxetine and strepsils (hopefully they’ll kill me). I tried hanging but I can’t tie a noose for shit, I have no access to guns at all, and I couldn’t be able to drown myself nor could I find a heavy object to tie to my feet. But that’s beside the point, the point is that I could take my life pretty shortly. I just feel like everything’s falling apart and that if I die now […]
i am just ready to give up, time to cut and relieve my stress for finally.
Sick of all this stupid shit. Same thing everyday, done with it.
I’m sorry I can’t save you. I’m sorry I’m not smart enough. Not great enough. Not rich enough.
I’m sorry for being stupid enough to keep fighting a dying battle.
But you are my reason, and I’m sorry I keep holding on to that reason. I’m sorry I cannot forget you.
I’m sorry I couldnt save you.
So I have never blogged before but I figured it might help to get some of this stuff off my chest.
Where to begin???? Well currently I am going through a divorce from the mother of my 2 youngest children and I have no one to blame but myself.
I love her so much but have hurt her over and over again throughout the last 6 years. I have been unfaithful more times than I can count and I deserve for her to leave me. I would have left me a long time ago. She is the most beautiful, patient and forgiving woman ever. She is the […]
I keep slipping further and further down, this life is a bottomless pit. I’ve sold almost everything I’ve owned, my house (freely rented since I became homeless) is a state, I look like shit, I can’t sleep, communicate or learn, and I’m too depressed to do anything about to care for those things. I’ve been racking my a brains trying to find some way of making money, looking into things I shouldn’t but I’m too stupid to even make money illegally. It’s all patched up or too complicated. I’m clinging on for dear life but I’m already dead. I can’t accept it, I’ve always had […]
A comparison
Have you ever read what it is like to fall in to a black hole? That’s what depression feels like. You’re slowly moving towards the end, regardless of how hard you struggle you can not escape. Time slows down for you while the world seems to move on faster without you. You can only see the things that came in with you, your problems and vices, all floating next to you as you fall in to a singularity of your own misery. And to an onlooker, you will never actually disappear. Only get closer and closer to the end, but in reality, you’ve […]
Well. Let’s face the facts babe.
you’re dead . cold.
softly floating in your blood. your eyes popped out of your skull like they were trying to reach out and strangle me.
and i finanlly undrerstood what had happened. i was not shaken.
i completely regognized the act of brutal savagery that was before my own eyes.
it did not strike fear into my heart.
only regret.the sting of regret that you didnt die slower.
that broke my heart. if i had one.
I thought I was just depressed because I wasn’t active enough, so recently I’ve been hanging out with old friends and I got a job and started working out but even though I’ve made all of these steps I still feel depressed and suicidal almost every day. I still want to end this pain that I can’t find the source of and still want to shoot my stupid face.
I fucking thought that I could be helped and that I could find the solace I’m looking for but, no matter how many people I can bond with, no matter how many girls I aimlessly flirt with, […]
My parents don’t know im suicidal and ive been thinking about it more and more…Today i went out with my bestfriend whom they both trust. We went to a bonfire. Left. He got lost and when we got back to town we grabbed some food but the chef was gone and our food took forever. Basic basically i came home 30 minutes late and they start snapping on me. Talkimg about respect. I seriously hate them, they compare me to my brother who lies to them all the time and does a lot of drugs. But they don’t know that and flip on me for […]
I was able to hang out with a friend, more like sister, that I haven’t seen in what seems like forever. In reality, it was a few months but to us, it felt like lifetimes. We used to see each other every day. She is my sorority sister and we were colleagues. She left the job that we shared because of mistreatment so we didn’t get to see each other every day. Well, we both knew how difficult the job is so we would take turns doing something every week for each other. It helped keep our sanity and our depression in check. Well, she […]
I know its wrong to want to hurt someone… But why do I feel so strongly about it? Every time I hear SHE’s with the man I love (my ex)…. I want nothing but to rip her eyes out and slice her throat…. I don’t know whats wrong with me…. I’ve never wanted to hurt someone up until now…
Okay, so I’ve had writers block for awhile and I’m having a tough time getting back into writing songs. Do you guys have any suggestions of what I could do, or even give me topics/idea’s I could write about? Trying to get suicide off my mind…
Hey guys.
I made a new video and guess what? I hate it. You know why? Because the person I made it for didn’t even appreciate it.
I don’t even know any more.
I’m losing happiness. I thought I got out of the tunnel. I just… don’t know any more. I don’t want to deal with any more pain. But I also don’t want to die. But, it seems as if the only way to not feel pain any more is to die. Why must God or whatever put me in such a position? I have died once, and I don’t plan to die a second time. But […]
A year ago today I tried an Amitriptyline cocktail. I meant business, i had a few days set aside so nobody would miss or bother me, left extra food for my pets, my notes to everyone, and what to do with all my stuff and things I wanted to donate.
I had all the ingredients and quantities needed because my psychiatrist was treating me like a guinea pig and always sent me home with goodie bags of serious meds to try. I have never been sicker than that time period switching between meds so rapidly I couldn’t function and could barely find my way home at […]
nope,never,maybe? I’m pretty sure not. I’m going to hell, What a nightmare existence has turned out to be.