well my name is tony im 19 ive been down and depressed over the past few months or so I just don’t think there is nothing much more I can do on this world..everything I do or touch turns to shit…in my mind im a worthless piece of shit of a human being im done feeling like this so what im thinking bout doing is taking my own life and im gonna join the  many people in the AFTERLIFE….

today was different. who would have thought itd end like this.
i got blamed for something at school now im expelled ( i had nothing to do with it ). go home to see that we were robed. and now sitting on top of a bridge at the moment guess il see what happenes at the end of the day.

I have had enough. I am sick of picking up the mess of my son – time after time after time.. getting him out of debt, saving him and he is 26. I have just picked him up out of a drug induced psychotic episode and now he is throwing tantrums about not being allowed to smoke weed…… I have had enough. I want to live my life quietly and all the time he continues to snipe…….. tomorrow i will buy the razor.. I never thought I would but he has destroyed any hope of a life for me. I have none………….. and I actually do […]

I’ve noticed I always get more depressed when the weather is nice. In a thunderstorm or something, I’m ok. Nice day with sunshine and birds and happy people, not so much. I’m the opposite of normal people.

Garaa – check ur email, if you may.

Cruxification. Jesus is dead. Sickness.
A cowboy, the song of an outlaw. The Dragon House.
Resuscitate, Eddie Murphy, hit him up to save the Buddha child.
Hit me back up. Tom Cruise will be down to hit me back up.
Tom Hanks, take me to an island. A place, for the freedom of Wilson.
Where to go, to escape Armageddon, T Cruise knows what’s up.
Making his dough. The super star.

Ninja Thai Princess, on to the next sound. Surfing. We will run. We will fight.
The power of a thousand men. Swimming across an ocean, a wooden water […]

Everyone stares at me, i can’t breath. put on a smiling face but nothing is real, i feel hollow and empty everyday. I dont know if i can take this lie anymore.

When i was 13 i was raped, i dropped out after that.

nobody knows why i stopped going to school… the depression just got to be too much. i tried to kill myself and thats when my mother stopped pestering me everyday about getting on the bus, then this year… i thought my life got better. my depression wasnt so bad, so i tried to get back in school, they gave me the option to […]

I have difficulties expressing myself through writing. so I’m just gonna do it like this.

– I panic inside my body cause I feel claustrophobic. My body aches all the time and I have a constant headache and chest ache.

= I. just. want. out.

– I have no interest in a future what so ever. I don’t want to study, meet new people or get married and have kids. I have not had a moment in years and years that I could feel happiness and joy.

– I am not interested in anything. No hobbies that can take my away from the pain just for a […]

I know what you’re thinking. ‘It’s another girl trying to stop us from thinking about suicide’. ‘Nothing she’s going to say is going to stop me’. You’re right. There is nothing I can say or do to stop you from this. I don’t know what you’ve all been through; I definitely have no right to tell you that you shouldn’t commit suicide. But what I can tell you is that you’re not crazy. You’re not exaggerating. But most of all, you’re not alone. You’re probably thinking, ‘I’ve heard all this, there’s no point, she doesn’t understand’. You’re right, I don’t understand. But there is something […]

gooey golden puss leaks out of black hole cavities dug into the bone mixes in with bright red spurting blood from pasty skin. i hope it crusts over encompasses me crystallizes over mushy sores and infected flesh wounds. the red bursting across the whites of my eyes, framed by purple blue sleepless night etched into the skin, leaks.
would you rather die from the inside out, or the outside in?
all the bleach i swallowed to kill the mold growing along my thin bile bag makes it so talking is impossible. leap into flames sparked by the kindling in everything you don’t know, create raw […]

I am really sorry, but I cut myslelf one hour ago. It was so hard to stay clean ’cause there was so much pain and everyone said, that I fuck everything up. I’m scared, that it’s true. I am always so ugly and fucked up and just really… I don’t know what to say. Please forgive me ’cause I fuck everything up. Always.

I forgot the first line. Who the fuck is going to save me.

Gona go, try. Go, go. Battletoad. But I can’t.

Oh yeah. I need to stay clear, my eternal spectrum, and sober.

Be like water. Time to recuperate. I need to escape.

Seven years of acidic death. My scroll. My blood.

Faith of God, you would understand. Higher kind.

In your heart. Enlighten. Become a Man, a Woman.

Superman and Wonder Woman, and all the others.

Game-station. Do no forsake the forsaken. My chain, I wish I could of…

Saved you all. That is my mission.

The music of Mankind. Goddess resurrection. Our Men, our warriors.

Capitalize. Our world, system of hell. Seraphim, Seraphim, put out […]

I can’t do it because if her. Glimpses of pain in her eyes break my heart

…then that’s what they’ll see.
I’ll paint pretty pictures on the walls around me
I’ll always be happy and make it look real.
It’s amazing how well you can hide how you feel.

I wrote that about 27 years ago, and nothing has changed. I still paint on my smile every day before walking out the door. I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 10 years old (and perhaps before that as I’m fairly certain I was sexually abused and more than certain I was physically and mentall abused)…never understanding why I feel the way I do, or how everyone else always seems like they’re […]

Hi all.

I am new to this (TSP).

Since yesterday  have been in my room in front of my laptop searching, reading, and hoping. Wanting more than anything to find the solution to what I have always wanted: to die. For a few hours I thought I had found the way out. Twelve hours later, more reading and planning shattered my plans. I thought that finally I would have a successful suicide. Now I am desperate and frantically searching for another way to end my life.

As I write this, I am looking at my cat explore my desk. She makes me smile. She may be the only […]

1. They cannot create a company like everyone else( Steve jobs, elon musk, warren buffett, bill gates..)

2. They cannot invent a breakthrough for human race( tesla, edison,steve woz,..)

3. They may write a book but never sold to one million people

4. They can’t even dared to suicide

all they can do-daily job(9 to 5)

If someone ask them “why are you action handicapped?”
they keep saying bullshit stories like my target is love, making friends
serving people, life priorities, i dint born talented…endless stories to finish their quota of 80 years life somehow.

I never have been in this frame of mind. Where everything means nothing. I was a happy child. A good student. A great mother and then I was struck with a debilitating illness. My life was heavenly and now it’s beyond hell. I am limited to doing nothing because I am so ill. Is laying in bed by the force of this disease, day by day, minute by minute living. I have had enough of this suffering. It is beyond cruel. To be not aware of this living hell is my only hope. It’s closer than I think.

I’m so tired, and just kind of want to die. I just feel so sad. I was thinking about just popping about 100 ibuprofen, and then maybe slitting my wrists over and over and over again. Maybe I will? Maybe I won’t?
I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do anymore.
I don’t want my girlfriend to be my girlfriend anymore.
I don’t want my friends to be my friends anymore.
I do NOT want my parents to be my parents anymore.
They accuse me of self harming, although all I have is scars.
They tell me they want me to, go to some […]

Entry one:

Hello there…

This is the first time I am posting (or posting at all about anything before) about something like this but I think it is important to see if someone actually cares. Don’t try to remember my name or even ask for it, I don’t want you to do that and I hope that you could come to understand me than turn me away like the rest of them. I’ll try to write every briefly, so here it goes:

Suicide comes and goes from my mind everyday and I’ve really tried my best to figure out what’s wrong with me so I could fix it […]

Out of time
All out of fight
You are the only thing in life that I’ve got right.

Damn, now where can I purged.

Asking for a child, for in the name of the god.

Seeking. Abyssal lost. One in a billion.

All I can do. Nothing I can do. So just do it.

But what to do, like the meaning of my name.

The protector of the sun.

Tamed in abyssal, the Titans.

We the Humans, now like the ants.

Every hit. Every line. Beautiful music.

The melody, and the chain. Devil helds you by the iron ball.

I am a fucked up puppet, my true self, has never been shown.

The masquerade, the façade, the charade, what was the last one….

Hades, sitting in the shade. The shadow. Beast Vs. Kid Death.

Wow. Down, getting […]