I’m so tired of this life. I’ve never felt comfortable in any situation and I seemingly can’t make anything work. I never feel like a normal person, never have. Even if by some miracle things are good, I find a way to destroy it just by being my uncomfortable self. I’ve done this so many times that now I’m just too tired to try.

I haven’t worked in more time than I’d like to admit. I’m 35, will be 36 at the end of the month, and I still rely on someone else to support me because I just can’t bring myself to face another rejection. […]

recently i had a dark experience going through something i thought i wouldn’t have to go through. i thought that maybe my beliefs were false and that maybe what my eyes were seeing was untrue. i thought that having thoughts meant i was listening to  an alter ego. basically i went psyco and it scared me. i stopped doing well at school, and i would stay home and board myself in. i cried. i cried a lot sometimes. i found comfort in music, maryjane and muses that i cant begin to name. it made me discover a world of art. its twisted but its true […]

Alright so, its been so long on here nobody would remember who i was but my name is Candice, and i posted here last year giving my story. Today im just gonna give a summary because i dont have time to type alot and I have nothing now. No one to go to, no one i can talk to. I’m going to make this as short as i can because i really need somebody to read it.
From the time i was in kindergarden i was bullied. It wasn’t until 4th grade it started getting bad. I started getting in trouble at school, i owed […]

I’m so alone. i never want to be around anybody. i literally want to shoot myself in the face right now, because Im already fucked up and i might as well end it all. i dont want to be alive and literally no one loves me. and i dont love myself. or anyone else except my dad. but seriously, ready to end it all man.

Ok, maybe I deserved this one. After laughing at Alex, I think I deserve what my other ex said to me. Nick and I were doing great, until I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut. Now whenever I get near him, or any member of his family, they tell me I’m better off dead. Fuck you karma.

there is no heaven.

no hell.

no God.

only Time, and a choice.

I made my choice a long time ago, and now time decides when I carry out that choice

As I cut deeper and deeper, I think about all of the wrong I’ve done. I think of how much we once loved each other and how we have nothing now. You are the only one I ever want to be with.  You never stop loving someone. You either never did or you always will. I know I will always love you and I know it will be the death of me. You tell me you love me, but you can’t handle my depression. I always have been and always will be here for you when you need me. You make it sound like you were […]

I do it because I have so much mental pain, I need to find a way to make it physical and get it out. So I abuse my body. I used to think I’d just do a few cuts here and there when I felt really bad, but now I do it almost every day, anywhere from10-200 at a time. It has taken over my life. I feel weird typing it; like, part of me is saying “no it hasn’t, you still have a life” but another part is saying “you’ve finally admitted to it”. I don’t know. I know this sounds stupid, but there’s […]

I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much, and I’ve told him so many times that I never want to hurt him, but that I know I will, and he just stays. I keep giving him chances to get out of the relationship, but he keeps saying that he’s staying. I’m still planning on killing myself, I haven’t picked a new date yet though. I don’t know what to do to make it hurt him less though. I feel bad because I know it’s going to be really hard on him, but I just can’t stay here much longer. I’ve waited […]

It’s been about 9 months since I’ve posted anything. I wish I could say it’s because things have changed and gotten better, but that’s not the case. Things have gotten worse. I’ve started cutting. A lot. Very few people know. It’s easy for me to hide it because I do it on my thighs and stomach. The only person who knows that I know in real life, is my boyfriend. He has depression and has been through tough times too, but he’s never done anything like this. I feel bad, because I know I’m ruining my body for him, but I still can’t stop. It’s […]

Exaggerations… Using words like, “never”, “always”, “nothing”, “everything”, “nobody”, “everyone”… Those are lies.

There are certainties like heat, and gravity, and the concept of time. Sure. Those are irrelevant.

But apathy and ambivalence are illusions to hide pain and pleasure. Sorrow and joy… These are human.

This is – simply – you.

And it is your right to enjoy your existence.

The reason you demand satisfaction is because “happiness” is the truth.

I know who I am. I feel. I’m alive. And sometimes, just sometimes I don’t want that. I’m real.

I need you to be real with me.

Love,
HeartCore

Isn’t it fun when you see someone you used to know, get a glimpse of how successful and fruitful their life has been, and meanwhile the only thing you can hope to do is die.

Because you’re such a fucking failure and your life is nonexistent, all you can hope to do is die.

Some spark of the old competition flares up in you, but it’s silly because you fail so hard at life.

Can’t decide. Found sight on Tuesday moments before finalizing my endeavor, but have been unable to get to that point since. Instead of concentrating on my demise i can’t stop thinking about site and posts of other people in same circumstance. I guess thanks to all involved ……for now.

i give up i wish i could do something but i cant i try and be happy but now…i dont feel anything when i cut it doesnt hurt no matter how deep….i want to just end this i mean my life sucks right now and my dad just cant stop punishing me…so far i have gone one day without water from him and a week without food….i can feel my self being eatting inside out….i just what this to end

Has anybody (obviously you have) gotten to the point when you feel like you’ve run out of tears? You want to cry, let it out, you need it, but somehow you can’t? Numbness slowly taking over day after day… I would give anything to be able to cry my heart out right now. It’s just what you need sometimes.

Death cannot be worse than this numbness. Nothing is. We all know that no pain is much more painful than what we call pain…

Not feeling at all,
PURPLEPAIN

I hate my self so much I just want to die life is hell please if I could just feel better maybe I wouldn’t need to die anymore my life just causes pain and that is the last thing I want to do I don’t want to die anymore I need to it seems like the only ending