I’m so overstrung, that even doing a small thing is too much. Even going out of bed, eating and dress myself is already too much on a day. If i do a little bit more, such as playing a game with my mom, walking a little while or having a therapy session, I’m completely broken after it. And the following three days I can’t do anything, because I’m so tired overstrung by that one activity I did. Really makes me sick, that I just can’t do a single activity. How will I ever get better then?
I have a dilemma. A dilemma that makes me doubt my reasons for wanting to die sometimes.
1) I feel a certain fear towards actually going through with it. Which makes me feel like a coward. Does it make me one?
2) Some would say I (we) am a coward for thinking about suicide, for not standing up to life and it’s challenges.
Am I? Are we? Which one is it?
Feeling lost,
PURPLEPAIN
Method : ******** gas using exit bag.
Believe it or not I have implants, the schizophrenic kind…voices but also complete control of my motor functions. Also hi-tech nanobots both in my brain acting as neurotransmitters to control mood (permant suicidal feelings), and in my body to electrocute me. if these don’t make you kill yourself, what will?
Got the ******** tank and even drilled hooks into wall to restrain me, given I’m a robot (fuck!), even had neck restraint planned. Tried to inhale for 25 second out of inflated eit bag, and didn’t even feel light headed. It’s SUPPOSSED to knock me out after just five seconds! […]
But sometimes it takes self sacrafice for a better of a world .or family to see that as long as you do things with a pure heart .you are above mans law …but maybe the madera county probation dept will think about my loss and my story that will not die .when I do ..FATHER I MISS U AND IM COMING HOME TODAY …IF ITS YOUR WILL..what I do in spirit was to full fill ur survival. …
I’ve decided to create an account today, because it is my final attempt to have my voice heard. Efforts will be made to console and reassure me that the world of hell that I’ve been imprisoned in for twenty-two years is worth living; I’m beyond approach. I’m a girl who was born into a highly dysfunctional family, to a mother who showed nothing more than apathy towards me, to a fatherless home. That’s not why I’m here. My upbringing didn’t bring me to the place that I’m at right now.
My mother died when I was in twelfth grade and the depression and underlying psychological […]
I’ve always been the caring person who was always there for others.
Yet that has been haunting me.
Somehow because of that people end on blaming me.
I’ve been used by people for just anything whenever they were done with my help they ditched me until they needed me again.
Can someone help me changing that?
Information please
Oh why, oh why
Must our loved ones tear us apart
Oh why, oh why
Do they not take us to heart
Sorrow and guilt
Shall haunt their minds
Sorrow and guilt
Until the end of time
Cold, dark death
Please grace this poor soul
Cold, dark death
Beg you; consume me whole
Frozen In Time
Why do i always make such a mess of everything, best friend yeah she hates my guts right now because of something small i did, , my bf has made me feel im unworthy of love and my parents constantly express their disappointment in me. Everything i try to do i mess up or screws up for me, why should i even bother.
the only thing multiple overdoses, slicing my body to shreds And smacking my head against walls has done is bring negativity. any problems of insecurity I had have gotten worse from the amount of scars I have and the vomiting has fucked my body shape. the overdosing has made me get sick often and feel “not all there”.
not only is my physical body suffering from that but my soul is to. The more you lose the battle the more of yourself you lose… And all I can say is from the time I’ve spent reading, meditating.. this isn’t as bad as it gets.. I can […]
Little girls, little boys, crying in the corner why can’t you see?
the words written on your skin.
These the words that make you bleed.
they make it so no one wins or succeeds.
All alone in the world, that’s how you see.
that’s how it might be.
So sacred, you want to be left alone.
but it’s so addicting, the things we can create.
The words written, the words hidden.
under jeans and sweaters too big.
this is the life we live.
The cuts, the red lines so addicting
the days so stressful, and cruel
Parents screams, telling you what’s wrong with you.
our only escape, […]
I should be careful and not come here too often…
I’ve been quite depressed, lacking hope and feeling generally worthless yadda yadda, uninspired to do anything but wallow in self pity.
Being so full of hate that I even learned how to tie a noose.
That made me feel better.
Because although we can all theoretically end it all when we want, it is often quite difficult. Not everyone has handy drugs in the closet. Some will just have to do it the tried and true old school way.
So it’s not always comforting enough to think: well hold on one more day because you can always end it, because […]
I’m scared, I want my mommy here with me, holding my dear.
So alone in the dark again; they won’t tell me what happened.
The people around me are crying and sobbing, and I don’t know what to do.
They say be brave
They say you’ll be missed.
They say not to be like you, but I don’t understand why.
I cry because I know that I can’t see you; at least that’s what they say
I cry because I can’t get you back, I want you back.
I cry because it was your choice to leave, why mommy?
I don’t understand did I do something […]
So why does it feel like I am? Outwardly I try so damn hard every single day to make them smile, to make you smile. My only thoughts are of yours, my sweet Maria. When I turn inward, numbness is all. None of this is your fault.
I have been distant all my life. Not ugly, or fat, or picked on in any way. I separated myself from others as a matter of course. We had no connection, whatever they felt around me was lost on me. Social cues, meaningless, friendships, tossed aside. I care about nothing. I’m watching my fingers type and know that this […]
Tell me about a good place.
A place where I can be me
The weird, crazy me
The one with red stained hair
But my days seem to blend
Wake up, get out of bed.
look at myself in the mirror again.
Hate myself, love myself I don’t know what to do.
Get dressed, put on a mask.
Smile, and pretend
Wanting my world to end.
why can’t these people see?
I’m not the me I want to be
People speak, words that bring me down.
But it’s just another day.
Another day of feeling hated.
Another day of the same old, same old.
Why can’t […]
Hello I am a 19 year old girl and feel so terribly scared. I am currently in a clinic. I am no longer with my family because they abused me. I just wanna die. I feel so terribly alone. Every second, every minute, all I ever see is fear and feel pain. The people here in the clinic are nice but I feel like they don’t understand me. Besides they don’t seem to know how to deal with me. I have panick attacks all the time and my body jerks whilst I remember horrible memories in my head which I just can’t turn off. My […]
Seriously considering the charcoal method suicide..read about it online..it seems like the most painless way to go.
Is anybody here from the Philippines?..
I’ve been struggling for so long now. The depression started at age 13 and never ceases. At age 17 I attempted suicide and after nearly needing a liver transplant, I survived. I committed to give it several more years to see if it gets better. It doesn’t.
My life is easier than 99% of the world. I wish I could take my life and let a North Korean have my opportunity. I’m fairly good looking, smart, and athletic; but I never cease wishing I were dead. I know I was happy as a kid, but I can’t really remember it. It’s been so long. Many people […]
She says I never had it
This dark cloud above my head
Because the pills didn’t make it better
It’s all inside my head
Of course it’s in my head I say
Depression isn’t just chemical imbalance
It’s a mentality
A way of living
A way that’s mine forever
Just get over it
You’ve got nothing to be depressed about
Just think happy thoughts
And tell us if you’re going to hurt yourself
Your words hurt more than any blade
No razor on earth can amount to the pain
Your words have caused me
It’s not a simple scratch
There’s no pretending it’s not there
……I’m in a good mood now…somethings wrong