Just another sleepless night, crying about her.

I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I’m only 15 years old and a sophomore in high school and I already starting to believe that I’m screwed like hell. My parents keep on stressing the fact that the best I could go is UC Davis and not UCLA or Stanford. In freshmen year, I started off with a crappy GPA of 2.67. As the result, my father would sometimes come into my room either 12:00 or 5:00 A.M just to hit me and complain about my grades. My parents stopped calling me my given name and nicknamed me “2.67” or “Junk […]

Doomed from birth.   Where is the justice in life?

And it’s not about karma there is no karma.  I know so because I am one of life’s “freaks”.  If I had a past life, I had the same essence, the same personality I have now.  Otherwise I’d be a totally different person.  I am an innocent creature.  Never was a bully.  Never was even clever or strong enough to figure out how to bully the bullies.  But god made me a freak anyway.

Maybe god prefers the freaks.

http://www.thehumanmarvels.com/

I don’t believe in heaven but if I did- these people deserve to be there more than anybody.  And if I were […]

I no longer care if I live or die. Nothing matters much anymore. Not sure if this is good or bad, just really a fact I guess

Hello there,

I am approaching 40 yo and am looking for reasons why to live still. I find it difficult to be with people, and that includes anyone, including my parents with whom I have recently (2months) moved home with.

I have a long simple yet complicated story but will share to see if anyone can relate or perhaps offer any words of wisdom.

The story starts I guess about 12 years ago, when living with someguys, whom after a while I found not being able to contribute to stories etc, so would politely excuse myself from their presence, ie go outside for a smoke, say i’m going to […]

Go to sleep and close your eyes,

and dream of broken butterflies,

that tore there wings against a thorn,

you know the pain that they have bourne.

Sliver metal shine so bright,

scarlet blood that feels so right,

dream of blood trickling down,

and wake up before you drown.

The moonlight shining off your tears,

as you bleed out your worst fears,

so tonight when you start to cry ,

whisper the cutters lullaby:

Hushabye baby , your almost dead,

you don’t have a pulse and your pillow is red,

2

As I contemplate this thing called life I can’t help but get Sad, Furious, and frustrated. Why would anyone put me on this planet let alone birth me. I DONT WANT TO BE HERE does anyone understand. Cause if you do thats great. I’m pissed off and unstable with emotion right now so I put into my writing. I don’t want anyone knowing my secret. Although plenty do so why not just say it, the world knows anyways. Everyone knows everything because that’s how it is.

This world is not hell. hell is something we walk around with all our lives. It’s basically in my back […]

I’m lonely. No other way to put it. And I’m tired of people saying how happy they are

I made a promise to never disappear and bring sadness. So, before I can disappear I have to ask people close to me if I can, if I’m still needed. If only one says yes to if I can disappear, then I will. 4 of 5 said I can’t. One will not answer me, thanks to that asshole who ruins my life. So, I must stay. Until I am no longer needed. We will see on Monday.

im in the studio right now, and I’m having a break down. i can’t do this. i want to talk to him so badly. i can’t stop freaking out. i want to talk to him. i can’t. i want to graduate. i want my work to be great. i want a good life. i want him in my life forever, but not as friends. i want him to know how much i love him and care about him and how insane he is. all i want is to be with him, to graduate, and to get a job. i fucking sitting in the corner right […]

I tried hanging myself, did an overdose of prescriptions. Tried everything and I am still alive. Is it because I am too scared to go far or is it because I don’t really want to die. I wonder why life is so horrible. I am really religious. I used to think that God planned out our futures. I used to that God controlled everything. I used to think that God had the ability to make you happy but he doesn’t. If he really does have that power, why doesn’t he end my life right now. That would make me happy. If God meant for life […]

ok lets try this again. mon at 1040 pm just got off line talking with a three four people on plenty of fish pof i feel as though am doing something wrong talking with three different people and to be honest Michelle i dont know what am doing am 38 I dont know how to be friends with a girl I dont know how to date people my age I fumbe threw confersations becuase i dont even now how to hold a conversation more thatn half of my life is a drunkin druggy blurr thats why i feel so intimadated and lost and thats why […]

we’re just
suicidal people
telling other
suicidal people
that suicide
isn’t the
answer.

Guess im depressed although I don’t feel sad most of the times, just sadness tries to peek thru sometimes.  I guess im depressed mostly  cuz  I just don’t want to get out of bed, or eat.  Realy don’t want to do anything.

Just lay in bed an keep thinking how someone that I loved an cared about and completely trusted  has destroyed me.  and made me become  someone i don’t even know anymore.  And keeps trying to destroy what is left with lies and words.  I know that this is driving me insane an there is nothing i can do about it

I can catch the person in lies […]

I used to be a STRONG believer in religion and spiritual kinds of things!

However, having grown up and seen,heard and experienced stuff, i eventually found that my faith and belief in JUSTICE and a “god” were slowly tarnished!

I realized that the world always APPLAUDS evil,nasty,malicious,promiscuous,vicious,violent and monstrous people and behaviors!

However, the world surely HATES sweet,innocent,nice,well-mannered,dignified,good-hearted people and behaviors!

I used to think that this “god” i used to believe in was the one IN CONTROL of the world.However, i came to understand that THE DEVIL may actually be the one “calling all the shots”!!

This is why i STOPPED believing in justice,peace,love and fairness! Bad things happen to […]

Anyone know what happened to the wantdeath blog? It was there yesterday but says it’s been removed today.

It’s been almost 2 weeks since I stopped cutting, I was not that bad when I stopped that’s why I did, but I don’t think I’ve ever had this huge need to cut like I have right now, it’s getting really tough…I’m not sure I can continue like this, maybe I should continue doing it, nothing seems to care, I don’t even care so…

“Confidence is 10% hard work, and 90% delusion, just thinking foolishly that you will be able to do what you want”

I was fed such fallacious bullshit.  Fetch that medicine, but I’m done ingesting it like a puppet, kay?

What I aim to disclose, is all this ‘you can get anywhere with confidence’ is going to make me narcoleptic in due time. I’m pretty jaded already.  What I perceived is, whether my effort is made with or without morale; it ultimately ends up the same.  Abominable or indifferent.  It’s just so invariable.  A situation where effort is put forth with or without confidence is so analogous to […]

Feel horribly sick.

im so hurt im in so much pain, i can’t even think. i have to go do work all day and night. how can he hurt me so many times, so badly, and on purpose?!! how can he hurt me this much?! i really do hate my life. i loved him more than anything in the world. I’m miserable and heartbroken. you’re insane. i need to graduate. i have so much to do but all i want to do is be with him. i tried as hard as i possibly could with him. i feel so broken. how can he hurt me so bad.