I had the worst nightmare last night.

Some of you remember a post about me having a stillborn baby girl.

So beautiful.

Anyways, I had a dream last night that the world was being overtaken by primates. Sounds crazy but hang in there. Primates of all kinds. Orangutans, monkeys, chimps, gorillas, etc. they ran around screeching and destroying anything within reach. Meanwhile the sky was grey with only a few streetlights to reveal the streets. Before the “invasion” I was at home in bed with my boyfriend, very pregnant might I add, and proceeded to go into labor. The fastest and best labor in the world in my […]

1. Get a chance to think ” all suffering human beings on earth are foolish”

2. You become moonshot thinker ” either achieve big or do nothing”

3. One fine day you may suicide, which is awesome

4. Mozilla keeps suggesting “suicideproject.org” when you press ‘s’ in address bar

If you are reading this, please listen with an open heart.

My best friend committed suicide on March 14th. She had an account on this website that i just came across and she had posted asking about ways she could do it, and my already shattered heart broke a thousand times more as i read the comments telling her how. As much as apart of me wants to respond with so much anger to anyone who encouraged her in how to end her life, a bigger part of me also breaks for all the others who were in her same numb state. She had talked with […]

Need more friends with wings.
All the angels I know
put concrete in my veins.

I’d always walk home alone.
So I became lifeless
just like my telephone.

There’s nothing to lose.
When no one knows your name.
There’s nothing to gain.
But the days don’t seem to change.

ever played truth or dare
I’d have to check my mirror
To see if I’m still here
My parents had no clue
That I ate all my lunches
Alone in the bathroom

There’s nothing to lose
When no one knows your name
There’s nothing to gain
But the days don’t seem to change
There’s nothing to lose
My notebook will […]

Every one thinks because i look happy means i have no problems like i dont deal with things.

When i came back  to school last year after my suicide attempt everyone just gave me strange looks….

Behind this smile is pain and hard times…

behind this smile is problems im dealing with..

Im NOT perfect…

Hard to fight,
The urge to cut,
No one cares,
Or so i thought,
Dont give up,
Just yet my dear,
Hold on!

My half or so the one i stole the body from torments me. She screams at me. She uses imeges of others against me. At five i replaced her sole with mine… im sorry.

I just want to go and forget everything. I just want to vanish out of thin air without a trace.

He said he’d never leave me. When he left, he said he’d never be with someone else. He said I was the only he’d ever want, but that he couldn’t handle my mood swings. He left. He has still been texting me here and there playing with my heart and giving me false hope. The other day I got a text from his number calling me a *****, a filthy whore, and so many other names. It was his girlfriend apparently. He had moved on..I am so destroyed. I feel so empty and dead. She was telling me to leave him alone and said that he told her all […]

Hey everyone,

I’m not exactly new to SP, only because I’ve been a viewer for a while. You may have seen my shadow on your posts, that was me stalking you. haha. Anyways I’ve been replying to some of you guys, but I figure it’s time I formally introduce myself. So here I am. I feel like I can relate to a lot of you guys/gals. I have been through the ringer. There’s really not much I haven’t been through. So part of the reason why I’m here is you guys help remind me I’m not alone.  And I want to be there and help others […]

Brief History: I am a 24 year old male. I have had Major Depressive Disorder since a very young age. I began to have suicidal thoughts around the age of eight years old. At first it scarred me because my life seemed to be perfect. I was adopted into a loving caring wealthily family who supported me in every way. as time went on I saw numerous therapists, and continued to go to school. I was miserable but still had some hope that it would turn around. I had friends and was playing varsity sports and seemed on the outside to be fine. even made […]

my whole life hasnt been easy it started when I was 2 my dad hung himself in his office at work I dont remember him except this one time we wer watching racing on tv i was on his lap thats all I remember of him then at age 6 my sisters boyfriend touched me I was too young to understand what happened but when he was caught doing it to another kid he was arrested police asked me but I was too scared,of what people would think of me he went to prison for 2 years then at age 8 we moved from my […]

I’ve faded down to the deep blue abyss what’s the point the voice in my head says. I’m too nice I don’t speak my mind I cut to get better i take pills knowing they make me worse I’m just waiting for the last thing to hit

If you have recently lost someone to suicide, you might feel the following…
You will cry for perhaps hundreds of days on end. You might suffer severe sleep deprivation or sleep too much.
You may blame a lot of people, become extremely angry and vent on a lot of people.
You will probably be very unhappy with how people treat you in that they will avoid and ignore you as they cannot cope with the situation themselves, especially family who might isolate you as they do themselves.
There will be many unanswered questions.
The relief is, that if you are able to digest what has […]

shall I do it soon or later? will you miss me when I’m gone or will you be pleased? tell me before its too late, I don’t get it no more will you build me up just to break me again like the old times? Am I a play thing to you because I’m your daughter I’m not like the others I’m different then her just because I grew up idolising her doesn’t mean i am her, it doesn’t mean I will be her it just means I looked up to her courage. I’m my own person now I’ve grew up a lot I’m not […]

when that feeling of when your 14 years old and your mother speaks about you to everyone but in the most hatered way as if shes helping saying that it would be better if i was back in care well ya know what mother why the fuck did you allow me back in your house when you know im different then the others in our family when i need your support but you just tell your friends and family im incampable of even looking after my self, so what i have a boyfriend and i dont wanna stay on this shitty holiday because your always […]

I want this pain to go away

All I do is feel terrible everyday

Nobody likes me, I know this is true

Everyone hates me, there is not doubt within

I feel as though I’m ready now

To go away

…..for good

I am 15, I live in a house with my mum, my brother and my mothers partner, recently my mother had a baby, but that doesn’t sound so bad, however, earlier in life I was diagnosed with aspergers, and everything went to hell, this was before my mother met her partner, but anyway, after that I knew that I wouldn’t be able to have what every other teenager could have, and my mother seemed to know that too and is personally trying to ruin my life, ever since she heard that I was diagnosed she started treating me like a baby, I had less privileges […]

I could never say this in public. I get such a hopeful feeling when I read about SP members who have escaped this life. It’s tragic that they, or anyone, would suffer so much that they have to kill themselves. But being in that hell myself, I can only focus on the escape, imagining myself in their place, and using that to remind myself that there is an end to this pain.

I guess we talk & think about it so much, some of us for years, that suicide starts to feel like an impossible dream. Sometimes the more we obsess over an idea, the more […]

I’ve attempted to overdose on many different things.. Last night I tried to overdose on what was left of my 200mg seraquel… When I awoke I couldn’t move my body, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t function… My dad came over to bring me food and had seen what I had done.. I reminded him of my aunty, she committed suicide a few years ago.. He kicked me to the ground.. My boyfriend abused me for the pathetic attempt. Something wants me to be alive, and slowly suffer.. 

I know im a pathetic person, I know I’m mental, I know I’m manipulative, im […]

my boyfriend has threatened to kill himself numerous times over the last 3 yrs. he was discharged from the navy 3 years ago due to his problems, and he’s been in and out of psych hospitals ever since.

yesterday he threatened again to kill himself. he bought a rifle recently and has told me several times he’s going to kill himself. he threatens and goes through bad thoughts and then he’s ok. i never know what to do. i have called rescue 4 times and they have taken him to hospital. twice while he was still on base. it’s been like this for 3 yrs.

well, i […]