I didn’t have a childhood; I don’t remember it. I don’t remember anything properly until age 13. I’ve heard stories; trips to disneyland, birthdays, holidays. I don’t remember anything.

When I was 15, a memory came back to me. A series of memories, in flashbacks.

I was four. I remembered all those times you left me alone in the basement; I remember crying so loudly that the neighbours called social services and I almost got taken away. I remembered that time you were on the telephone, screaming to somebody that you were going to kill yourself and me.

The last memory I have is of the day you […]

I just hope you still love me

After all of the catastrophe

We were once companions, I believe

I never thought I would cause you to grieve

I miss you, and I love you

I just hope you love me too

I remember the mornings you came […]

Yes, you’re the person I hate most of all the people in this world. I hate you because you ruined my life where you had the chance to make me the happiest man alive. I hate you because you make me cry every day instead of drying my tears. I hate you because you make me remember all the bad moments and decisions in my life instead of helping me to forget and start anew. I hate you because you hurt the ones I love most instead of making them smile. I hate you because you only think of yourself instead of others. I hate […]

I guess I’m just gonna list all the reasons I want to do this:

1. Let’s see my view on myself is a worthless piece of shit, I’m broken beyond repair and time is not healing me

im a person who is very self-destructive of herself its defiantly not okay.

2. I’m 13 fucking years old I shouldn’t have this view on myself but I do and really is it not sad?

3. I’m severely depressed like clinically diagnosed so I guess this was coming right?

4. I, a major fuck up and I don’t deserve to live […]

I had a dream once , that the gras was greener when I died

that the grass was greener On the other side.

but I came to find out that that was a lie,

the grass was burned on the other side.

Scorching hot and not remaining

My mind woke up no longer refraining.

I opened my eyes and there it was the

monster of lies, truth, and dispair.

I’m friends with that monster it’s my only hope,

I told my friends they thought it was a joke.

If your reading this now, know I’m not lying

and if I am I’m sorry Im trying.

OK.  So after 20 odd years of becoming progressively more miserable & incapable of participating in everyday life suicide attempts are bcoming more common.  A year or so back I filled a mug with a cocktail of every drug in my cupboard, including many of the different anti-depressants I’ve tried over the years & took the lot.  I slept an entire day & awoke incapable of moving without collapsing in spasms.  Spent the next 12 hours in hospital being constantly prodded & kept awake.  Told I’d taken enough pills to kill most people & was lucky.  Seems this method isn’t gonna work.  A short time later tried a […]

I hope it’s the same crowd of people. Most likely its not. It’s been almost a year or 2. Oh well, i’d like to continue my story.
I got pregnant in June. At the time it was the worst thing to ever happen to me. My boyfriend and I were fighting and I was thinking about suicide every night. Sitting on the bathroom floor with knees to my chest like in the movies. Bawling my eyes out with him only a room away knowing that he could care less.
I smiled when I saw the pregnancy test. It was all so bittersweet. I always wanted […]

So I haven’t really been on lately, because of family issues so I got my laptop taken away and such. Well, I did this thing on instagram where it was a contest for the best recovery poem and I didn’t win *tears*. But here’s the poem I wrote for the contest. Hope you like it. (By the way, it got weird and turned from 1st person to 3rd. So I don’t really know what happened there .-.)

My tears fill the empty hole in the floor, As I say to myself – please no more. The blade lay silent on the bed, rusted and my blood […]

Chances are if you’re typing on a computer and you have Internet access, you’re probably in a first world country. Your problems are those that evolve from living in that environment. Which isn’t that unthinkable, because I can relate.

Wondering what sort of things someone in a third world country would say on here. I’m thinking ignorance is bliss, so suicide is probably a foreign concept.

Is it wrong of me to miss Stefie, Sissi, Bamse, Ash, Lucky, Goldy, Snowy, Starry, Spinny, Plusi and Oreon so so much More than missing most humans? Is it wrong of me to wish my mom would smile at me and tell me I did a good job or even for her to say thank you? Is it wrong of me to wish my siblings would stop saying “I dont like you” and “you’re not really my big sister” Even though I would give them the world? Is it wrong of me just to clean up my room instead of the washing lady? Is it […]

I  hate my life.

i hate myself.

i hate the feeling of being alone.

I hate that life is a beautiful lie and that death is a hideous truth.

i hate that I want to die

I hate the world I live in.

i hate that I want to love .

i hate me , myself, and I.

i hate that I love someone who doesn’t love me back.

i hate that I am the way I am.

i hate that I want to be happy.

i hate that I love to […]

Many people want to end there lives so what the hell makes me any more special then all the other kids. Why am I posting this? I really don’t know I guess I have some things to get off my chest. I’m defiantly not a happy person so you say I’m Severely depressed and I don’t want to change,  I’m the fuck up and the dumb fuck in my family though everyone thinks I’m the smart happy kid I’m not. people who say I’m too young to be broken, to young to be sad, too young to not know what pain feels like they obviously […]

A while ago someone posted, I think on this site, “what is the opposite of love?” It was meant to be a trick question because they said the answer is not the obvious “hate” but rather “loneliness” or something like that.

At first I agreed, but the more I think about it I think the opposite of love really is hate.

In physics the opposite of any force is another force that, when applied to the first, causes zero. For example the opposite of a 50 mph north wind would be a 50 mph south wind so anyone standing where they meet would feel nothing.

So back to […]

Depression is not a heavy dissatisfaction with life. It is not a physiological cry for help. It is not an extreme form of sadness. Depression is the result of losing a beloved aspect of one’s life. Whether it’s one’s loved one, or a prized possession, or a concept… the loss of that which is loved causes the depression.

Our identities only fully exist in the hearts of those who care for us. We exist in our own bodies, but who we are is what we place in the consciousnesses of our dearest friends and family. Losing someone that important–or even losing something that important–feels like […]

the anxiety of logging into facebook

If you was a mother you were able to know this when you love someone and she or he loves you (truly of course !)and then you will feel that you have a good reason to be alive.but how poor we are we have to leave our love and suddenly we will be alone and aimless and empty.and you don’t know how bad it is that you like revenge yourself and you hate yourself.to want to scream but no sound no ear to hear you nobody who pay attention to you nothing.May God bless and love us ?May he ?

Here’s a easy way to die, Simply follow the instructions below:

Kill your intentions to die.

+++please read+++++

Here’s a opportunity …

You are what, all young teenagers mainly and what are your reasons for suicide?

You have been given life and you want to take it away for what? Don’t reply some bullshit or make it much more dramatic to gain other sympathy.

Heck, when I was young I wanted to commit suicide because I couldn’t speak to my significant other cause I was grounded for what seemed like a lifetime!

Or the time where I lost my best friend in a embarrassing highschool moment, shamed infront of what felt like […]

I think we all have those things in our heads that just won’t leave. An example of this would be the saying “Nothing lasts forever”. Because of this, I am incapable of commitment. If someone tells me that they’re here for me, i still can’t trust them because they won’t be here for me forever. They will move on like everyone else. It’s the same with relationships. They end. So what’s the point. Itll just end in heartbreak so why the fuck would it matter.

I also can’t seem to shake the thought that everyone is capable of pretending. Pretending to be my friend. Pretending to […]

Like you’re second best to a video game character? Like you were never good enough for that woman (or man) you loved? You’re always third-wheeled, unintentionally as well as with intentions? Yeah, welcome to my love life.

I am on the track team. At a meet, we are only allowed to run in 4 events. I run in five or as many as my coach will let me.

Most people think about winning while they are running. I think about weight loss.

I can’t walk after I run. My legs won’t work right. I stumble around and try to regain my coordination. I can barely stand but I refuse to let myself sit down due to the fact that if after you run, you sit, your legs tighten up and it makes it difficult to run again. the faster you run, the more weight […]