Goodbye everyone. Wish me Luck.

I can’t think straight. This won’t be long. I’m abused, and while typing my hands are shaking. I don’t know where my life will go. My parents will arrive from their works later and my mini hell will begin. I need someone but I always find none. I don’t know where to go. They’re slowly killing me. Help. Help. Fuck. Damn. Darn. Help.

I never thought I would end up on someplace like this. I never wanted to die before. But my life changed, and I did nothing to deserve any of it. I spend my while day asking, “Why me? What did I do?” My brother killed himself in front of me. And I loved him. He was my world I always looked up to him, but after a night of partying I guess he decided he couldn’t take it. And just like that, he was gone. I don’t want to live without him.

That was a year ago.

I thought I would get happy but I’m not. What’s […]

Hey everyone. I mentioned a while ago that I was going to start ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) for my depression. I’m starting tomorrow and keeping a video blog of my experience. I just uploaded my first video (Before ECT). I will post videos as the treatment progresses. Here is the address to the link. If you ever have any questions, post them on the youtube channel comment section and ask.

Whitney

What’s the best thing in the world?
June-rose, by May-dew impearled;
Sweet south-wind, that means no rain;
Truth, not cruel to a friend;
Pleasure, not in haste to end;
Beauty, not self-decked and curled
Till its pride is over-plain;
Love, when, so, you’re loved again.
What’s the best thing in the world?
–Something out of it, I think.

people say that writing about how upset i am would help. but it doesn’t help because my dad finds my journal and reads them. i haven’t written down my feelings in over 3 years.  i want to write my feelings down. i want help. but my dad just tells me to suck it up. that i’m not really depressed. people say to ask for help. but whats the point of asking for help if nobody listens no matter how loud you are? i have attempted suicide twice. i had to go to the hospital one time. my parents were crying like they actually cared and […]

today was weird i look around me at all the people that are happy and wonder what is so wrong with me that i cant be like that. my friend came out as gay and nobody made fun of him, and yet i get made fun of all the time for no reason. i wish i was normal…

We are champions. All of us in our predicaments. Nobody will ever tell us that because no one else  can ever truly understand what it is we go through. I     I just wanted to say from one suicidal person to another.

I love you and i would hug the crap out of you if you were near.

You are my Hero.

And i wish you luck on whatever happens next.

in my city we have a high level bridge i planned to get drunk cause i don’t think i could jump off if i was sober. i had my friends with me and we sat underneath passing around the bottle. at the end of the night i was trying to save them from falling on their faces i had a chance to leave them there and climb up on the bridge and jump. but i couldn’t. instead i took half a bottle of clonazepams fell asleep listening to music dozed off and in my head im like, “this is it, finally”. i was feeling releived… […]

I think many people will relate to one or the other character of this movie

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xhalb0_waking-life_shortfilms

I want to start off with a simple word that does not mean a lot in today’s world and that is “sorry” I am sorry I have let you down. I am sorry I have walked all over you. There is nobody/nothing to blame it is my fault and I accept that. More people than I could count have tried to help me and all I have done is spat in their faces. As I look around I see everybody is moving on. I just stay on this path of nothing. I have given effort to make the right changes but all for nothing because […]

I just wish I could take someone’s cancer or something.
Imagine knowing when to die, having all your loved ones around you counting the last breaths together.. But more than anything, you just saved someone who wants to live, someoe who can enjoy life more then you do… Having a good purpose for death is probably the best thing I could ever hoped for right now.

I’ve started on an antipsychotic to tone down my high anxiety levels, but they make me feel so sleepy and sedated I can’t do anything but sleep. This is probably a good thing because its a nice blackout from reality, but it means I have more moments in the day where I ‘wake up’, and waking up is the worst. I feel so low all the time; my family keep thinking i’m ‘making progress’ but I still feel exactly the same about everything. I still think about how I need that final end, that there isnt any other option for me. I’m only doing these […]

Do you think it’s better that we know we have the option to end our lives ourselves or would it have been better if we did not know it was possible for us to commit suicide? Does knowing we can kill ourselves make us give up more easily and not look for a solution than if we didn’t know suicide was an option?

I don’t know if that make sense just curious as to other people’s opinions.

My name is Abhishek, I’m 23 years old. My parents are abusing me everyday and everytime. No matter how much I try to avoid them, they just find a way to put me down. They want me to die. I haven’t done anything wrong, I’m just a guy who helps others and this is what I got for my goodness. I had a girlfriend but I have to leave her because of my parents. I’m lonely and I have nobody to share my pain. I want to cry but I stop myself thinking that I must become stronger in order to survive. But now I […]

yesterday I had a phone call from my GP (DR’s) they said i had to go in right away to discourse my latest  blood test. when I  got I there  they saw me almost right away so basically I’ve got  deficiency in vitamin D,A,C,b12  i’m also anemia on top off all that the sodium and potassium  are low as well and i’ve been give a shit load off pills to help with this because i’m bulimic and have been for over 10 years with episodes of anorexic I kinder know this could happen but I’m not going to stop  i don’t think i can it been apart off […]

Street Dreams:

I see the streets burn every time I fall asleep, I’m losing all my sanity. I can’t hide from the voice that speaks inside of me.

I see the trees burn along with all my memories, I’m losing all my sanity. I can’t hide from the voice that speaks inside of me.

Bullet:

My legs are dangling off the edge. Bottom of the bottle is my only friend. I think I slit my wrists again and I’m gone, gone, gone, gone.

My legs are dangling off the edge. Stomach full of pills didn’t work again. I’ll put a bullet in my head and I’m gone, gone, gone, gone.

Coming […]

I didn’t think it was even possible to feel any more terrible than I did a week ago, but it is. It’s hard to even get out of bed in the morning. I’m just so exhausted all the time even though I sleep minimum 8 hours a night. I just hate this… I hate this so much… I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. No one. Why do I have to feel it? God, if you exist, why are you letting me feel like this? Why can’t you help me? Haven’t knocked me down far enough?  Can I just please die now? I’m already more […]

So, if you read my previous post, “A New Low”, you’ll understand the title and the following post.

So, I wasn’t fired from my job. Instead, they have decided to make my life so unbearably miserable that I want to quit. Today, literally, no one spoke to me. I would initiate conversation or ask a question and no one would respond. Unless I died and I just haven’t realized it, I would think that the least people could do is answer questions so that I could go about doing my miserable job. If i’m wrong, by all means, please point it out. I’m not being provided […]

It’s terrible when you’re walking down the street, or simply talking to someone, and suddenly you can feel like you can’t hold back your tears anymore. You start crying and you don’t know why. Everybody stares and asks what’s wrong and you can’t answer their question. There’s nothing wrong, nothing bad is happening and you have everything anyone could ever ask for. And yet you don’t feel happy.