The daisy days go buy, i sit dazed and confused ,laying one with the being beneath me. he hugs me she trust me ,she know i am loyal to her trees, magnificent beings. closing my eyes,I wonder upon the mountain side, so small infinite to the world outside. I love it all, the one thing i could possibly love is her,the song birds sing ,i sigh the wind fills my lungs to saves my cries. Brush the hair of a girl who is so confined, so small to both her and time, I try to just be, love everything she made; including me, be open […]

how could you give someone something that makes them happy and then just take it away from them. Thats not fair,thats just evil

Its all pointless? I have no one anymore i dont even know why im posting on here either my lifes pointless and im done with it all 🙁 im gonna end it now forget everyone just do what i want anyway :/ im done with life and im sick of people always trying to keep me here so they feel better and i dont care anymore all my friends have gone and abandoned me too my girlfriend got taken to a psychiatric center and she probably wont get out so here i am alone with all the painkillers i could find and im DONE goodbye […]

Today’s goal—-act normal, and maybe I’ll feel normal. Robot mode. Tell the doctor everything that’s really wrong, with the straightest face.

I had a dream last night I got sent back to the hospital. It was even more decrepit and bare then the real life one.

No wonder I can’t sleep. If it’s images of the disgusting things that’ve happened it’s images of guns and using them.

But, no, I have to act normal today. Distractions are futile, but I’ll be a robot.

I am hopeless, I have no way out, no where to go. I have tried to get help over and over and over and over and over only to be rejected by the 2 people I am trying to get help from. I stopped working last August. I just couldn’t go on anymore. I have a bachelors of science. Against all odds I make something out of myself professionally. But it has done me no good. I still carry the trauma. I absolutely have no friends and no family. I am completely isolated, some days I think I will lose my mind from the isolation. […]

all of my life i have felt really dumb and i didnt know what to do.it got worst in fifth grade people bullied me and made fun of me i really didnt understand why… until one day i couldnt take it anymore thats when self harming came in…. for three full years i have self harmed and it is very hard to stop. i finally 3 months ago.i never have ben this happy.all of my life…… i was a depressed little girl until 3 months ago.im set free. finally i know why i was depressed because of my past and what i have seen.from a […]

Hm. Maybe less than a week if things go well, and a warm bath with steel will be it. I finally see the light at the end. Hahaha. No one knows no one knows. Lock the door turn up the music and let the water and red run together. Bye bye guilt bye bye grief I’ve finally cracked but now I’m taking these demons down with me! No more jitters no more anxiety no more numbness no more pills no more fucked up brain no more pain in other’s eyes no more no more no more I finally get what I deserve

No more. It doesn’t […]

Have you ever felt so much pain from all your hurtful past events that you break down crying? But then there just one event in particular that makes your skin crawl, even the thought of it makes you wanna fall apart right then and there…..You feel like you wanna break down and cry….But nothing comes out, so you sit there completely numb to the world around you, just being consumed by your own thoughts….Constantly asking yourself “Why?”…..Then everything just crashes down before your eyes…….and after a while……you just give in and wait for death…..Know the feeling?

~.Andi.~

Once an addict, always an addict… right? So that’s how this works too I guess. I want to cut so badly. I’ll have to go to the store to get some blades and replenish my selection. Seeing my thoughts written down makes me feel like throwing up. Good thing I’m too high to care

Somedays I just feel like finally doing it. Just swallowing that bottle of pills on my nightstand or climbing onto my room and diving head first into my concrete driveway, maybe taking a kitchen knife a locking myself in my bedroom ..sliding it vertically down my wrist. My life is an endless circle of nothingness.

Wake up, get dressed, brush teeth, grab backpack, jog to bus stop, go to my seat, arrive at school, go to homeroom, go to 1st period, go to 2nd period, go to lunch, go to 3rd period, go to 4th period, get on bus, walk home, eat, do homework, get online, […]

I had a panic attack today I never experienced anxiety till this month. It’s been atleast one eveeday now. It really started with a subtle paranoia the small thought that maybe ill fail maybe my friends are lying to me. Now it’s become completely out of hand. I’m encased in lies and dangerous things and I’m afraid to make a move because I’ll fail I know I will. And all the while the spiders that spin their webbed lies that I used to call friends race on without me. I can’t blame them I never let them see my panic […]

Yeah, I want to end my life as well. My reasons are  arm long.  I was rape at eighteen years on the day of my eighteen birthday party by my boyfriend at the time. The same boyfriend would push me against the wall, and grab my wrist with a scary look on his face. ( I left him but he help with my own emo feelings. ) The next year was my senior year. I lost MOST of my friends because one of something STUPID. I learn I had most fake friends then real friends. No one would believe me about the rape. , but […]

As I sit here writing this all I can think about is the medication I want to overdose on. I’m a very easy person to talk to, I’ve been taken advantage of and at this point I’m really ready to be done. Life as I know it could quickly end. I’m 16 and have been to hell. My parents caught me my first attempt and thus putting me in therapy because they said I had lost it.  How can I make it stop

Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]

Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]

:'(

I have read some of these posts and I identify with you all and I truly feel for you all. Many of these posts mention regretful and hurtful actions committed in the past. But what if you haven’t done any of these things and still continue to suffer daily? What if you are the guy who got straight A’s? What if you are the guy who is always loyal and decent to everyone? What if you have never done any drugs? What if are 31 years old and have never had one real friend? What if you live a completely healthy lifestyle, but continue to […]

If I were to die, who would care?

I’m sure someone would care, for a few minutes, but honestly, who would really take it to heart because I meant something?

My family might care for a minute, but they would forget about me, probably within a week.

I don’t really have any friends, and I know why. I am a jerk. I am worthless and stupid and I have no purpose. So, the people who are “friends” with me are friends with me out of pity. They would probably be better off if I died.

I honestly can’t think of anyone who would […]

I never thought it would come to this
I never thought I would cry
But now I’m finally broken
And now I want to die.

I’m bound to this earth with the feeling of regret from past events. My family doesn’t make the fact that i hate every part of my being any better. Sometimes i wonder, Why didn’t my mom leave my drunk dad? I mean she could have left him and spared my childhood memories from this twirling downward spiral of pain. I just wish i could have had a better time growing up. I only had One life, One childhood, One family….i could have had a chance at being happy if my mom left him……Happiness? What the fuck is the feeling of “True happiness”, someone please explain, […]