So I haven’t been here on SP for 1,5 month I guess. It’s because I’m doing really bad. In that time I quitted school, had an intake with 2 mental health institutions, going to start therapy next week, got a cat (it’s really a sweetheart and I’m so glad my parents agreed with a pet), and yeah, the only thing I do is sleeping and sitting. Not going outside anymore, see nobody. Actually I have no life anymore. And the thing is: I don’t give a f*cking shit, I don’t care.

Last week, I grabbed my knife and started to cut, made a cut on […]

IMO, suicidal people are stuck between Life & Death as the result of a conflict: Intellect vs Emotions

on a purely rational level, we realize human life is meaningless, especially from a cosmic perspective

whether humans are or not, the Universal Mind will continue to create .. when man has disappeared, I really doubt It’ll pause to think: “wow I really miss mankind :'( Let me recreate man to fill this void I’m feeling”

unfortunately, our emotions get in the way .. thanks to social conditioning

social conditioning says: every life has a purpose ; it will get better ; you wouldn’t appreciate life if it only had ups […]

I don’t believe that I lack all strength. I just don’t have enough to do anything with my opportunities. I don’t want to wake up, and I don’t want to look for jobs, and I don’t want to get a new job or keep mine. I don’t want to go outside. I don’t want to talk to people, even family. I don’t want to get a paycheck. I don’t want to have a home. I don’t want to call this nice young lady I’m dating. I don’t want to go to dinner tonight. I don’t want to act or play music or teach or be […]

I’ve been taking Saroquel for just under a week now.. i dream every night and they’re so vivid. It’s like i’m myself.. but a different branch? Like i’ll dream about things that are happening in my life, but i’m a different version of me in the dream. It’s weird. Anyone notice anything similar on it?

Today is some sort of miracle for people around here, because it’s almost 70℉ (that’s something like 21 â…‘ ℃) – a radical change from the wintery, disgusting crap we’ve been getting over the past few months. The sun actually exists now, and people are throwing Frisbees around campus (I was dumbfounded, too) just for shits and giggles, I guess. I’ve read journals that say that winter is typically a shit time for depression, because there’s no sun or Vitamin D or much else interesting in that area.

So, here’s to a less depressing spring. And summer, and whatever else there is.

Oh, […]

im sorry

scared nobody will like me

scared to be alone

scared more people i love will die

scared my life will get worse

scared people wil see my scars

how can i not be affraid

hey guys im back. please dont hate me for what happened. glad to let u guys know travis is gone.

I’m currently 17 at the time of writing this, and to cut a long story short, for the past 4 months or so I’ve been having suicidal thoughts which have been getting progressively stronger up to now, for various reasons. I am in a rut with my life and I don’t know who there is to talk to about this. I fear that if I talk me wanting to kill myself with my friends then they’ll mock me, take it as a joke or even completely start to ignore me as I’m sure that some people can’t handle talking about this subject. I’m not very […]

I was told my self deliverance would be a most selfish act.  I was told I should think of my family and the loss they would feel.

I am,therefore , sorry that I must deprive my family of whatever delight they might have felt by watching me die a slow painful death. Do they really hate me so much that I must suffer daily to provide them with a pleasure so great that it exceeds the agony I must endure.

Why is their enjoyment in my suffering of more value than the one right I have left (the right to end my pain).

So I ask “Am i […]

I can’t believe i’m here, after 20 odd years on this years this is what I have to show for it. As I look back now all I see is wasted opportunities & a life spent wasting my time on menial tasks trying to please people that never really gave two shits about me. The nights I spent awake for them the sacrifices ivé made, DAMN. I should be able to fill my resume with everything ivé sacrificed for my so called friends. I don’t blame that, no. Im gonna be bigger then that but it still leaves a lingering feeling in my heart of […]

I struggle every day with mental illness. The type thats never quite medicated correctly. I am also a recovering alcoholic. I could never bring myself to go to AA, I just stopped so that I didnt lose my family. I think about how my whole life has always been about waiting and how I have made stupid choices to try and make a quick new outcome and how its just dug me deeper into this pit. I was raised Catholic, so there was always that […]