Anxiety. Depression. Panic Attacks. Two years ago I fell into a deep, deep depression where I could think about nothing but ending it. That’s what I wanted most. I lost ALL of my friends by pushing them away with my constant depression and negativity. Things started getting better, or so I thought. Maybe I was just too busy to notice my anxiety. Maybe it never went away. All I know is when my panic attacks start back up, they are getting more and more intense. Much worse than in the past. At least then I had more self control to try to keep busy and […]

have you ever had that one fear that you couldn’t get rid of and it keeps eating away at u until finally there is nothing left of u, nothing but an empty shell? it sucks. it really does. or when u say ur fine but deep down inside u know ur not. and that soon something is going to put u over the edge. and ur gone. u enter the void.

Today is a bad day for some reason. Nothing happened. It’s just the depression is really hitting me today. I’m sitting here at work, bored out of my mind, which means my mind wanders, and I just want to go home and sleep. My body is so tired.

I don’t know what to write about. I was thinking about discussing depression. What is it? But I can’t think straight today.

I should go to the grocery store tonight. But I know when I get home I won’t. I’ll put it off for tomorrow. And when I’m lying around home tonight wondering why I have no food […]

well damn everything is falling in place now. i had some really bad troubles with ppl. and life and things have been really hard for me lately. to where i thought i really had no part in this world. but im moving i have a new guy im talking to and having fun with friends and stuff. life just threw me a curve ball. but it got back straight.

Most mornings I wake up wondering why Im still alive. I hate life, there are good, even great things in my life, but they don’t make me happy.  The people I love or like to hang out with and the things I like to do only make me comfortable for a bit, even a couple of days, but the desire to die always come back and it is getting stronger by the second. I just never understood whats the point of life. Work and have kids???? that doesn’t sound very appealing to me. I work and go to school, but I would just love to stay […]

People know I am in pain but they don’t care to help me. They just pretend nothing is wrong. I feel invisible. Cutting seems the only way to ease the pain. Attempting it has been on my mind for years. My parents don’t give a damn about me. They don’t seem to care. I look out the window as we drove down the road and wondered what if that was me. On the side there they lay. Upon them they have others eating and nipping at them. I wish it was me laying on the side of the road. Wish they could change places with […]

Broken

You say you’re broken,
Unloved and unwanted.
You can’t be fixed,
And you are haunted.

What people say,
That is what cuts.
The words throw you off,
And you get stuck in the ruts.

Many say “I care”,
But few are sincere.
When you are broken,
U notice no one is here.

You wish yourself away,
Ready to give it a try.
U think u can’t stay,
That you need to die.

I reach out to you,
Saying sweet things,
I want to fix you,
I say that it stings.

I cut for others,
To get them to stop.
I am still clean,
Three years at top.

When I see someone unhappy,
It gives my heart great pain.
I want them to be happy,
And to smile again.

I will not stop,
I am […]

Imagine a map, it’s a map of the world, a giant map, placed on the wall.

There are lights on the map, some of them blue, some of them white,

some of them glistening more, some of them flickering faintly.

Each light represents a soul.

Your light is on the map and I don’t know if it’s blue, white,

if it’s shining or if it’s hiding, if it’s bruised or healing.

(If it’s healing, it’s purple.)

Then something horrible happens; a villain steals the lights.

Not the souls,

just the lights.

Blue, white,

purple.

No indication of them on the map.

The map’s plain now. That’s not nice, is it?

A plain map. A plain map that didn’t use […]

About 9 years ago, in my 4th grade year, I had a friend named Alexia Starlit. She was two years older than me, oldster sister of one of my closest friends, and my closest friend at the time. Pretty much a sister. My parents had met her and her sister, Nehoan, but don’t even remember either. They don’t even know this story.

There is this thing where so lived, a selection of sorts for the 4 local gangs. They’d come, watch us fight to the near death, and would claim is before we reached middle school. Alexia didn’t want me participating. We argued about it, and […]

Well this its my story on how my life is only getting worse And more painful. My name is Matthew and I live in Nelson new Zealand I am 14 years old and am year 10 at Nayland college.
It started around term 3 last year and till this day my life has been torture. In class of I bend over to Tie up my sore laces I get shoved over. If I’m doing sport they spare tackle me from behind. If I sit out to try Getty a break but they say get up and.play you fat Cont. Btw I weigh 78 kg. Every […]

Hope April be a awesome month…

So lately all my friends want me to help them with relationships of their own. I don’t know all the answers sometime and thats what usually makes me feel bad. When i can’t find out how to help i feel bad i cry and just go on a rampage. One of my exs still a very good friend of mine started to tell me to focus on my own relationship. For some reason i never listened but now a days all i try and do is be there for them. But then my so called friends make me feel like crap cause im not helping […]

My Name is Annie, I reside in Carson City, NV and I am here to tell you my story.

My story is probably a very common one, but three years ago, started a riot in my body. The moment my boyfriend, who was my first of everything dumped me over a text message, i went insane. I started everything to just be able to sleep, to eat, or to even live without him. I was messing my self up heavily. (Three to Four bottles a night, 24 case beers, Marijuana, pills) I wanted him so bad that my actions ended me up in the hospital, unconscious, […]

Laying here, covered in sweat and tears

Bodies still heaving

Complete yet broken to pieces.

So close to another, but eons apart.

Wanting to be held,

But the pain is too much

Staying here, covered in blood

Body shaking

Falling to pieces, but finally whole

All alone, but one with the universe

Wanting to be held,

but the pain is enough

I’m bored and really don’t know what to post. Yes, this is a post about not knowing what to post….

Why can’t anyone hear me?

Why can’t anyone hear the screams?

Why can’t anyone hear my screams?

You were able to hear them.

You listened.

You shielded me from the pain

You saved me from the cold

You dawned on my world like the sun

But then you set

All suns set.

The stars aren’t bright enough in this black world

The screams are loud

Can you hear them?

They’re breaking a glass wall

A glass cage

The cage can’t hold the demon any longer.

The world will burn in the night

Or

I can plummet into the sea

Before I allow the world to burn.

Perhaps the cold water

Will stop the screams.

So..How does it feel? Well, depending on the person it can feel all sorts of ways. I know one thing, that no matter the person it feels like shit. Okay, so let’s get started on the whole basis of it.

I don’t really know why I have depression, and sometimes I wish I had some sad backstory so it would be easier to explain. Nothing bad really happened to me, nothing too scarring. It’s just the little things that do it. Every little ounce of stress and anger, it all causes this sort of snowball affect. Slowly building up to knock me down.

It doesn’t physically hurt, […]

This poem is kind of the same as last time except it’s more “in the moment” if anything. hope you enjoyed

I’m the girl chasing a dream
but underneath my human skin, i’m a monster
creating visions that are not to be seen
and spilling blood that’s not meant to be cleaned

I terrorize throughout the night
Tearing through their flesh and bone
and as i look for more victims to take,
i realize, I’ve been turned into stone

a stone cold killer, i guess you could say
but that still doesn’t make the pain go away
with every scream ringing in my ear
I continue hold them […]

I was so careful with the measurements. Yet I still woke up this morning only to a hell of a stomach ache and spewing everywhere. I thought for sure I would be done peace at last, no pressures too tug at me all day long. Just bliss and as I sat there knowing full well what I had done I grew with joy. I hugged my mom and my sister hell I even talked about cars with my step dad who I loathe. In those moments I was happy only too wake up the next day knowing my curse is still not over. Like […]

im sorry
but im done waiting
im done with this
im so done
with people hurting me
and doing that over
and over and over
again and again
a never ending cycle
i thought maybe
one more week
one more month
one more year
one more chance
i was wrong
i cant do this anymore
i thought i could get better
but i cant
i dont know how to be happy
i dont know how to do that
i dont know anymore
i was looking through a box
of old stuff earlier today
and i started crying
because there was a card
that my six […]