Everything is piling up on me, and it seems like when I get one issue sorted out, there are 5 new ones added to the queue. I quit both of my jobs earlier this year with the intent to move to Boston, but I got mono (for the THIRD time…how is that even possible???) and I ended up having to scratch any semblance of moving plans. I just got my old job at a cafe back, and though the majority of the staff missed me, it seems like everything is harder for me. Not physically. Something is itching at the back of my brain. There’s […]
I used to think it was SSRI’s. The Lexapro, Paxil, Lexapro doing it to me. I would have these dreams that I could not separate from reality. My therapist at the time told me it was lucid dreaming because at some point in the dream I would be able to say this is not real and wake up. The problem is I don’t take an SSRI anymore so it worries me that I can still dream this way. Am I going crazy? Sometimes I feel like I can’t even separate my dreams from reality. I wake up crying saying someone has passed away or my […]
When I look in the mirror,
I don’t see me
I see failure and no beauty,
I see ugliness and sorrow
I used to be so happy
A bubbly joyful girl
I used to be excited for school and my friends
Â
Now I dread seeing myself
I fear breakfast and tea
I know my friends watch me
To make sure that I eat
They scan my arms everyday
Checking for new cuts
Their faces falling at the sight of crusted blood
I know they’re disappointed
I see it in their eyes
Some seem to understand
Some over-react
Some look disgusted when I show them the scars
Â
Long sleeve t-shirts are the new ‘in thing’ for me
Jeans with pockets to hide my fingers
Rough […]
I feel like I’m falling back to my old habbits. The last weeks I started to take more and more control about eating and exercising. My life’s turning again about (not) eating and exercising and trying to hide it all. But I’m fine with it, because my life is a little bit more bearable now, and I have sometimes a little happy moment (if I lost some weight or had a good exercise). And I know it’s unhealthy and stuff, but it’s keeping me from suicide, so that’s a good thing, right? And I’m going to be more happy with my body. I love the […]
As frustrating as this back-and-forth bullshit is, today is one of the days I’m glad I didn’t decide to end it (I think). Rainy mornings followed by a world that is glistening, new, and ripe with new life. I feel partially inclined to watch because I’m wont to do that, but something deep inside of me screams to make myself part of it. New life.
Isn’t this always how it starts? Mystification –> disenchantment –> disappointment.
I don’t know which part of myself to give in to. Let myself be happy for a bit, give in wholly, and hope? Give in partially, so later on I don’t […]
I want to hear this when I die
Each morning I wake up and imagine the barrel of a revolver pressed against my head.
If I had a gun. I would pull that trigger.
I don’t have a gun. So I sit up and cry.
I’m trying to keep myself self for my mum and dad
 but it getting harder to do so
I wish this feeling could go away and stay away
I NEED HELP
but sometimes I cart see way
I’ve tried and tried but the feeling never goes away
As you can see I’m still here.I’m doing worser than I was the last time I came on.On the bright side right now when I was trying to get the razor outta the shave thingy I cut the shit out of my thumb!!Talk about bleeding,not In the mode to cut anymore.Does anyone even care??Is anyone even reading this??If SP had followers would I even have edleast five followers??Nope.I “never” have nothing Important to say.Who the fuck Is Carlos??Am I the only one who says there name on here??See what I mean,nothing Important.Dude I’m just another face feeding these uglys out here,why you think I’m up […]
Every night I go to sleep suicidal. Every morning I wake up fine. But what type of life is that?
a memory so long ago
possibly the earliest sign of trouble
i was in junior baseball leagueÂ
played left field
a large pickup drove into the park
it swerved left and right
everyone ran with their kid/friend – i didn’t
i stared blankly almost longinglyÂ
it could run me over – Â so what
if i was wanted then  somebody would save me
How to not care?
How to not care?
How to not care?
sorry
but
How to not care?
Can you be ignorant and care also ?
I can’t sleep, my eyes refuse to close cause that’s the only way I can hear your voice.
This new outlook, specifically for the homepage, the new way our posts are formatted in a “cluster”……… As a personal reader to the website, I always go through every posts that are on here. This new formation of clustering, to me, makes it overwhelming, and the appeal as a reader has gone down. The old homepage format, by all means, I think should remain the same. Everything else is cool, though. Thank you.
Just change everything back to normal actually. Lol. But leave the cool design thing in the background. Aw yeah.
I hate life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very boring, and especially nowadays become only very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, creative Art, basically human’s IMAGINATION & fantasy is often/always a hundred times FAR much more interesting & better than this sad, mundane, boring, superficial, & very LIMITING life / world / reality ??…
does God (if there is indeed one…!) play such a cruel sick joke for especially creating human’s IMAGINATION inside our heads?? .. especially often the very creative, artistic, […]
I’m tired of being here, and tired of saying how tired I am of being longer. Â I no longer have the motivation to try to improve.
So I don’t know if anyone on here is good at reading what dreams mean, but this is a really REALLY weird one that I had a few months ago (I had written it down when I woke up) and it involves the Holocaust, Ashley Purdy, and self harm. I am Hebrew (that’s the nationality Jew is the religion and I’m Christian not Jewish, but I had family members die in the Holocaust) and have struggled with self harm since the 2nd grade. I have also been a fan of Black Veil Brides since 2008 and Ashley Purdy is actually my least favourite of the […]
So I just found this website o whatever today and I guess I thought it would be a good way to right the things I can’t say out loud to anyone even though I know no one will probably read this. I’ve been depressed for the last 5 years and I finally decided to see a psychologist about it since my self harm problem has started up again and my suicidal thoughts have been getting stronger. The only problem is my mom, I can’t tell her why i want to see a psychologist because she’d freak and never let me leave the house alone ever […]
Yes I am a cutter it’s how I deal with certain major problems a few months ago my life was going great now it’s taken a turn for the wiser my emotions are like a land mine and it dosent take much to trigger them if you don’t know me by now I’m Jason or Day whichever you want to call me is fine. I have been suicidal at a very young age and it’s only gotten worse I have drank so many chemicals in attempts to a true release but all have failed I always end up throwing the chemicals back up i am […]
Sorry, just bookmarking this change in SP History. (Edit this later)
Um, LOOK IT’S LIL’ FUCKUP!
*Runs Away*