Today I almost broke up with my boyfriend because I feel that every time he sees me crying for no reason, every day I can’t go to school because I can’t get out of bed, every time he sees a new scar on my wrist, it hurts him. I can see the tears he holds back or the pain in his eyes every time he looks at me. Sometimes he holds me very close to him because he fears that I’m suddenly going to disappear into thin air. He’s the first person I decided to trust with the secrets I had never told anyone else, […]

How am I?
Funny how no one really asks you that question because they assume that you are fine when in reality you are breaking and crumbling every day and no one notices.
Weird how the fact that, that I’m the first person to ask How I am in some time.
How am I?
Broken.
Shattered.
In pain.
I get more nervous now so I bite my lip, but sometimes it makes it bleed.
I lick my lips a lot more too to try and calm myself down, but sometimes it doesn’t work.
I breathe faster now trying to control my anxiousness around triggers.
Normally […]

I don’t even know how many suicide attempts i’ve had, it only makes things worse when you don’t succeed.

People want to know why, you get sent to specialists and quite frankly, they’re a load of horse sh*t, putting faith in these people isn’t something i feel comfortable with, they don’t want to give you medication and when they do, they give you the wrong one, or they neglect to tell you that it’s addictive.

Right now i’ve got some anti anxiety medication, it’s started to kick in but the only thing it has done is make me want to clean, then  get stressed about mess, i’m […]

I told my girlfriend that im feeling very suicidal but she’s manic and hallucinating and keeps yelling at someone who she says is in her house. JUst the fucking situations I get myself into are horrible and it is like I set myself up for disaster. I don’t know what I am doing with my life anymore.

Next week is prom and I’m going with my boyfriend.  I know thats great and all but after, hes spending the night at my house so he doesn’t have to drive back to his house.  Cause of the distance from mine to his.  Cool, right?  Except the thing is…  I DON’T WANT HIM TO!!!  I don’t know why but I just don’t.  I hate texting, I always have!  Its even to the point where I don’t want to text my boyfriend!  I don’t know much about love but he told me he loves me last night and we already started kissing and I’m not sure […]

I’ve been on here since 2011, but recently made this account after not being on here for 5 months, fresh start 🙂

I come back and Bam! I don’t get this format AT ALL. please help

⊗

Tonight the pain will stop.

I can not  hang on any longer.

It’s hard to bare the pain.

 I’ve lost all hope.

All I see is darkness.

They is no light in my life

 I’ve tried so hard.

To find hope and happiness

Just to face failure in every turn.

I’m lost and broken.

I’m unrepairable.

tomorrow will come.

but i’ll be gone.

⊗

I have started this post a number of times and always find myself deleting everything. My words speak a story that sounds like a pathetic, whiny, “look at me” tale, however, that is not my intention. I simply want to be able to say what I need to say and say it in a way that is an accurate depiction of my thoughts and feelings without someone interrupting me or yelling at me saying, “Everythings going to be ok!” or “Why are you complaining so much?” If I have found myself here, obviously, everything is not ok. If I am complaining, then so be it. […]

I’ve been depressed ever since I was a kid, and I have a family history of suicide, depression, bipolar disorder, and mental breakdowns (although fortunately, no schizophrenia).  I’ve just recently graduated from college and have been in the “working world” for two years.

A few things I’ve learned in my 25 years of living:

No one truly has your interests at heart but you, so “look out for number one”.  Just plan on other people letting you down, because they always will.
Most people are incredibly stupid, have half-thought out opinions, are irredeemably wrong about just about everything, have no interest in discovering/creating a consistent worldview/weltanschauung, and are […]

My Mom’s been dead for almost 5 years this August (heart attack at 53), my Dad’s dead too (Cancer at 56). I’m 34, my birthday is 10 days after Mother’s day. I don’t have anyone from my family left that i care about, but I’m worried about leaving my partner behind, we’ve been together 11 years and i don’t know if he could care for himself. I’ve been thinking about slowly splitting up with him so i could kill myself a while after without worrying about his well being.
Just wish i could get him away, and some where he’ll be ok with out me, […]

I have now concluded the first chapter of my short, indecisive life. The gates to all the winding paths, that had once been closed off to me, have been destroyed and now just their ruins remain isolated in my memory.
Only my body has the power and strength to take me where I am destined to travel. My mind is forbidden to make any more choices. I will not let myself depend on anything but the simplicities of life and the natural beauty of the untouched and untainted wonders.
I now walk whatever path I happen to find myself on, without any pretentious guidance and […]

I’ve never understood the point of this life. When I ask people they often say, “Well, you graduate from college, get a job and start a family.” My only answer is, “And?” What comes after having a family and everything else you’ve worked so hard to obtain?

Death.

If in the end, no matter what we do, we all die, then what is the point of living? For those who believe in afterlife or a heaven after we die maybe life has a meaning. But to someone who doesn’t believe in anything, what’s the point? There are more than 7.046 billion people on earth. Millions of people are […]

I love this song. I wonder who’s talking though.

i know i ve vowed never to come back here but here i am. i feel so empty. i just dont have anything to live for and i ve got great expectations. but this feelings is rendering me useless. cus anytime i actually impress myself with something, its always not good enough for them. they feel i could do better so they conden my every efforts. but how am i going to do better when i always feeling useless.

Sleeping is awesome.Waking up and realizing how much does this world suck is what I don’t like.If death is like eternal sleep then I have nothing to fear but I still am very scared.Fear of death is probably the only reason why I didn’t kill myself.

I thought I had life figured out, but I don’t. I’m so tired of people telling me that getting good grades or graduating from college takes away the pain of empty or loneliness; it doesn’t. I’ve graduated twice now and I can’t feel happy and it doesn’t bring me joy. I used to have this awesome imagination and I used to believe that anything was possible, but the devil has taken that away from me. And yes I believe in God, I always have. I know he is powerful and mighty and I know he is working for someone, but the devil has definitely kept […]

what the fuck? chemicals affect behavior? no fucking way, the data is wrong, the scientists are stupid. look, here is the truth: what do BABIES do? fucking nothing. then when they hurt, they start crying screaming hellfire torture. they don’t DO anything, except scream when they hurt. babies KNOW the TRUTH. everything you do is LEARNED, it is sensed through PERCEPTION. a blind baby cannot see, so they CANNOT perceive things through eyes, so functionally sight is a LIE to them. they are TOLD that others can see, they have NO WAY of knowing except for your words to them. everything is LEARNED, everything is […]

Following my 3rd suicide attempt, a couple of years ago now, I was asked to take part in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy through my doctor’s surgery. I’d never heard of it and to be perfectly honest, at that time I was so far down into not caring that I suddenly found myself being an outpatient at Positive Steps.

During the early days, I was sure that it was going to be such a waste of time given that they could only offer me 20 sessions at the maximum and come on, I had had 20+ years of slowing being consumed by the negative impact my disability had […]

I’ve been waiting for years, for just a little bit of peace in my life. I have been trying to find my way, to make different decisions to help better my life. I have cut out a lot of negative people from my life, and despite having done that I’m still not happy not even a little. It feels like I’m in some sort of in between, sometimes I look up and see my life and wonder how I got here. I started crying again because I just don’t understand why I can’t find peace. I can’t stop loving or missing people from my past, […]

Every morning I wake up and it’s the same: I’m still alive. Sometime I wake up and cry, other times I sit up and hold in the pain afraid my mother or brother will notice it. Some days I don’t get up. I skip school and lie in bed looking at the ceiling or sleeping, trying to escape reality. I hear as my mother walks into my room and asks worriedly if I think it’s normal to stay in bed all day and all I can do is nod. I don’t have the strength to get out of bed and face life. All I can […]