I didn’t successfully attempt my suicide last night. I had my beers and accidentally got too drunk, threw up, and fell asleep. I have all of the basic materials to complete my task. A bag and rope for restraint, is what its come down too. I’ve tried so many methods in the past that I clearly failed at. I’m so disappointed that I’m even writing this now and not just murdering myself.

I just need the sheer willpower to withstand the agony involved with asphyxiation. I’ll have it soon..

i was really depressed almost 2 years ago. i would cry my eyes out every evening, and hope that the next cut would end everything. but that didn’t happen. i called that stage “sick” so if i talk about the times i was depressed, i would say:”when i was sick”. so a couple of weeks ago it was a casual morning, when this girl that used to be my best friend but now we both hate each other, came up to me and started yelling. than in class my teacher made me feel like shit, and worthless. i just kept my mouth shut. i actually […]

I don’t know where to go from here. Last night my mother found my instagram page. It had nothing bad on it but she freaked out. Look at my account is Mozar121. Anyways then she wanted to all of my accounts to everything, my email, facebook, everything and when I told her no she didn’t like that and told me to move out. I said I will if that means I don’t have to see you and then I was walking out the door when my dad showed up. We talked for a while which I never do but I told him somethings I’ve never […]

Dear SP friends,

I’m sick and tired of being the good girl. I’m sick and tired of pretending to be perfect. Everyone expects from me good grades, nice dicipline, appropriate language and hopeful thoughts..

But that’s not me. I’m losing myself there. Nobody feels how I feel. It’s so hard to go through the teenage years nowadays. Social anxiety overwhelms me.

What should I do finally?

i am truly sorry if my last post offended you.i never meant to offend you.well its been two or three weeks since i tried and commit suicide. i feel so stupid because i tried because of just some fvcking stupid shit that i did and because she wants to be really mean and say everything ismy fault when it never was. now i understand what parents mea by if she loves or cares about you she wouldn’t want to hurt you.

I have no gripe with the basic design of the animal known Homo sapiens. It has an impressive free range of motion, adaptability, fingers which allow it to perform delicate tasks as well as arms which provide strength, and it has a brain that is capable of some logic as well as emotional thoughts. And while not quite as impressive in this regard as, say, Canis lupus familiaris (the dog), it has some capacity for selflessness and dedication to things other than itself.

On an individual basis, Homo sapiens is a decent design. But when people start acting like people, that’s when this decent design falls […]

Little girl, broken and bruised.
Carefully pulling off her ruse.
With sweaters and long sleeves it’s no problem to hide.
These feelings she feels so deep inside.
The people around her can’t see the darkness, only the light.
She smiles and laughs just like she should.
But she misses her childhood.
Pigtails and pretty pink bows.
Old oak trees and rainbows.
This little girl, the world is scared to know.
Has come to see that the world is the last place you want to know.
People pushed her right to the edge, now she’s found her small metal friend.
Veins are blue,
Blood is red.

I’ve thought about it many times, especially those sleepless nights, the drum beating inside the dark recess of my mind.

After the first attempt of 12 pills, then 24 pills, I decided to wake up and attend college both times I woke up from those failures.

I’ve been reading up a lot about Buddhism and about reincarnation or rebirth, and I was wondering and contemplated.

With everything that I’ve been through, and for me to cut my life short thinking that hell would probably be a better place to be in I realized, if I cop out now I’ll probably have to go through this entire experience again, […]

Do you ever wake up feeling like today is going to be another bad day? Thinking that nothing will change, that it will just be this daily routine of negative thoughts and feelings in Your head? Well maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But me…well this is only just the frosting to the cake.

all My life I’ve felt like i don’t belong anywhere i go. Whether it is family, school friends, outside of school friends, sporting teams, swimming squad, whatever. Ive always felt this sense of isolation and separation from the others. At first, when I was 5, it didn’t matter to me, I just […]

There was a chill in the wind that night, one like no other.
The darkness made it hard for sight, but I didn’t know it mattered.
The strength of your grip, the frame of your stature;
As you grabbed my hips, before I knew it I was captured.
You forced yourself on me, along with your touch.
I pleaded for you to stop, but you still wouldn’t get off.
You were too strong and heavy, I couldn’t get you off top;
With your hand over my mouth, I kept screaming stop.
My throat went dry, I couldn’t scream.
I tried and tried, but the harder […]

This is the Easter Season (50 days of Easter….it doesn’t begin and end on Easter Sunday).

I’ve been a Christian all of my life.  And I am here to tell you that NO act of suicide is cowardice….it takes a strong person to overcome the natural instinct for self preservation and move on to the next life.

I’m 59 years old and I do NOT, for ONE SECOND, buy into the fundamentalist concept of hell.  I was raised Southern Baptist and by the grace of God found the Episcopal Church in my early 40’s…after decades of self hate inflicted on me by the SBC.  I didn’t develop suicidal ideation […]

My emotions are like waves, threatening to overtake me at one moment, and then soft, serene..At peace with everything the next..

Experiencing this is incredibly hard and makes me feel crazy, but I don’t know that I’d change it. We who experience depression and the more difficult of strong feelings also have the chance to experience the other side.

It’s hard to read what I write during times of distress. It’s hard reading what you all write during times of distress.

It’s hard knowing that some people don’t know what happiness feels like. It’s hard forgetting what it feels like yourself..

What would help? Maybe it’s something different for […]

I am 16 and I have been in a phyce ward and i’ve been to C-Star Rehab for drug abuse. Over this past year I have grown to be more and more depressed. I would rather not talk about why because it may piss people off and the other reasons are embarrassing. One reason I don’t want to is my family of course and the other is what happens after death, if after death was purgatory then it wouldn’t matter to me because then all of lives worries would be gone. My last reason would be because I would like to know what the future […]

No need for fancy explanations. I wish to die, and I’ve chosen dehydration as my way to go. I just wanted it to be known somewhere that my death was voluntary.

i know we have a business empire. and i know that you’re looking to your kids as the future leaders of the business, but i want you to know, before i leave, that there is something much much more important than our business.

although i am very thankful that you have built it up to be what it is, maybe it’s time to look at your kids and really see how they are feeling. personally, i feel nothing but disappointment and neglect. disappointment because i know that i have not yet reached the dreams and expectations you have of me. neglected because rather than really look […]

Someone told me not to give up. Funny thing is..he was the one who gave up on me.

it wouldn’t surprise me if we all had some sort of implants in our head, or trackers or something…it seems like I’m always being watched.

I bet there’s someone whose job it is to monitor me, and they’re reading this. Hello friendly monitor, how’s it going?

I’m so overstrung, that even doing a small thing is too much. Even going out of bed, eating and dress myself is already too much on a day. If i do a little bit more, such as playing a game with my mom, walking a little while or having a therapy session, I’m completely broken after it. And the following three days I can’t do anything, because I’m so tired overstrung by that one activity I did. Really makes me sick, that I just can’t do a single activity. How will I ever get better then?

I have a dilemma. A dilemma that makes me doubt my reasons for wanting to die sometimes.

1) I feel a certain fear towards actually going through with it. Which makes me feel like a coward. Does it make me one?
2) Some would say I (we) am a coward for thinking about suicide, for not standing up to life and it’s challenges.

Am I? Are we? Which one is it?

Feeling lost,
PURPLEPAIN