Signs of the weary mind
Wearing a facade of happiness in passing time
Death gropes to find you in the darkness
But to no avail
Youth is still upon you
Hiding you in a veil,
From yourself and others
Lovers and brothers
Wishing for death to find you.

Sorting out my thoughts I guess, really hard to know what is what  anymore,  am I just thinking this way cuz im angry or depressed or  is this what I really think.  I question every thought  i have anymore, I don’t trust myself  to make many decisions anymore.  Insomnia is kicking  my ass .  2-3 hours sleep a day is really getting to me.  Soon i will crash an sleep hours an hours.  Obessessive thoughts and tourrettes syndrome is starting to get really bad to.

I have nightmares about my boyfriend , in them im trying to escape and hide from him. .. Guess cuz of all the […]

seems like the only thing left for me is tms. anybody out there have this treatment?  doing a little research i found the likely cost is between 6k-12k. depending on how many sessions is necessary. my insurance company has to decide whether it will pay. lots of hoops to jump through. my bet is that they won’t pay. the shrink gave me a referral. he seemed rather crabby yesterday. chastise me for not doing my “homework”. i left the office in tears for some reason. my first thought was to go make a “purchase”.  the thought is still there. hell it is a lot cheaper […]

1. Would you leave a suicide note? Why or why not?
2. Any interesting suicide notes you have read?

Answer 1: Personally since I plan to just “disappear”, there will be no suicide note from me. But if for some reason my plan changes, I still don’t think I’d leave a note. Well, maybe some sort of encrypted note, that would lead whoever decodes it on a wild goose chase to another encrypted note, then another, then another, until the last note is something like; “Congrats! This has been as pointless as my life!”

Answer 2: I’ve read Heisman’s and Manley’s. Actually, I didn’t read all of Heisman’s. Read […]

I always get on here and just look at everything everyone is saying so I figured I would post something today. I have many scars and a black heart. I miss the way I was before I started cutting myself, but I wouldn’t change a damn thing in my life or anything I have done to myself. The other day I broke down completely in front of the man I thought I could trust completely. I bawled my eyes out for almost an hour because of my f*cked up life and how bad I was feeling about everything. I tried to explained my feelings but […]

I’m heading down a destructive path I don’t care anymore Im jut kinda done with it. I’m ignoring how I feel it builds up and I freak out have breakdowns and panic attacks. I’m not functioning right. Im to busy helping others trying to make ten happy and worrying about them that I don’t even help myself or even try to. I don’t know what to do I don’t think I want to get help anymore I’m just kinda here.

A real successful life is something like stevejobs, elonmusk, obama, billgates…

Most of human beings are unaware that they are unsuccessful

Even if they continue to live in the way they are now, probability of getting real success is zero

I really don’t know what driving them to live

stupid humans!!

i want to die

I realized deeply that I have no chance. Every aspect of my life is too damaged to keep pushing. Sometimes you just have to accept things, however painful it might be to accept that life has to end. I spoke to an old friend on the phone last week, someone I haven’t spoken to for over a year. She was my surrogate mother when I was 17, when I lived away from home. She will be 70 this year. She said she will call me again. She told me she loved me when we said goodbye. I know that I don’t have to speak to […]

As to anyone if you need to talk, vent, yell, say anything and everything. Kik me boricua_loca23. I will not judge you nor anything you need to talking about. Please if you want to talk. Don’t be shy or scared I’m just here if you need someone.

wow, i just stumbled upon this site… amazing… i’ve struggled with suicide since i was a child. i’m 23 now. and i’ve been planning to finally succeed this weekend. just getting things in order, getting my paycheck on friday so i can buy what i need. i thought i was a freak of nature, a psycho, and now i know i’m not alone…

i feel so awful for the pain i know i will cause my family and loved ones, but i literally cannot bear this anymore. i live in torment, i have no reason to be unhappy, my life has not been unpleasant and i […]

Once again as the time ticks on my parents ask if I’m okay.

You want the truth mom I’m not okay far from it but thanks for trying.

Dad: do I even call you dad anymore? You want the truth too!? I hate you I never thought I’d get here but bam! Life proves me wrong. Why do I hate you? Your an insufferable, arrogant, asshole that I’ve hated since I was 10, 3 years! This hate has grown stronger. You yell and make me feel worthless, you say all this bullshit about me like you mean it all but you fucking don’t. You know you don’t. […]

Think i am ready to start over per say. I don’t have a medical condition or was i bullied. Only 37 but feel like 90. Just ready to go. My solution to problems and issues was to start alienating everyone in my life. Did not prepare for succeeding. Got what i thought i wanted. Miserable eveyday and not willing to live like this. If there is someone in your life don’t make my mistake. Don’t let pride give you an excuse to shut everyone out. That person may be able to show you a brighter day. Wish i could articulate better. Can’t get out what […]

I want to cut, I want to cut, cut, cut, cut, blood, drip, drop, razor, sharp, blade – My therapist needs to be on call right now, and he needs to stop being a prick.  Anyways, you probably think I am another whiney teenager…  Nope I am a bitchy 30 year old nasty **** whore.  I keep thinking the best way to rid the world of my filth is to jump off that bridge.  BUT I have done that once and survived injured but alive and pissed off.  I could just use some words of wisdom or hilarious stupidity right now.  THANK YOU

My father just called me a worthless piece of crap, and it’s my fault. My 8 year old brother is on the couch bored and helpless, and it’s my fault. My mother is barley making it through the day, and it’s my fault. I’m a miserable little fuck, and IT’S MY FAULT.

NOTE: This really isn’t a good poem but i thought, i’d share anyway

Where are you?
I’m listening for you
closely and carefully, I watched you
I swore, i wouldn’t let you go
even when you insisted to do so

Hours pass on…

i still cannot find you. please come out and play
remember i told you, there is always a way
why do you hide?
is it because I cry?
or is because I know, you always lie?

The world still spins
make it stop
before I give up on my knee’s
and drop

no more running, come out where i can see
please, i beg of you..do not be […]

Fear. Fatigue. Darkness. Anger. Pain. Shame.

Hey names jane 12

my life was good up to age 7. My got ill with dementia. Her side doesnt help much. My dad and his family took care of us. My mum has been taken in and out of hospital for the past 4 years. It has taken alot out of all of us. Me and my sisters were taken in to care before my dad got full custody of us. (He and my mum seperated) my dad is stressed all the time. My mum doesn’t want to take her medicine.  She always talks about God god god god. He hasnt done anything.  My life […]

Is it wrong to kill yourself if you truly believe it will make other lives happier? Or is that still considered selfish? Because I want to help others, not myself.