my friend left me.. come back. i get it

seriously

Hello, this is Justin. I have been reading something’s here and there. I haven’t posted cause I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I found a couple different comments from people asking about me and looking for an update. Well I am alive. What happened was I didn’t go through with it. I called the police myself and they came over. The fire department took me to the hospital. I was there for a couple weeks. I have been out just over a month. I am trying. And that’s about it. I don’t want to get too deep into it all, […]

i got a job at mcds today… baby steps

I’m really just tired of living… I constantly mess things up, I have no motivation anymore the only reason I’m still alive is because of music but now a days that doesn’t even help. I’m a constant disappointment to my parents… I’m three years ahead of my actual grade in school. And it’s still not enough. My mother thinks I’m a disappointment just because I listen to rock music and she’s constantly saying how I’m her mess up. I just simply don’t care about life anymore. And I know it would be cruel to my friends and family to do this but it’s the only […]

So very alone. So very sick.

I’m running out of hope, and maybe that’s not the worst thing.

I’m sitting on my couch, in my underwear, after binging on food. I’m still binging on food. I feel disgusting and overwhelmed, surrounded by the grime of my house, a house I’m unable to care for no matter what I do.

I don’t know if it’s right for me to write here. What if I trigger someone to go through with their own suicide? It’s difficult to stop obsessively caring.

I don’t know if I can stay alive much longer. I don’t know if it’s right for me to. Some people […]

That moment when you are finally getting over your depression and someone comes along as says “you’re messed up in the head” Just what I wanted to hear.

1. Try to fit in. If successful, hooray. Skip the rest of this manual and have a wonderful damned life.

2. If you don’t fit in, try harder.

3. If you come to the realization that you can’t fit in, that you are flawed or damaged, or even more astutely if you realize that the world itself is flawed and damaged beyond your ability to tolerate it, then pull up a seat and read the rest of this manual.

4. Convince yourself that you are the problem. This certainly won’t fix anything, nor will it make your life any more bearable, but it may distract you enough to […]

If I accept myself and my life- will that stop me from not trying to solve my Major Problem that’s causing me a great deal of shame and sense of worthlessness?

If I don’t, won’t that just make me forever miserable?

When my efforts fail and fail and nothing gets better, of course I want to end it all.

Then something may snap me out of that mood, but it is only temporary.

Because my efforts will still fail and fail and for as long as they fail will I have no hope and for as long as there is now hope will I want to leave…

Yet if I […]

I sometimes miss what could have been- some people wont get that and wonder how I could miss something I’ve never experienced first hand, but I guess you don’t really need to understand it. My life is too full of what ifs, maybes, and day dreams of what I want myself and my life to be like. I think I stopped trying to live “here” a long time ago, I live in my head now because facing what is right in front of me is too painful. I cringe at the thought of acknowledging  my life, both past and present. Yet I am obsessed with […]

So..today I had a panic attack in the middle of second period today..I hate it, I hate having anxiety. I know others must hate it too, it like ruins things so know I m on meds to control it but my dose needs to be higher cause it isn’t working anymore and my anxiety is back like it was before without them..Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh meh meh*dying whale noises* I also have bipolar disorder meh and borderline personality disorder..Meh *More dying whale noises* But if everyone else can ‘live’ with it I can too :/

Goodbye friends and people I may not know but I will be here if you need to speak just email me at melissawitch@hotmail.co.uk I will try my hardest to help you all out no matter what just give me that email and I will be here for you even if you want to rant at me I will listen to you and be here and any problems just tell me I know how depression is and loosing someone dearly to you but I must leave this site sorry to say I love this site and all the people on here the makers and the people […]

I don’t even have anything to post anymore. I’m just done

I’m slipping off the edge again, I feel like every where i turn it’s gonna be another round of how to tear down the weird girl. It’s like they only come after me and I don’t know why. I don’t understand why it is such a bad thing to be different from the others. Why should it matter that I like a lot of eyeliner, or that the bottom half of my hair is a different color every two weeks. why should it matter to anyone? It’s not like my actions have a direct cause on your life. It’s not like I plan my life […]

The famous poem goes

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

But I can’t say I agree. I refuse to “whimper” out. Never have and never will. I haven’t always won my battles (Christ knows I haven’t), I haven’t always fought bravely against my enemies. But I’ve NEVER rolled over and taken it.

And Life is my greatest enemy. I will not roll over and take it, like so many […]

The honest truth:

We all have felt like we don’t matter, that no one is listening to word you say.
We all have seen and heard what words can do, with the cuts and deaths.
The people around world, we’ve seen the horror,
The romance, and the heartache of it all.
The kids, the teens, the almost adults, young to the old

Yeah, we’ve seen the world go round ever so slowly.
The world that you and me live in
Don’t we get a say?, in this life we live?
We don’t get a choice from left or the right
They’ll tell me, and they except me […]

I stared at my sister laying on the ground, her pale white hands on her throat gasping for breath; my baby sister that was naturally tanner than me was pale and bleeding out from both her wrists and her throat. I didn’t even realize it but I was screaming and I couldn’t stop. I screamed for my sister that was now bleeding on to the tan carpet, I screamed for the fear that was over coming my whole body.

“Dad! Dad! Daddy!” then came the […]

I sat down on the bench and looked up at the sky.

A cloud moved in front of the sun to provide some shade and cool an otherwise warm day. A couple birds passed overhead, and a light breeze ruffled the leaves of the nearby trees.

I was waiting for the bus to arrive. I had picked this bus route specifically. It promised to arrive at the destination quickly, although it might be a bit of an uncomfortable trip. I did my research thoroughly, and this was the best route I could find. I had been planning this trip for years, perhaps a few too many. The […]

I’ve recently been told that I could possibly have bipolar disorder. I looked it up, and it sounds similar to what I experience. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told that I have some sort of depression, I’ve heard friends talk about me or even tell me to my face that I should get it checked out. I always try to look my best and happiest when I’m around others but sometimes it apparently either looks too fake and they know something is wrong or they just catch me off guard. I have mood swings, but I’m 17! I thought that was normal. […]

I remember looking into the mirror and being disgusted at the pitiful, worthless person I saw before me. I loathed myself, everything about myself. I was fearful of the world around me and felt suffocated by the pain that I had endured. My life meant nothing, I was nothing.
Now I sit here reading all of these posts, all of these reflections of me and my heart bleeds. I remember not so long ago feeling this way. Planning my death and thinking about how my suicide would be successful this time around if I did it this way or that way.
After something particularly devastating […]