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Hi there I’m a 14 year old gay male, I suffer from schitsophrania and chronic depression and I think I need to let my story out. I self harm, I started at a surprisingly young age of I think only six. At the time it was not an addiction it was something I had done once or twice because hurting myself and hiding it did’t get me in trouble where as hurting other people did. Arround the age of seven, I got my first scar on my wrist in the shower, using a shaveing razor I had cut just […]

through the deepest depths. you brought me back from doom.

you are the carrier, the lasso.

is your spectrum so deep that you will reach.

never uniting, the story of the lost.

Lapras are oh so mysterious, too.

the water universe. the golden age.

a million years under the sea.

Gyrados, the trident.

Polywag, Polywhirl, Polywrath. our mankind.

the butterfly of the dead sound.

what is in the depths of darkness, under the sea.

why is the population of water pok. so low in the vast ocean.

the ecosystem of the lost and mystery.

the ying and the yang. one, versus the world.

celestial princess in our dying habitat.

it’ll be like…… we’re gonna go die……

or….. I just […]

I hate myself, I hate people, everything hurts. I don’t understand happy people. Even if someone is not a psycho, most people are assholes. Everything depresses me, the pills don’t work, the exercise doesn’t work, therapy doesn’t work. A 15 year old boy was raped in the bathroom of my local mall. You’d think a kid that age is safe to go alone to the bathroom. I read that two 12 year old girls stabbed another 12 year old girl 19 times. A man tried to sell his baby for $50. What the fuck is this shit hole? How can anyone be happy? Is everyone […]

i fought with myself for all of 2 seconds before posting this.

I feel morally corrupt for even doing this but here goes. I found a new site called Lost All Hope. its lostallhope.com.
its supposed to have methods, stats, links and all that good stuff.
I felt like if i posted that here, I’d be giving people the fuel they need to do what they want to do and that it would be all my fault. But i also know how desperate I get when I get in those moods and how I wish someone could point me in that direction. I may or may […]

Every decision that I have made each mistake and failure in my life is floating around inside my head. The fact that i’m emotionally disconnected because I’m terrified of feeling anymore more pain. I don’t want anyone not even my ex and deep down I think I still love him. I still talk to him I still see him and I’m sure that’s a big mistake on my part. But I can’t let go maybe it’s because I’m afraid, maybe I like remembering the good. Its unhealthy I know that, but I seriously think that there is something wrong with me mentally. Is it wrong […]

Fuck all of this… even with you sitting right next to me, suicide is still my first thought… why am I still here; I’m so done with this all…

Alakazam. Is my favorite pokemon.

the highest mind. the closest to the heart.

a jewel. a diamond. a vision. a suffer.

the fight. versus the world.

the countdown to nevermore, has begun.

I have no more weed. today, alpha. take me to the next stage.

flower evolution. we all seek the same do not forsake.

I seek nature in order to heal my blood.

I am the ‘thing’, a swamp monster.

Alakazam was by my side, thank you.

The time when I was out at sea.

I think I saw the obtruding shell of a Lapras once.

And it’s vast size shadow. It was quite scary.

Lapras is a creature of peace.

Tripping out on Gyrados.

Statement: Over. The […]

My body is on repeat. Happy. Sad. Anxious. Happy. Angry. Sad. Never ending cycle. I can see myself going through it all the time and try and try as I do, I can never break through. I want to scream until I cough up blood and pull on my hair until it all falls out. I don’t know what to do. My head hurts all the time. I destroy my life, get it back, and then destroy it again. And I Don’t know why. I just can’t seem to help it. I’m so tired. I’m tried of this. I’m tried of momentary happiness and ever […]

I’ve seen this same sentiment expressed using the example of crumpling a piece of paper up, then smoothing it out…..I like to think that by taking the extra step of smoothing the paper out, or gluing together the broken plate, an act of healing occurs. True, the damaged object is visually and physically changed, but the healing act of restoration keeps the object whole. And there is something precious about the act of coming together to achieve restoration….understanding from where the tools to achieve the restoration come.

In the novel The Nun’s Story, the Superior […]

Yes you. You know who you are…if you could be by my side right now I may feel less darkened by the demons.

I miss you.

because my problems are so contrast.

through this hell I became born. a contra warrior.

I am the dead Ash. The story of the black ash.

the story where at the end the sad hero.

what happened when it reached zero.

was there another realm. or did I fuse with Gengar.

what is the psychic world. I am a Gengar.

I can levitate and fly. I have psy-power.

I can control and manipulate things and matter, and even people.

A freaking Gengar. What in the psychic world.

There used to be a Gengar, when he found the holy spirit.

Together, they went to go save the world.

Alakazam, is the guru of peace.

I type with […]

  I don’t think I want to kill myself  quite as badly as I just want to stop participating in modern day life. We go to school, get a job, buy shit we really don’t need, and rarely ask “why the fuck am I doing this”?

If you live in society you need money to pay for essentials like food, shelter and clothing. But do you really need a cellphone, a car, furniture, credit cards, internet access, health care, etc? Is any of that essential for survival? No, but you want it, so you work in order to earn […]

I came across this site a year back. How did I find it? I typed the word “suicide””. And this came out. During that time that was in my mind. It was an acknowledgement. A Consideration. Possibly an option. Or a plan in development. That one word speaks for itself.

Today I had a breakdown. I suppose it happens every now and then. Some call it the ups and downs in life. I call it the fucked up times in life. And i was listening to some sad music but the ones I came across were mostly depression and self harm and suicide. I decided to […]

So I don’t think I will be…

My boyfriend even told me I’m a pain in the ass… why are you even with me if I’m that fucking bad… I might as well leave you so your life can improve…

life is full of surprises right and i have faith in it too but i dont get it why im being so impatient. there are things which i let go of and trust me i never had any regrets but these days it is different story,  i always value my principles and morals and always used to think that if people come to me because they think im someone who have power and money they are not sincere. BUT lol due to this i have been isolated by my family they dont value me anymore they only pity me and that is quite upsetting i […]

If you can’t trust your own mind, can you really trust anything at all? I live in complete uncertainty, I can’t rely on myself or my own feelings. I constantly feel a whole bunch of nothing, or a whole bunch of everything. One day I’ll be head over heals for someone, and without warning I’ll wake up the next day and the only thing I feel for them is completely platonic, strictly friendly. The only thing I’ve found that feels right in this galaxy of wrong is completely impossible, a slap in the face. I vow never to have feelings for anyone, so why am […]