To be honest, I just really want out of this life. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take the worrying about my future. I can’t stand the fact that I’m completely ugly. I can’t stand the fact that I can never chose the right religion. I can’t stand the fact that I’m so open about how I feel with everyone in the world. I’m just so fucked up in the mind, and there’s so much that races through my head. There are just so many thoughts, and they’re crazy and weird. I’m crazy and weird. I’m stupid. I’m always fucking something up. People try […]
there was this huge fight over facebook about 7 months ago between a lot of people and me, and i was getting told to go kill myself and today i just went back and looked at the fight and started crying. I hate how people can be so mean to me. its like, what have i ever done to you?
anyway, im not really posting because my laptop crapped out and its not working so im using my dads until i get a new one.
i might not go back on this site anymore because i dont really now what to do with it. I’ll end up […]
I feel like I’m constantly lying to prevent anyone knowing how I really feel. I feel like a failure and don’t know how to start again. I wish I used my past opportunities better, but this horrible depression feels so debilitating that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. No one knows I want to kill myself. Suicide, Â it’s always in the back of my mind like a comfort, that if things get worse I can always get out of this life. My life has become that trivial to me now, that the thought of dying is a comfort.
Look I’m in my 20s now. And let me tell you during my high school years I fell into a depression and started entertaining suicidal thoughts. I became so introverted and just really didn’t like my peers and school I attended.
Didn’t go to prom. On my graduation day my mentality was ” good riddance”, so whats my point? -Although I must add I did well in my academics. Well, all I have to say is any of you people out there struggling with suicide, don’t do it. I know this sounds generic but don’t give up. TRUST ME, I had nothing to live […]
I remember my days of old, gloomy and dismal skies were my lot.
Broken, confused and distraught. When would I start enjoying life once again?
Absent friends and a flustered mentality, as days went on, so was my happiness gone.
I cannot grow old on this accursed lot of loneliness, nothingness and despair. Could I
rise from the rubble, shall I dream, do i dare? This is how life was back then. We are the
creator of our roads, navigators of our souls, elevating us towards our goals.
It is time to take this dream and make it a reality.
Drinking an crying drinking and crying. filling up the empty bottle with tears so i can just pour it all over my psychiatrists nice rug tomorrow and say “Thats how i feel” but he wouldn’t get it.
You know the worst and maybe greatest feeling i’ve discovered in this amazing life, is the feeling you get when you realise you gotta take control of your own death. That strong burning sensation you get on the wrist’s that trickling blood feeling behind the eyes, so much passion and euphoria. which sadly is designed to be short lived, for reasons we all know.
Sorry I’m in a mood. 70% […]
Does it get any easier? Dealing with the pain? The sadness? Resisting the urge to wrap her in a hug and kiss her? How about pretending nothing’s wrong? Or accepting the fact that the thing you want most, you can’t have. Or how about living? Does that get any easier? Does it ever?
like the title says I’m tired of this life. I’m 37 years old. I’m drowning in debt. I’ve lost my career. I used to be a teacher and really good teacher. One day I asked sleepy students to stand. He stood I moved the chair away from him and he immediately sat back down and fell. My assistant said I pulled the chair out from underneath him. I was charged with assault on a child under 12. The child doesn’t speak English and his account the story doesn’t match mine or my assistant’s account of the story. I was decorated teacher and my career is […]
Im just tired of everything everyone hates me except 2-3 people my family hate me my mom always calls me names and my brother and sister told that next time i try to kill myself i shouldnt tell anyone so i actually die and maybe theyre right i think about it a lot and i realise everyone in my life would be better without me im just a weordo who cant even talk to people i cant even talker to my counsilors and psychiatrists maybe its my time to go and finally give them what they want besides my life has been hell so far […]
i am close to only a few people.i cant get close to anymore people.they will just end up leaving me and hurting me like the rest.the are just not nice anymore.i blame my ex’s for making me have this fear of getting close to people.i hate the fact that i have the fear.i need to let go of that,but it doesnt look like tht is going to be happening anytime soon. SOMETIMES…..i feel like no one really knows me or my life or what i have been through.they only know my name not my story so stop being so damn mean to me and just […]
So I just experienced the worst part of my day. Waking up. It’s 1pm and i just woke up. I was dreaming. My favorite pass time.
I honestly don’t enjoy anything else in life. Dreaming is an escape from life…from the depression. I can’t seem to find joy in anything else. I stopped taking my depression medication. I honestly didn’t see any difference.
whaterver…
I’m fucking tired. I’m tired of caring for people who don’t give a shit about me. I’m tired of waiting for a text that’s never going to come. I’m tired of thinking things will be different, yet they never change. I’m tired of giving out chances, only to be let down. I’m tired of putting forth 100% of an effort and only getting 25% in return. I’m tired of broken promises. I’m tired of let downs by the people who matter the most to me. I’m tired of making someone a priority, when in reality i’m just a number to them. I’m tired […]
I’m so tired. Just tired of all this crap lately. First off, I was starving myself yesterday and the day before- an attempt to diet because I’m fucking gross. I want all of my fat gone. All of it. I hate myself. I’m a gross, fat, ugly waste of space. I hate myself so damn much. You know what I’m really, really, really craving, though? Sweet release. Last week (I think), my blade was taken away, and I haven’t been able to cut. Cutting was my little escape. All the cuts on my arm are fading away, and I’m getting anxious about that, for some […]
Tonight, I was truly, for the first time in a very, very, long period, free.
Other than the pills working and pumping happy juice into my brain, I had a tremendous emotional catharsis.
I was finally able to move on from old expectations and loves ones.
It doesn’t feel anything special like I was extremely happy or anything, but I felt free.
For the first time since forever, I wasn’t tired, and found my energy slowly coming back.
This is great news for a depressed person like me.
I’ve found that I’ve been getting hurt all the time by my own expectations.
My expectations of myself, expectations […]
Today as been one off the best days I’ve had in months so far I feel there is hope for me I can give so much to this world. my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) don’t know if you have them in the us? but in the uk we do. Well he said that I will be starting counselling next week I’ve been waiting for this for months as they have  a very long waiting list in my area where I live. I still feel down I still fell like ending it. but it is less today then it as been its mead me think my […]
Yesterday I decided to make a tumblr, and I feel like I can express myself there betrer than here on this site. So probably I will be less on this site. I’ll try to give an update once in a while, but forgive me if I don’t.
Well, I am only 14 years old girl, but I already drink this amazing drinks. Beer, vodka, whiskey… Just almost everything. I started when I was 10 years old, when I started noticing my parent’s problems. And when I started to drowning in depression, my mother started to telling me everything about my father. Everything she told me were lies ’cause my father told me everything about mother. My father was right, my mother always screams and she’s always angry when I say something good about my father.
My mother was calm when I was angry at my father, but when I started to protecting my […]
Married 20 yrs, separated 6 wks. Have 3 kids. Â He asked for divorce, incompatible marriage. I’ve been coping w depression, loneliness, pining, I can’t cope anymore. I’m 48 yrs old, I want to take my life cos each day is becoming too difficult to tolerate alone. I’ve no family, no friends in this b looming end if the earth. No self esteem, no interest in anything, walk around like a zombie, don’t think of anything but his face and all that he did for me, his presence that I relied on day n nite. There’s nobody accompanying me anywhere now. Â What can I […]
I’m on 200mg of sertraline. What will happen if I take more? Will I be okay?
Well, for some unknown reason I am just so deeply sad tonight and the tears are flowing. I am leaving early tomorrow morning to make the 5 hour drive from PHX to L.A.  ….. Perhaps I should just keep on driving and make that visit to the GGB………yep…..it’s a bad one tonight….where is the positive energy I’ve been trying to offer on SP…..it sure isn’t with me tonight.