This world is a dreadful, putrid place, where parents destroy the hearts of children, babies are stolen and murdered, schools are shot to shit, people are belittled and berated, and innocent animals are tortured. I often ask myself what happened, why has the world come to this? And people don’t even take notice to the horrors of the world, it is like they are blind. They say ignorance is bliss and I suppose it is. I watch people and I think of squirrels, they run around so blissful and free, unaware of the impending doom of the approaching car. We are not blind. I have […]

I’m a twenty two year old girl, no I am not a lesbian, nor am I bi-sexual. I am however trapped in the closet. My plastic bag over the head method failed me for the last time. I couldn’t control my body from ripping out of the handcuffs and ripping the bag off of my face. Sheer willpower wasn’t cutting it.
So, I’m trapped in the closet. Its a tiny closet that I’ve locked myself inside and am hoping to pass away in. If I’m lucky I won’t be awakened to my sad life in the morning. If I’m lucky this small, tight limited oxygenated […]

I don’t really know what I’m doing here…  Am I just seeking ways to escape reality?  Or am I just trying to find someone who will listen?  Maybe both, I don’t know.  But what I do know is that I’m tired of being invisible to people.  My main issue is I’m a passive aggressive type of person, so I won’t fight back if someone picks on or bullies me.  Which is also an issue because, since I’m passive aggressive people like to pick on me.  I’ve been abandoned by my friends so many times that its hard for me to get close to people and […]

I look at what choices i have. i can let it take me under or fight back. ive fought for a decade or more. my insides are shutting down like its preparing for the worst. ive researched meds that can be lethal. i look one last time and ask myself who is out there to care for someone like me. im on my death bed but im the captain. im ready.

i hate my life, it sucks, everything goes wrong but i guess im skipping a bit too far ahead so here from the start; when i was a little girl my mom and dad split up, he cheated we never spoke they never spoke, growing up he wasent there they never bothered then when i was about 7 he appeared again started wanting to see us we did an had frequent contact this was amazing, i never got along with his wife, i hated her and she had a strong opinion on me, this made it hard to see my dad again , again we […]

I wrote this song for the broken people out there.
It’s been posted in mp3 format on sp, but for those who may need encouragement, or for those who may just need to feel that someone cares, this song is for you.
You can always comment, or drop me a line. On my chanel is also a song called in this world, of which has been posted on this site as well, and you can check that one out as well, if you would like.
brl.cents@gmail.com

There is black hole that lives inside me.
It slowly takes away everything. It slowly got bigger and bigger and I feel emptier and emptier. I can feel it crushing my bones, pushing and squeezing my organs.
I don’t remember how I got infected or if it was always there. But now I am filled with emptiness. I know what happiness is, I understand it and I know I will never feel it. There is nothing in this world that I want or that could stop my black hole from devouring me.
I only remember a routine I am suppose to follow to fit in […]

Yep, subject says it all.
I can’tseem to do anything right. From making friends, to caring about my family, yep, I fail.

I got in a fight with my younger brother, and well, I’m not too violent, but I hit the punk. If I can hit a sibling of mine, how will I treat my future wife or kids? I’d rather not think about that. When I make friends, they always seemed to be troubled, and in the end, bring me down. I feel so awfull, because I can’t even save them. If it is not possible for me to save anyone in life, why […]

I didn’t successfully attempt my suicide last night. I had my beers and accidentally got too drunk, threw up, and fell asleep. I have all of the basic materials to complete my task. A bag and rope for restraint, is what its come down too. I’ve tried so many methods in the past that I clearly failed at. I’m so disappointed that I’m even writing this now and not just murdering myself.

I just need the sheer willpower to withstand the agony involved with asphyxiation. I’ll have it soon..

i was really depressed almost 2 years ago. i would cry my eyes out every evening, and hope that the next cut would end everything. but that didn’t happen. i called that stage “sick” so if i talk about the times i was depressed, i would say:”when i was sick”. so a couple of weeks ago it was a casual morning, when this girl that used to be my best friend but now we both hate each other, came up to me and started yelling. than in class my teacher made me feel like shit, and worthless. i just kept my mouth shut. i actually […]

I don’t know where to go from here. Last night my mother found my instagram page. It had nothing bad on it but she freaked out. Look at my account is Mozar121. Anyways then she wanted to all of my accounts to everything, my email, facebook, everything and when I told her no she didn’t like that and told me to move out. I said I will if that means I don’t have to see you and then I was walking out the door when my dad showed up. We talked for a while which I never do but I told him somethings I’ve never […]

Dear SP friends,

I’m sick and tired of being the good girl. I’m sick and tired of pretending to be perfect. Everyone expects from me good grades, nice dicipline, appropriate language and hopeful thoughts..

But that’s not me. I’m losing myself there. Nobody feels how I feel. It’s so hard to go through the teenage years nowadays. Social anxiety overwhelms me.

What should I do finally?

i am truly sorry if my last post offended you.i never meant to offend you.well its been two or three weeks since i tried and commit suicide. i feel so stupid because i tried because of just some fvcking stupid shit that i did and because she wants to be really mean and say everything ismy fault when it never was. now i understand what parents mea by if she loves or cares about you she wouldn’t want to hurt you.

I have no gripe with the basic design of the animal known Homo sapiens. It has an impressive free range of motion, adaptability, fingers which allow it to perform delicate tasks as well as arms which provide strength, and it has a brain that is capable of some logic as well as emotional thoughts. And while not quite as impressive in this regard as, say, Canis lupus familiaris (the dog), it has some capacity for selflessness and dedication to things other than itself.

On an individual basis, Homo sapiens is a decent design. But when people start acting like people, that’s when this decent design falls […]

Little girl, broken and bruised.
Carefully pulling off her ruse.
With sweaters and long sleeves it’s no problem to hide.
These feelings she feels so deep inside.
The people around her can’t see the darkness, only the light.
She smiles and laughs just like she should.
But she misses her childhood.
Pigtails and pretty pink bows.
Old oak trees and rainbows.
This little girl, the world is scared to know.
Has come to see that the world is the last place you want to know.
People pushed her right to the edge, now she’s found her small metal friend.
Veins are blue,
Blood is red.

I’ve thought about it many times, especially those sleepless nights, the drum beating inside the dark recess of my mind.

After the first attempt of 12 pills, then 24 pills, I decided to wake up and attend college both times I woke up from those failures.

I’ve been reading up a lot about Buddhism and about reincarnation or rebirth, and I was wondering and contemplated.

With everything that I’ve been through, and for me to cut my life short thinking that hell would probably be a better place to be in I realized, if I cop out now I’ll probably have to go through this entire experience again, […]

Do you ever wake up feeling like today is going to be another bad day? Thinking that nothing will change, that it will just be this daily routine of negative thoughts and feelings in Your head? Well maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But me…well this is only just the frosting to the cake.

all My life I’ve felt like i don’t belong anywhere i go. Whether it is family, school friends, outside of school friends, sporting teams, swimming squad, whatever. Ive always felt this sense of isolation and separation from the others. At first, when I was 5, it didn’t matter to me, I just […]

There was a chill in the wind that night, one like no other.
The darkness made it hard for sight, but I didn’t know it mattered.
The strength of your grip, the frame of your stature;
As you grabbed my hips, before I knew it I was captured.
You forced yourself on me, along with your touch.
I pleaded for you to stop, but you still wouldn’t get off.
You were too strong and heavy, I couldn’t get you off top;
With your hand over my mouth, I kept screaming stop.
My throat went dry, I couldn’t scream.
I tried and tried, but the harder […]

This is the Easter Season (50 days of Easter….it doesn’t begin and end on Easter Sunday).

I’ve been a Christian all of my life.  And I am here to tell you that NO act of suicide is cowardice….it takes a strong person to overcome the natural instinct for self preservation and move on to the next life.

I’m 59 years old and I do NOT, for ONE SECOND, buy into the fundamentalist concept of hell.  I was raised Southern Baptist and by the grace of God found the Episcopal Church in my early 40’s…after decades of self hate inflicted on me by the SBC.  I didn’t develop suicidal ideation […]