Today i mocked some begging and i am feeling quite confident. How i will approach them, how i will stand there without saying a word, how i won’t look towards the content but only towards the giver when they put something in my bowl. Its the blessing giving part i have trouble with. I have low pitch/hoarse/unclear voice. They won’t be able hear specific words if i bless them in lower tone. Saying blessings loud won’t suit the calm, quiet nature i presented earlier. Normal saying won’t do because he afterall did a favor to me, how i can return it without showing some difference […]

back to my homeplace and I do not the feelings I should. I am not excited or even remotely happy about it. I am frightened. I have the usual, “common”, yet unrealistic anxiety about the actual flight itself. Its the other things I am worried about too. About running out of medication, about having an anxiety attack, about not being able to sleep, about having alcohol, about losing my mind by not having routine, not doing enjoyable activities, having to lie about who I am because my family won’t accept me. I took the vacation in the first place because I needed to escape my […]

I was wondering if any of you people would like to talk, as I said In my previous post, I’m lonely and Talking to some new people would help.

I’m just wondering what will happen if you go to hospital for having an overdose?

Please know that you were my biggest fail and the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I miss the old days. You won’t admit it, but I know you do too. Or maybe that’s’what I like to tell myself… You were dead inside for so long already, and I was a fool for hoping I could ever fix you. You walked out of my life like you didn’t consider the impact you had on me during the last year of school. It was the best one of them all, because I was not actually bullied, and I had you. You kept me going when […]

Its coming up to 4-years sense we lost you bro I miss you so much, So much as happened in that time most off it as been for the bad after you died watching you take your last breath killed me inside.  it was not long before you Nan and Granddad went I’ve lost so many loved ones I could no longer cope with day to day I lost so much my job my home most off my mates don’t want know anymore and the man I was meant to marry but life like that it gives and takes just seems it takes more […]

I am screwing up my life for no reason. I just feel like the way I was living was not getting me anywhere, so I decided to drop college and live my life on the road. But I am so fucking scared. I need someone to do this with me. Because if I continue living this life, in which I have to be always high to get trough a day, I will go mad. My life right now doesn’t make me wanna do better. I don’t need happiness. In fact, I kinda want to be miserable, because I am too scared that I really messed […]

The sound of darkness. A grapefruit. Devour, and kill me.

One day. After we walk to eternity.

A walking soul of iron armor. Undead, in celibacy to Celestial.

I am, that I am.

Devour me. Kill me. Me and you, to infinity.

… how much I hurt my ex, I feel suicidal.

I feel like if I were dead that things would be better.  Yes, I know this is irrational… but, some part of me feels that if I didn’t exist anymore, that she wouldn’t be sad about me not being with her.

::sigh::

Abra. The sound of peace.
A Gengar, in a speed of chaos.
Cosmic Cain, and Cosmic Abel.
Humanity. Oh, humanity.
Chapter one of God, yet to be written.
The New Age Bible, speak of today’s devil.
There once was a crusade. Long, long ago.
The belief lost, but a child to believe.
The story… Of the unknown.

God; resuscitate, in the name of Death.
Chapter One, of God.

.. “Chained,” there once was an iron horse. He was born, in the world of Cain. Wishing, for only to rest.

I tried so, but nothing worked properly.I don’t mind, not anymore.I did everything I could, I did my best but it wasn’t enough.I’m not mad.I’m ok.I know it’s not my fault.I’m so small.I’m just a tiny stupid spot in this infinitely big and stupid universe.I’ll commit suicide.I’m not the first and I won’t be the last one.I’m just a me.I’ll be just one more.I recognize my smallness and my insignificance and I accept them with a stupid smile on my face. 🙂

I know that my life has become pure suffering, all my dreams, all my fears, all the passion and all the devotion are now smashed into shards.However, I started to remember everything with joy and nostalgia … my memories are coming back in flashes : the way I used to sit and stare at a tree; the taste of my favourite ice cream; how funny it was to play with my friends in my childhood…
I’ve lived for so long.17 years.It’s curious to think that there are people who want to live for 100 years, and I’m unhappy enough with 17.It was a life.I’ve […]

I’m just so fucking confused. Where do I fit in life. I’m a 15 year old girl. I have no more friends my grades are horrible and I have developed bad socail anxiety. I feel like I can’t be myself around people. I’m just trapped in what people expect me to be. I’m so tired of being a dissapointment just because I want to be me. Now I just turn into a different person around people to please them and I’m tierd of it. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and after highschool my grades aren’t good enough to go […]

She cried in her own hands, asking what did she do to deserve this much pain. This pain has been stuck inside her for too long, too long for her to believe that this is the punishment for something she has done wrong. But then she thought  for no more than a second before realizing, ” I don’t  deserve this, I deserve better!”

For every single person who is suffering from internal pain, we deserve better than this.

No person should have to endure such hurt. We are all human, born sinners, who have a lifetime to make things right.

If you are anything like me – someone […]

I’ve been depressed on and off for about four years. I was in love with a good guy friend of mine. He moved away for a year and began dating his childhood best friend. About a year later I met a guy I liked. He was smart and funny in a dorky way. Things got complicated and it didn’t work out. This is when I first began to experience my depression. I listened to music most of the time, slept long hours, and neglected my homework and chores. I became a recluse. For months I was in a haze, but one day I snapped out […]

it’s an interesting genre of music, but this is my favorite song within it.

As a sufferer of bad GAD and social anxiety, having to ride the bus out to college was extremely stressful and at times distressing as my anxiety would flare up real bad. But this song helped me at least enjoy the view out the window in the early morning with the sun painting the sky a brilliant orange. Unless it was winter. Then the sky was shitty and black.

Lol, well, I hope you at least enjoy this song.

Hello,

Unlike most people here my situation is not critical…

I have no friends, But not because of my personality or anything, I just dont talk to people alot, I’m affraid to talk to people. So most of my days I’m sitting here, alone, listening to the radio or watching TV. Nobody Called me for christmas or my birthday…

As for “suicide” well, I’ve been thinking about it for a good year or so.

Everynight it was “Should I do it ?” And of course, I ended up falling asleep, Or I decided not to do it.

I actually “wanna Die” because I think it’ll be easier than to have […]

what went wrong babygirl

Oh its been so long
So very very long
Since the last time
I talked to you
About everything thats going on
I know I’ve been vague
I’ve been mysterious
But I have to keep things
Feelings thoughts etc
From you
So you don’t worry about me
But maybe it’s time
Time to tell you how I am.
How am I?
Physically?
Sore.
I feel broken.
I’ve got a few scars.
Yeah from that.
I don’t know how to cope.
I thought I could manage
I guess not.
How am I?
Mentally?
Terrible.
Awful.
Horrible.
Every day criticism.
Yelling.
Slapping.
One of my lights went […]